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True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
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Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
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poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
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226
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Dear Writer_Mike :

Thank you for participating in the "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  contest. Sorry it's taken so long to get around to judging. Its a pleasure to read and lend my feedback.

I see this was written for prompt for Promptly Poetry. And, I see we have embarked on ye olde English of a certain era that could go as far back to Shakespeare's times.

I'm noting a hint of rhyme with the first line and the fourth/last in this three verse piece. There is an interesting structure: from the top line a question, to the last verse where three lines ask the final question. It's short questions to short answer and the flips, give a nice topsy-turvy reversal that lends to read flow and the intonation of its words.

Poems that ask questions can tease, or could try to answer. Looking at this vague set of questions, it seems ominous. Hard to know. When I read, I sense a fraction of a story snipped out of something longer, as with any soliloquey in an early bard play. The narration feels like it speaks more to the self, but is reflected without, as if it knows an audience has ears.

"What bringeth the morrow?" You could use 'morrow, since an abbreviation and would fit with the contracted P'raps. In my mind I think a contraction should sound Pr'haps or Pr'aps. It's funny how looking at it plays on the mind and how to enunciate the sound, though knowing the true word. As to the answer, conjecture:

"None can say for sure.
P'raps joyous tidings
or news with great sorrow."

Essentially truth, nothing to remark upon. We cannot disagree with the 'who knows' of it all.

"Can any stop its coming?" The next question that plays off the first. And we wonder if we are starting to worry about the future. It's also becoming introspective, if spoken alone. Thinking aloud and providing answers in real time, we are figuring out where these thoughts spun in poem are going...

"None that now walketh here,
breathing our common air
in their coming and going."

Again, this does not illuminate a lot on the reason for the words, poem. It has us wondering where this will take us with the coming summation. This poem is relying solely on a narrative that feels like one half of a conversation about the fate of man, the future of man. I'd slip in there a little about 'free will' and how will our fate play out.

Now, the format flips to a long question for a short zinger/pay off. The poem has coasted until now, biding time to tease a reader to wonder, to consider the narrator's ponderings...

"What, then, can any do
to assuage the pain
that assails us all?"

'Assuage' fits in the mix for archaic words that again make me think of an era in the past where a character asks questions that intone the age-old dilemma of fate-destiny. But, now the final line...

"Care, love - just be you."

To me, this is a modern response, similar to "I'll do me. You do you." "It is what it is." We just accept things as they are. We "go with the flow". Going 'loosey-goosey' was less an option in olden times. Civilization was much more barbaric, rigid, and issues dire. Nowadays, we have options more like free will.

The ending is not a strong pay off, but it works. The poem on the whole could use some further introspection on how it might be received, viewed by an audience. However, writing poetry is the more rewarding part of the process. It's less about readership and acceptance. But, at the end of the day, writers are trying to have a voice, hoping to add to the conversation.

Suggestions might include use of visual words. Even in the bible, followers were described as lambs. Pain would be akin to the slings and arrows. Air could be breathed anywhere. Locales from garden to sea and places in between give a reader something sensory.

I feels it's a worthy write as it stands. But, like a child rubbing a nose into the head of a dandelion, you feel the soft head, collect a yellow dust, inhale a sweet aroma that can apply to taste too, and such a vivid yellow...all taps into youth, innocence, sensory. There is a theme to a write, there is a way to connect reader to text in a way that does more than tell or show, but feel something move within for a reader.

You can craft a great flow of words that cohesively collect and tell a story. Story poems might be something you might be good at. Using picture words, sensory and symbolism, you can intone a message and theme in your poem that could really resonate with readers.

I really appreciate the opportunity to consider your poem for this activity and enjoyed considering your progression as poet and how you express your words as a craftsman of words. Truly a pleasure,

Brian
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227
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm pleased to have crossed a unique piece of poetry in "Reductio Ad Absurdum" .

The essay "Reductio Ad Absurdum" showcases a unique and creative approach to language and expression, but it also presents challenges in clarity and readability. Let's explore what felt so right and ways that can improve this item:

1. Creativity and Expression: The essay excels in creativity and the use of language. The writer employs a rich vocabulary and intricate sentences to convey complex emotions and thoughts. This creativity effectively captures the reader's attention and creates a distinct atmosphere.

2. Emotional Depth: The essay successfully delves into the theme of emotion and its impact on human existence. It portrays the idea that emotion can reduce human beings, which is a thought-provoking concept.

3. Use of Latin: The use of the Latin phrase "Reductio Ad Absurdum" in the title adds an intellectual and philosophical layer to the essay, indicating the writer's intention to explore deep concepts.

However, there are several areas where the essay could be improved:

1. Clarity: The essay's complexity and use of uncommon language might hinder comprehension for some readers. The writer should aim for greater clarity and simplicity in their writing to ensure that their message is accessible to a wider audience.

2. Grammatical Errors: There are grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures throughout the essay that can distract from the message. A thorough proofreading and editing process is essential to eliminate these issues.

3. Examples and Illustrations: The essay would benefit from concrete examples or illustrations to clarify the abstract concepts discussed. Providing real-world scenarios or anecdotes can make the ideas more relatable to readers.

In summary, "Reductio Ad Absurdum" demonstrates a strong ability to convey complex emotions and concepts through creative language and expression. However, this could focus on improving clarity, eliminating grammatical errors, and providing more relatable examples to enhance the accessibility of knowledge offered.

Encouragement is extended to the writer to strive for a better understanding of language and usage and provide clearer concepts that may hinder reader comprehension while maintaining what I found to be a unique and creative style. Expanding the scope of the essay to include practical applications or implications of the discussed ideas could also make it more engaging and thought-provoking for the audience.

