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Review Requests: OFF
340 Public Reviews Given
364 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am pretty easy going. I don't want to bash your poem. I look for rhythm, color, formatting, form, meter, style, imagery. I look, I listen. I appreciate. For more go to my Poetry Review Forum #1399834 or find it in the Review Forum List.
I'm good at...
Encouragement, helping you when you need it. Suggesting better words or lines, and challenging you to do better and not settle for boring words, lines or writing crap.
Favorite Genres
Poetry - all types but especially free verse.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Loss  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ah, such a sweet memory, this is just wonderful! So much here just moves the reader along. We are reminded of the sensations of nature, the melancholy of love remembered, the heart missing what once was. So many of your lines are wrapped beautifully. I just want to read on. I love the first line: "calling at will your wild name".....I just want to settle on that line and contemplate it.

Mute regents of that rural road,
And turning once beside the stream,
I follow your loss through verdant grass

Others go another way, quickened silhouettes;
Their footsteps grate the stony walk.

How you found your way or when
I did not know and still do not:


Those are just a few wonderful examples of poetry at it's best, lines which speak and haunt, melody that plays and threads texture and depth into the reader's mind.

Great job!

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Review of Speak Easy  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sometimes I don't want to review something, because it seems I will leave the piece and never read it again. This piece I want to read and enjoy over and over. That's a good poet. A writer that draws me into a world and leaves words which haunt me and leave me breathless.

There is such melancholy here. I remember so much of my own past loves and yearning when I read this.

It was easy for us to speak
of forever while sitting in
the misty fog of a St. John's morning.{b/}

What a beautiful beginning.

At The Lookout,
I straddled a cannon,
and you took my picture

I have the beat up Polaroid,
tacked on a cork board
on my wall.

The ending is also beautiful.

This piece leaves the reader wanting to enjoy the emotion that it produces in their heart. Long ago love, lost chances, a longing of youth, what could have been and never was.

Just an excellent job!


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78
Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is wonderful! Every line is rich, every word descriptive and melodious. Not a word is wasted, and the reader is carried into a world of images troubling but real.

No streetlights create the false twinkle of stars.
Unseen black clouds are racing past a broken moon.
Nothing here except the music of an out-of-tune six string,
accompanied by the mournful blues of a stray dog barking.

I just love this piece!

Great job!

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79
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice. I love the theme and the images in here. Having lived in Oklahoma where the National Rodeo was held, I really appreciate this view of a cowboy. Your rhyme is nice, and original. There is some choppiness in some of the longer lines. (You may want to make the longest lines two lines for rhythm). But I love the way you put the experience from the cowboy's perspective in some of the lines.

Countless times he's almost died
Simply for the rush of that 8 second ride.
Lord, give me the courage as this broncs called outside
God bless the cowboy, God knows he's tried


Nice job! Keep Writing!


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80
Review of I Wish You Knew  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome Newbie!

Ah, this is nice. Yes, it is a poem. It has emotion, and texture, and mood, and describes a personal experience. I like the ending and also the title. You just need to learn about different FORMS of verse. You can do that by subscribing to the Poetry newsletter that comes out each week. Go up to SITE NAVIGATION, and click on MEMBER TOOLS. Go down and you'll see NEWSLETTERS. You can subscribe free to different newsletters. The Poetry newsletter helps highlight how to write in different poetic styles - formats. We all read that newsletter.

But, I do like this piece of writing, and I hope you continue to write poetry.

GOOD JOB!


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81
Review of A Whisper of Wind  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (4.5)

I like this piece very much. It has a nice sweetness to it, and seems to float wistfully in many places. The overall idea, theme, and emotion is fresh and reminds the reader of times past and dreams pursued. It was written with much love, as that seems to radiate from the overall whimsy of some lines.

My only nit-picky impressions concern the length and some of the stumbling blocks in some of the stanzas. It is pretty long, and the rhythm and meter changed considerably. I guess when I got to the word "longly" in the eleventh verse.......(which is not a word, unless I'm looking in the wrong dictionary).....I had to stop. That word caught in my throat "A sensation I so longly missed…"

It's important to keep us reading, and I did have a problem with the length. And I just went back and read it again, but quickly. Some of the bumps smoothed out better. "life's true roles" in Stanza #3 needs to be shortened. Stanza #8, the first line rhythm is off, and doesn't flow with the stanza before it.

