This is a beautifully constructed story about a young woman and an old man who share time together at the park. They share treasured time together with Emily's piano keyboard and Arthur's voice. They meet often and enjoy each other's company.
Arthur one day tells Emily he is not long for this world. They share a beautiful sunset and Emily promises she will never forget him.
This is a very touching story with lots of good details. The passing of time changes the characters to be more than they were in the beginning.
This is an interesting item. In the darkness comes a light. The light is many colors from dark purple to light lavender--good descriptive detail. The image changes to show many religious images. The light includes a heat and that heat is a faith that fills the body. The character is filled with joy and runs and laughs until falling down in the mud. The light strikes again, drawing the character into a dark and deep tunnel. The setting changes and the light becomes different.
This seems like a dream sequence. There are continuing descriptions of the light. A bit unusual.
I noticed in the final paragraph you have one error. Check the second sentence. You have "I" without a verb.
I like the way you have described the baby birds waiting for their mother to bring them food. They wait by the clothesline wire and are subject to the blowing of the wind onto the clothes on the line.
The second stanza brings the reader to the present-day use of a clothes dryer, rather than putting clothes on the line.
This is a good Haiku about children and their summer fun. The lines have 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and the last line has 5 syllables. You do fine work.
The melancholy of this poem is very clear. The sadness and the continuing heartache are very clear. Being alone in a crowd is part of the feeling of having lost a love. Hope is hard to hang on to and the writer just wants to get through the loss one day at a time.
You do a great job of putting the reader in the time and space of the Civil War. You have the soldier missing his wife and longing to be reunited with her. The soldier is but a pawn on the battlefield where soldiers do their duty and some will lose their lives. The death of individuals doesn't matter as much as the reasons for the War Between the States.
The battlefield has separated the man from his wife, and he longs for the time when they can be together again. In the meantime, he answers the call of the drum and does the duty of a loyal soldier.
This is very good about writing as if the time is the Civil War and the problems and pains are happening now.
You did a great job of staying on track and exploring the different descriptions of heat in the city. Your rhyme pattern is easy to follow. I like that you included a lot of details about the effects of hot weather. This is long for a poem, and you do a good job from start to finish.
Interesting characters of Eddie and Woody and a smoke hopeful event. I've seen smokers turn purple the face with coughing fits. Your explanation of how the coughing starting out choking and winds down to a bit of spittle hanging between a lower lip and wrist is very descriptive.
"Sweet day shredding the sky" is a very colorful image, like a very colorful dawn. Your night images portray the darkness in your mind. The crimson tears are almost too much, but they paint an image of desolation in the lack of sleep you experience.
I like your personification of night having fingers, which leaves a small space for the feeling of darkness to slip in.
I like your centered formatting. The lines are easy to read since the stanzas are double-spaced.
I imagine this item is about a situation familiar to me. My back is injured and has arthritis and I used to spend most of my time in bed. I was taking pain pills and I thought that was my only option. When I changed doctors, he put me on a less strong pain pill, and I don't spend that much time in bed anymore.
Once you're in bed most of the time it's hard to imagine any other way. I can feel both sides of your concern.
Interesting item. I like that you deal with the vision in the distance and refer to it as a black wind. I can see it. I like that you have referenced a dog that isn't actually there. You have a very fine way of expressing details. You have used some fifty-cent words in this piece and the other piece that you've posted since you've been here.
I like your style. I know you will be pleased with the community here at Writing.com.
Set up your bio-block soon so people can know more about you.
This fascinating non-fiction item is about various religions and their beliefs. The information that a news hired is great. Several religious beliefs are explored. The author explored the beliefs of Christianity, the Koran, the Buddhists, the humanist beliefs, the Mormon, and many other beliefs. The outcome of this study is that all people are searching for the truth.
There are no definitive answers, but each religion says to do the right thing. The different ways people relate to God come in different forms. None are totally right or wrong. This is something to think about in your own mind and soul.
Your organization is excellent. You mention many religions and keep their beliefs from being confused with each other. You have excellent organization and your item is a fascinating read.
Great story about a girl traveling on a train. The suspense builds when she sees a young Arab boy outside of her compartment. Feeling concerned initially she overcomes her fear and smiles at the boy. He smiles back and they have exchanged a trust for each other.
The suspense increases as the story continues. The train conductor is searching for a couple known as terrorists. The girl is glad they are not searching for the boy she had exchanged knowing glances with.
This is the perfect setting for a terrorist story. The pace of the information shared is perfect.
Interesting story about a character who is set up as a driver by his and is taken advantage of. His big brother, a twin by a few minutes, sets the scene. The only thing the brother has to do is drive. No one is supposed to get hurt.
Bronc and Tony enter the jewelry store, and a gun and three shots come into play. This is a hint that the driver was lied to. The gun is tossed into the car as Mikey and Tony make a getaway in a second car, leaving Mikey with the gun. The evidence had been tossed into the waiting car. Tony and Bronc make their getaway while Mikey is left with the evidence. The older twin calls his brother a patsy and leaves with Bronc in the other car.
This story has an introduction a climax, and a denouement. The author gives a good bit of details and the story flows easily.
"Tony had promised there would be no shooting despite the fact that his brother had a gun. with no one hurt." suggest adding a preposition.
Very interesting story with details put together for understanding.
Interesting item about mediation, The author takes the position that anything focused on individually, blacking all distractions out, is meditation.
I like this idea. It makes meditation easier for me. You wouldn't have to sit in a certain position and chant. Mowing the yard or washing dishes can be meditation. The meditator just needs to have total focus. The author states that any activity that occupies a total focus is meditation.
I don't get this at
all. You don't have complete sentences to follow. I can't figure it out. It must have made sense to you at the time, but I don't get it.
This is a beautiful letter to a friend who has been a blessing to the author. The three paragraphs make the perfect length for this item. The writer includes a section on how the friend may not feel like she is always special, but she is. She brings her light to every project.
You have some great details. "The waves rise and crash on us" and "makes the dewdrops sparkle."
Great job. This is a letter I would like to receive. Write on.
I expected the end to be longer with a summary of what you said in the poem. I like the length of the first two stanzas. Can you add more to the last stanza to make it the same length as the other two?
Write on.
A story with lots of details, adverbs, and adjectives adding depth to the story.
A woman sits in a booth at a diner, reading the comics in her newspaper as she habitually does. A hand reaches into the blank space between her eyes and the newspaper.
This has a good story organization, with suspense building as she reaches for the hand. She turns into an image of herself and exits the diner. The author marvels at the possible hallucination he has seen and marks the day as a special event in his little town.
An esoteric poem about Bob Dylan, exploring the feelings brought to the fore by his lyrics.
Good use of vocabulary to make the feeling of his lyrics come through-- "riddles only just begun, fixing contradictions, promising old perceptions." The poetic language of this poem is exceptional.
This poem is truly a tribute and celebration to the undercurrent of Bob Dylan's work.
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