If you use "He," "Him,"
and it refers to God, you need to use a capital letter}
"Rush to Him who carries you"
If you are referring to a person use who rather than that or which.
Two lines begin with a capital letter and three do not. Use all capitals or all lowercase. The first sentence does use a capital letter correctly.
wRITE ON.
Please leave a space between paragraphs. It's difficult to read.
"He soon found it. Your sentence is a bit long. Add "it" and make another sentence.
"Some type of record." Be more detailed. Perhaps a criminal record.
"Antonio liked him though , and tried to help him," You only need one comma.
"He wanted to use as a different source of income." Delete "that"
" the story evolves..." You need to say what happened rather than say what is going to happen. If you want to end the story there, use a more relevant ending that wraps the story up. If you're writing another chapter, forget it.
I enjoyed the read. I only found a few little mistakes. You have done a very good job on this short story.
Good story. You do the passage of time really well. You have lots of descriptive phases. I like the way you built up all the efforts he had gone through to get her back.
The reconciliation was perfect. You made it positive until he put his hand in the wrong place. And you did a great job of wrapping up the story.
I didn't find any grammatical errors. You have five-star work.
I like this prose poem. You have lots of sounds: from the screeching of the gulls, to the shushing of the grass, to the snare drum rush of the crashing waves. You have great images in your poem too.
But I didn't understand the end. If the two are returned to the sea, that means they came from the sea. If they came from the sea, they wouldn't be human, would they? I thought about a mermaid and a merman, but that doesn't seem right. It's not fish because they flop on dry land.
I grew up on the Texas Coast and spent lots of time at the beach. This poem reminds me of the sights and sounds I came to know so well.
You need to use some kind of spellcheck. You can use the Word Program to help you check for spelling mistakes. Another choice is the FREE program Grammarly. Your writing is too good for you to fall prey to spelling errors.
Here are some words to correct:
horizon
sense
"probability"-- no capital letter. Use italics for emphasis, not a capital
letter
Physics speculate -- subject verb agreement
They actually -- word tense
Physicists -- you forgot the s. The other is correct.
state -- small letters
Cheech and Chong (yes, I know about them.) The Krause agreement
God delusion
sandwich
deny
This is a good essay in an informal style which is very appealing. I'm not sure I followed everything you said, but I'm not a scientist. I didn't understand your explanation in some cases.
This is a well-organized essay. I like the tone. It's great for tackling a hard subject and making understanding easier.
Cute story, especially with the use of necessary words. You worked them in seamlessly.
I really like the way you enumerated things that happened in a certain order--especially with the parts of the stove all the way to the fuse blowing. The cat trail is easy to follow too.
The first sentence is a run-on sentence. You need to have a period where the comma is. Add "is" to the second sentence.
The second paragraph starts with a sentence that needs a comma--before the "and."
This is an excellent flash fiction. You've done a 5-star job.
Nice article on Labor Day. I like that you spelled out the different uses and history in, but I didn't know that that day is celebrated as "Labor Day" in other countries. I also found it interesting that Labor Day began in the 1880s to pacify members associated with the Pullman Strike. I imagine that has to do with the railroads. You could include that information for those of us who don't know.
I have two suggestions for editing. Your first sentence is rather long. You might want to start a second sentence: "Labor Day/It is a tribute to the labor force...." It's a compound sentence and you don't have a comma:
The last sentence of your article has a "not only/but also" rule, Put a comma before the "but."
This was an interesting read and very informative. Your article has a nice tone too.
You have a very heartwarming story. I am bipolar so what you said about a mental diagnosis really hit home. My mother died 10 years ago. I cared for her too. She had additional caretakers to stay with her 24-7. I am an only child and my mother didn't want me to give up my independence for her. So in that way, we are different.
I enjoyed the read very much. I could feel the emotion behind you dealing with other family members who didn't understand your mother's situation.
The first paragraph is kind of long, and you might want to split it into two. I'd start the new paragraph with "She lost a lot of blood." All the sentences after have a similar topic.