But once again, when I get to the Stanza #11 I can't seem to finish the piece, even reading quickly. I think you can chop a couple (3) of stanzas and still make this create the theme you want. But, again that's just my opinion, and only one of many.

But, I do love the sweetness of the piece, overall.

GOOD JOB! Keep writing!
82
82
Review of Farewell Grieving  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (5.0)
I had waited to review this as I was not in the right space to read a piece about grieving. I'm glad I waited. It's 3 in the morning, and in the quiet of the day's creation, this poem is so perfectly reflective of day, journey, and passage.

The beauty of reading this piece is in reading it slowly. It deserves such care. The rich depth in each line only serves to awaken more reaction from the reader. It's as if we are on this journey and every word invites us to contemplate and compare our experiences in alignment.

The first stanza is perfect. Every stanza is perfect. Each stanza creates it's own world and mood unto itself. The reader wonders at which turn they will be led.

So many beautiful lines - Examples:

"Memories whisper to me like angels,"

"Clinging as they wait in the long-cast shadows.
The dreams closest to my soul they haunt."

This is just such a beautiful piece. The fourth and final stanzas are just a wonderful ending to this. The last two lines left me in awe, so nicely done.

It seems trite to talk about imagery, flow, mood, and all the other poetry descriptives reviewers use. This piece is true poetry, the kind we all aspire to, yet fail miserably at.

A wonderful job!

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83
Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, this is quite interesting.

I want to die on a cold winter night
Let the rain wash the pain away
Let the lightning guide my path

That is a good beginning. But, then you verge from your voice to what you want to happen to loved ones.

I want the tears of my loved ones
To get lost in the heavy rain
Their troubles and sins
Would never matter on that day


Let them receive the cruelty of life
With a chill on their spine
Let their cheeks turn blue

The last stanza is pretty much your wish for them to experience cruelty. I suppose you want them to see your death and then you'll have the pleaseure of knowing they will suffer moreso.

I can't find fault with the line formatting, and the crispness of the lines.

I guess for me the merging from your death to how much it will affect people around you (and that you WISH) them to be lousy and be in pain).......just doesn't give me much from the piece.

My opinion is one of many...so see what other reviewwers think.

Keep Writing!

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Review of My talk with God  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (4.5)
Again, another nice piece. You have a good flair for rhythm in your verse. You do a fine job hearing the beat of the lines, and are able to compose instinctively. That is a gift a poet needs when attempting rhymed verse.

Very nice.

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Review of Unspoken  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ah, very nice! An interesting piece filled with nice emotion, good rhythm, a curving wrap of lines which is altogether not too short and not too long. Some nice lines:

I'm merely the unspoken Voice
of the "Should haves", "Could haves" and "Mights"
the things that you wish you would have said
when-in the heat of the moment-your heart fights.

The words that held surrender
when the swords were drawn and the chips were down
the Thing you might have finally said,
if the right words had been found.


I like this alot! Good job!

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86
Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very nice! I love the title of this. "Dreaming in Browns" is such an inviting title. It has such a romantic feel, an the reader is interested. I love the mood and theme of the piece. Using an angel as the subject, and her thoughts to move the piece along, is quite wonderful.

I love the ending. It carries the piece to such an ethereal ending.

Good job! Keep Writing!

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87
87
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (4.5)
Again, very nicely done. I love the melody of this, and the sense of peace and sweetness in the lines. And you've included images which direct the reader to changing emotions within their hearts.

It was the five year anniversary to the day when the grand old ship slammed into the boat.

So you see who she was looking at wasn't meant to be; her son was lost that day while he was at sea.

"Remember mom, I'll always love you, and I'm always with you, I'll never leave you."


I love the "grand old ship" line. Very nice transition in the theme, inviting the heartbreak felt by anyone who has a son.

The only line that seems stilted to me is the beginning line of the piece. "sloped, flower covered grounds" is rather awkwardly read, compared to the fluidity of the rest of the piece. Perhaps it's the word "sloped" that is the hindrance.

But, other than that, this is quite beautiful, and heart-wrenching.

Good job!

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88
Review of The Song of Hope  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice! I love Dickenson, and you've made a nice attempt at exploring the theme. The imagery is good, the emotion free-floating, and serene.

There are a few bumps in the rhythm:

3rd line, second stanza.
3rd, 4th line of third stanza.

But other than that, i think you've done a fine job, and I enjoyed reading this!

Nice job! Keep writing!


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Review of Oh Night  
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ah, this is so pretty, truly a pleasure to read. Such wonderful meter and rhythm, an easy read, almost a whisper.....

Please add to this a brilliant moon,
With magic that makes lovers croon.
So slow the evening's shroud please fray,
I love to watch it slip away.

The whole piece is melody, and wind, and a caress upon the cheek.

Excellent!
90
90
Review by njames51
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ah, very nice job! I've not much else to say about this. I was attracted to the melody of the title, and glad that was the beginning line. I think the line formatting is also very nice, and promotes a generous fluid read. I like this:

of the end of an artist, his last note played,
and soul now freed from frantic races,
then one last touch of string and heart,

And also this:

and barely in texture of paint his shade
visible, leaving his body for places
unknown to me or you,

These lines wrap around the reader in a nice comforting zone, and move the imagery and theme along.

A fine job!

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Review by njames51
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderful piece about a wonderful woman. Sometimes, it is good to explore the lives of those that came before us. We learn why our husband's have the character they have. It's usually because their Mothers are women of honor and strength. I enjoyed this very much, and I'm sure this woman would love to read this piece. Sometimes people don't know how much they affect our lives. Your writing can be a benefit to people in your life, to let them know how much their life has influenced YOUR life.

Keep writing, and sharing these wonderful stories about true living heroes.
92
92
Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Haha....very nice. I remember now I read the "Ode To Everything" a long time ago, and you even included me in that poem. This is a nice follow-up. However, you know you start great and get into the whole "nothing" meaning, and then you kind of wander off into "nothing-nothing." LOL. The whimsical beginning falls apart in the middle and then the rhyming goes to h---. But, that's o.k. I guess, but I'd rather see the whimsical continue and continue to be witty. Nonetheless, an "Ode To Nothing" can't be "Everything" I guess. LMAO


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Review of The Nerd  
Review by njames51
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Another nice piece of writing. This offers expression and feeling, some nice anger, and a determination. Most of the lines flow well and the words are used sparsely without waste. There is some choppiness in some of the meter, though. The next to last stanza is choppy using the word 'expression' which could be smoothed out some. I love the last stanza:

But all these things don't matter
Because all that you just heard
Is "This guy thinks he writes poetry,
He must be such a nerd."

Altogether a nice piece, and, despite a little roughness, I think this deserves a 5 for the content, and the emotional power.

Well done!

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94
94
Review of Misunderstood  
Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Excellent. Good brevity of lines, and nice emotional expression. These are nice lines:

My soul is searching
Through dark green eyes.
Silent pleas
And muffled cries.

The judging's subtle.
Yet it still exists.
Beneath your eyes
And through the mist.

Again, for someone your age, you have a wonderful feel for rhythm and language, and are able to weave a melody in your verse. Another good job!

KEEP WRITING!

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95
95
Review of Heaven  
Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like this alot. You have a nice ability to make language melodic. You seem to be able to hear the whisper of words in a smooth rhythm. That is a gift for a good poet. Again, you need a little word chopping here, to polish this up. A few of your lines are forced and need re-write.

Stanza #1: This is quite beautiful and has nice melody.

What's said is said and done is done
A new step of life has begun

I love that third line. The last line I chopped one word.

Stanza #2: Again, nice melody. Add 'sons' instead of 'son'. It should be plural.

You hear the voices of everyone
Running down to greet their sons
Life’s woes that once had weighed a ton
Are now complete and finally done

The third line is choppy, and needs re-write.

Stanza #3: Again, very nice. Take out 'only' in the last line. You don't need that.

Stanza #4: Again, very nice, except for this: 'Perfection beyond a mortal stun'. This sounds like you were searching for a rhyme, and it doesn't work....it makes the verse choppy, and the reader stumbles. Re-write that line.

But, altogether, a fine job. You have a nice flair for rhyme, and in most cases, the rhymes flow sweetly, and naturally. That's what makes a piece comforting for a reader.

Keep up the good writing!

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96
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Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ah, this is very nice! Playful, bouncy with some nice rhythm. The message is serious, but hopeful, introspective, yet not depressing. Some of the stanzas need polishing, as the meter goes off in places. There are places where words can be cut, and other spots where adding a word will tighten the rhythm.