Congratulations on using a semicolon correctly. A lot of people get that wrong.
I see a couple of issues in the last paragraph. "Abilify" does need a capital letter because it is the proper name of a medication. Two other times in the paragraph you capitalized words that didn't need a capital--"my life" and "aftermath." If you capitalized for emphasis, use italics instead.
Keep writing. You have the gift. I'm glad you were able to share your story.
This is a really good flash fiction. You fulfill all the points required of a short story.
I also want to congratulate you for getting all the quotation marks correct. When dealing with a long conversation I find it difficult to put a quotation mark everywhere it is called for.
I only found one grammatical mistake.
"sneak over to the door. Quiet Tommy."
Your plot and story are believable. The story moves along at a perfect pace. You hint of what is to happen in the story setup. When we learn that the boys did hit Dad with a baseball bat, this outcome is well prepared.
I like the show don't tell at your ending of the story. You've done a great job.
"In their long career"-- you have the beginning of a sentence without a capital letter.
"they had yet to complete"--you omitted a word
"Their handler" -- you missed a capital letter again.
If this is your choice I would encourage you to reconsider. It is a distraction in your writing. The rest of your writing has an educated professional tone to it. Don't ruin it by ignoring an important usage rule.
This is a wonderful story. I read this as an explanation of a man or woman making excuses for not making stated visits.
I noted that the person refers to lies a number of times. When I got to the end and realized the conversation was directed to a deceased spouse, the number of times that "lies" were mentioned made sense. It's easier to be straightforward when talking to a deceased person who's not staring you in the face, ready to respond to your every thought.
I like that you saved the full explanation of the conversation until the end. You keep the reader guessing and building an explanation for the soliloquy.
I enjoyed the read.
Write on.
Patrice
I want "to lay beside you"-- just a suggestion. It doesn't read like a whole sentence.
This was a long and well-researched project. Horoscopes for all the signs must have taken a long time and your hard work shows. My horoscope read like one in the newspaper. I value the info you included.
They provide toasty warmth..." Make your second long sentence into a couple of sentences.
"it has brightened very little" You don't have a referent for it. "It" could be the sun or the window.
I like that you use the word "defiantly" to describe the clock.
Your 5th paragraph is full of descriptive phrases of color and sound. Great job!
Where does "the sheet of slushy snow" break free" from? I would guess the window, but perhaps you could state that more clearly. I also like the repetitive sound in "slushy snow."
You have many excellent adjective and adverbial phrases of description. Each one builds a visual or auditory description for the reader.
This is an excellent piece of writing. Your purpose is clear and well-defined by examples. You hit all the senses except taste, which wouldn't really fit the descriptions you use so perfectly.
Your short story gives me the details to see and feel the experience you write about. Excellent effort. 5 star work.
Excellent introductory paragraph. You add suspense to your setting.
It was just a matter of time." tense
"window they had broken "Use the progressive tense because it just happened, as opposed to happening days ago--which would be past tense.
I like your description of the various items in the cabinet spilling and rolling. You make your sentence clear so that the reader can hear what's happening.
"Window they had broken" Use the present progressive form because it just happened.
The 4th paragraph has one sentence fragment at the beginning.
"It punctured partially severing his windpipe" You could make this better by using neck, or some other word, rather than "it."
"Headlights turned into the driveway. Her parents had returned
The second part of the sentence is a fragment. Make sure every sentence has a subject and verb. It's okay to use a dash in situations like this.
Your ending left me hanging. I wanted to know what happened to the intruders after her parents arrived. What happened to the bleeding man? Did the police come? Did her father have a gun in the car? Was this a random burglary or was there a specific reason her house was broken into? Were the burglars looking for something specific?
This is an excellent short story. I just feel like you could add more information to wrap up what happened next.
Your use of suspense is excellent. The editing points I mention are of small value. These are just points for editing and to make your story stronger.
See if you can find examples for using the past progressive tense. It portrays something that has just happened, as opposed to something that happened and was finished in the past. It's something to work on. It uses have or had with the verb.