Stanza #1: 'Of webs I've spun.' I chopped two words there.

Stanza #2: Take out 'introverted' and replace with something else. 'introverted' is too many syllables and makes the line choppy.

Stanza #3: 'Like flights of birds.' I chopped words here also to improve flow.

Stanza #4: 'Lost in abyss.
Buried under snow.' Again I've chopped some words.

Stanza #5: 'My mind won't let go.' Again, I chopped a little.

Stanza #6:
Faith seems distant.
Future seems bleak.
Why must I hide
The dreams I seek?
Why, oh why
Must I be meek?

I cut a couple of words there also to improve flow.

Stanza #7:

Even in darkness
The sun's going strong.
All my worries
Are finally wrong.
Because I've discovered,
You knew all along.

Here I chopped some words for rhythm and corrected the tense in one line. In the fifth line, I substituted "I've discovered" in place of "You've discovered" I'm not sure what you meant here....but if I'm reading the intent here, then "I'VE discovered, YOU knew all along" makes more sense to me. I may be wrong, though.

So, if you read this again with the changes I made, having really only cut some words out of the piece, you'll see that it reads more melodically. The intent of the poem is still there, but it carries more effectively to the reader.

I think you are a fine writer, and have a promising future ahead of you. This is wonderful writing. Stop by my Poetry Review Forum for more reviews of any new poems you have in the future.

Good Job! KEEP WRITING!

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Review by njames51
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I am re-rating this again, since it has been revised.

HAHA...... this is terrific now! The last line of the piece is a riot, now! It's a "laugh out-loud" finish. Perfectly done! The fifth and sixth re-vise is great! It has "pizzazzzzz" now! A nice flourish to it.

But, your revision of the fifth, sixth, and last stanzas makes this thing read in a 'zippity' way, and it floats lyrically. The humor pippity-pops right out at the reader.

EXCELLENT JOB! You should win with this witty piece!
98
98
Review by njames51
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is pretty cute and funny. You have a nice rhythm going in the beginning verses, minus chopping a word here or there. But, the fifth and sixth stanzas read awkwardly to me. Especially the sixth stanza, you've got 'love' rhyming with 'love'....and there's no rhythm. And the last stanza totally went off in another direction. I think the final line, especially, left me scratching my head. the rhythm and meter is totally off. I love this stanza:

I blinked my eyes and no longer could see
A thing out of place, yet I knew I had seen
The mouse on my keyboard, caressing a key
A CD ejecting, a light on the screen.

That's funny and has perfect beat in the lines. the whole idea of a mouse taking over a 'puter' by itself makes the whole piece funny.

My suggestion is to read this piece out loud slowly. You'll hear the beginning stanzas chiming along in rhythm, and then suddenly go off in the fifth and sixth, and then go back into another rhythm in the seventh and eigth, and then hit perfect rhythm in the ninth...and then go off somewhere totally different in the final stanza. Am I confusing you yet? LOL.

If you read it out loud, slowly, you'll understand how I am hearing it. With such a lengthy piece, it's important not to lose the reader midway. And, especially not to have them stumbling over the final lines.

You just need to tweak this somewhat, and polish it, you may not need every stanza.

But, altogether I thought it was very funny. Just remember it's all in the delivery! (remember, this is only my opinion, and you can throw out anything I say!)

Good job!

Keep Writing!

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99
Review of Something, Still  
Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ah, very nice piece. This has a feel of remembrance, dignity, admiration in it, the surviving of a sweet spirit. I love the dignity of the woman, the human spirit of optimism I sense in her life, despite changes in her world.

Too long alone, too old to change,
she dreams of the house
with the white picket fence in the country

A very nice piece.

Good job!
100
100
Review by njames51
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welcome newbie!

I like this alot. This is a sweet beckoning to a cloistered soul, who defied the resignation of one living in that time. She would most certainly be a friend to many in our age. Your poem has a kindness, and a softness, and a bloom to it. It shows good use of descriptive language, and floats melodically. You have some sweet lines here:

Death laid open and bare upon the table
No longer the old bogey of our nightmares--
But a kind and courteous friend
Come to ease our pain

Thank you for being more
than they ever dreamed you were
More than the reclusive maiden lady
More than the ghostly moth in white

We would have been great friends, you and I

I think Dickenson would have been honored by your words.

Nice job!
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