This was a very enjoyable read. You did a great job of your plot.
This is a good start to a short story. You do a good job of describing the setting and setting a firm foundation of where the story will go.
I have a few suggestions for editing:
"I have waited all my life to be killed." Yes, this is an ominous start. Perhaps you could use a softer term. Waiting to die is a bit too much for a person in their whole life. It seems that the person never had an interest or
desire to live.
"After a few years, the people discovered how to manipulate it." You don't have a referent for it. I don't know what "it" is.
You're stating a subject that may need to be adjusted.
"It seemed to continue forever."
Your sentence is worded so that it seems the stream is resting instead of the people.
"Never-ending." Another sentence fragment. You don't have a subject and verb.
The last couple of sentences need to be in a new paragraph. You can be clearer about your meaning.
Don't let my number of suggestions concern you. You have a good, and intriguing start to your story. My suggestions are just to make what you have better.
You did use the semicolon correctly. Sometimes people don't. Congratulations!
You don't need to enumerate that you are giving a backstory. You could use a new paragraph for that purpose.
"Never-ending." You need a subject and a verb to make this a sentence.
Be careful of ever using fragments to express a whole idea. Use a hyphen to do this.
I like this essay and it was an enjoyable read. However, I think that you've jumped to some conclusions that are not necessarily so.
I don't see writing as changing my personality. I see it as expressing my personality in various forms and moods. Changing my personality is taking the role of writing a bit too far. Your topic would need to be related to your personality and definitely stated. I see you've made this point and reiterated it. That's a good method of making a point, I just don't agree with it.
Your use of the &" sign is very distracting. You have a formal essay, but you used shorthand for a term. It's good that you were consistent, but you should have spelled the word out.
I like the way you have enumerated each benefit. The numbers help the reader to distinguish your individual benefits.
I'm not sure I agree with some of your statements that followed by your conclusions. I see you are using a method of justifying each one. I see some overlap too.
Your essay is a valiant attempt to state a relationship between writing and aspects of life. In order to edit this I suggest you try to outline your essay. If you separate each point separately you will be able to distinguish your different points.
You have made a good effort at explaining something very difficult. You just need a bit more effort to distinguish your points and back them up clearly.
"Benefit 1" is clearly stated and explained. I like that you clearly stated your definition.
"Benefit 2" is clearly stated. I thought you might use your examples in list form.
Several points would have been better covered in a list.
You've tackled a difficult subject. You just need a bit more organization to clarify your thoughts.
You have written a lovely poem that personifies the power and aspects of God without stating it exactly. I like the repetitive use of "Shine on me."
This is a simple poem with a simple verse that totally covers the subject. I like the short lines with a greater meaning than one would expect.
This was an enjoyable read.
I found just a few suggestions for editing:
"to see the footsteps that lead" rather than leads==subject verb agreement
When you use the term "lord," it should be capitalized. Any term referring to God needs to be capitalized.
I like the image of "a shining rainbow.'' Rather than referring to a rainbow in the sky, you refer to the light of the rainbow as it shines down on earth.
This is an excellent poem, full of images that the reader can see.
This is a lovely essay about personified Pen and Paper. You have explained their meaning in many ways. I like the various ways you describe the Pen and Paper--your friend who allows you to experience various aspects of life.
I especially like your sentence about the baby being an angel. You may have been inclined to write a long sentence because of the emotional attachment that you have. I like that you keep it simple.
This is a well-developed essay about our friends Pen and Paper. I enjoyed the read.
I found a few small errors you may want to go back and edit:
"They are a couple." It's a new sentence and you didn't capitalize.
"beloved's face" You need an ownership apostrophe.
The last sentence may be a fragment, I think you need a subject.
I grew up by the beach and have watched a lot of ocean docudramas. You bring the splendor of the sea to life with colors and sea life. The pace of the poem is relaxing and has an inquisitive air.
This is a short poem that fills all your requirements. It's very compact but portrays the Christmas season unmistakably. You have a poem full of smells and colorful tidbits.
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