Brian
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Review of Free will  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
For Delia, aka dells, my review of "Free will " :

The essay "God's Love And Free Will" presents a personal testimony that effectively illustrates the connection between religious tenets and individual decision-making. The writer's emotional reaction in the movie theater, triggered by a scene about free will, demonstrates the power of personal experiences in guiding our choices. This essay rightly highlights the importance of free will as a demonstration of God's love, allowing individuals to make genuine choices rather than mere obligations.

The writer effectively emphasizes the idea that we live through experiences to help us shape our decisions. Their realization in the movie theater that they had a choice to continue watching or leave is a poignant example of this. By deciding to leave and later checking a movie review, they made an informed choice that aligns with their values.

However, there's room for improvement in the essay. To make it more comprehensive, you could provide additional examples of how free will plays out in daily life or in more significant moral dilemmas. Expanding on this could strengthen their argument. Additionally, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into the dangers of close-mindedness in today's society, explaining how it can hinder personal growth and unity. Providing specific examples of such close-mindedness could make this point more impactful.

In conclusion, the essay effectively conveys the idea that free will is a demonstration of God's love and the importance of making informed choices based on personal experiences. By incorporating more examples and elaborating on the dangers of close-mindedness, it could become an even more compelling and thought-provoking piece.

Keep writing and experiencing life,

Brian
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Review of Stream  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear PiriPica :

Thank you submitting "Stream"  for the Red Wheelbarrow Contest. I truly love the opportunity to get to know each author/poet with their offerings, as especially described for particular contests, this one being a free-for-all. Its a personal connection that is made when someone steps up to offer a part of themselves to me, and I appreciate it and will take care of your words with the kindess that offered them up.

And I want to do that author’s offering justice by giving them the best attention and most thoughtful words to show, I have taken the time to understand what you’ve crafted, in a way that I can respond in a humble, yet inspired account of words displayed in your poem. Hopefully I can highlight your work, please the poet. Reviewing is a way/medium to further the lens of a writer, considering whatever ultimate goal poets like you seek to achieve.

Here I have found a poem that is a mix of personification and a human connection to nature, showing us the workings of a mind. What it has to offer. It’s a statement, like, please consider me, don’t underestimate me, and understand. By the end, fear, ending, destiny ultimately will play a hand.

To structure, lines are short, to the point, but show flowing as well as expressing it in context. There’s imagery, but strong personification that allows this reader to feel something building before that thaw. I like to read end words of each line in a row. These punctuate pauses in a poem, grab the eye and imagination.

What I also Noticed was some light rhyme, assonance. Not particularly lyrical to the ear, but it’s a frozen scene depicted. With that it's important to guide a reader's eyes as well as emotions in the way text is laid out. If feel, purposefully, the read quickens with short lines for that thaw releasing water.

Narration theme calls the reader to listen, commands. Strong words. Some a bit snaggy like ensconced which was high brow, versus tinkling connected to snow and water which made me think of urination in snow. Slight snags that lightly distract a reader.

Overall, this feels like a natural read, conversional, with some foreboding, and a call to action, to consider. Ultimately, it’s fate, it’s death that play heavy hands. Is it environmental, or is it how the writer considers life, coming to the end of that stream. My thoughts would be an open bay of blue…get lost in that merge, find joy, or heaven? Readers who connect can have feelings of their own, relate how they wish.

This poem is broad in perception, could have a more pointed message, focused, but truthfully not. Who knows what the ending of life could be. Loose grip on our free will at some point? We don’t get to know -- unless it’s cancer or other worse case scenarios.

Best message in “Stream”…

In freedom there is fear,
in new structures there is wonder.

That is the building block for a solid poem.

Thank you for your poem to consider and appreciate, with a thoughtful approach to address this reader with its context to subtely comment on life. I let you know that I am legally blind, probably known. Does not prevent me from reading and considering offerings, as I feel it is second nature in me to eagerly devour text and find hidden nuggets of gold shimmering within. And hopefully to let it shine without for other audiences to see impact your words have had upon this lowly writer/reader.

Thanks again for participating,

Brian,
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Review of Poetic Tension  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Words Whirling 'Round :

Nice! I like how you twist an idiom to make it you own, like 'diametrically composed' which sounds a bit neurodivergent…or it’s just me.

Great read and flow to poem. Superior in word choices and how it sets a narrative tone that cannot be touched. "Poetic Tension" is thought-provoking, explores the eternal struggle between left and right brain, drawing clever and vivid metaphors to depict internal conflict. It effectively uses poetic devices and descriptive language to create a captivating read.

In each verse, you employ metaphors to describe different aspects of the left brain vs. right brain struggle:

1. Math as a Vestal Virgin: The left brain's dedication to logic and rationality is metaphorically represented by "Math, a vestal virgin," highlighting its unwavering commitment to the temple of science. This personifies math, emphasizing its purity and devotion to reason.

2. Words as Streetwalkers of Discourse: In contrast, the right brain's affinity for language and creativity is depicted through the metaphor of words as "streetwalkers of discourse." This personification portrays words as flexible and adaptable, catering to the desires of those who use them. *Wink*

3. Truth as a Wriggling Eel: The poem takes a philosophical turn, comparing truth to a "wriggling eel." This metaphor captures the elusive nature of truth, emphasizing how it can slip away from the grasp of conflicting norms. My life. *RollEyes* The use of personification gives truth a tangible quality.

4. Poetry Living Between the Lines: Finally, the poem characterizes poetry as "diametrically composed" and as living "between the lines." This metaphor highlights the delicate balance poetry strikes between opposing forces, representing a harmonious coexistence of logic and creativity within the world of poetry. What I strive for…on a good day. Or, like this poem.

This piece effectively portrays the internal struggle between the left and right brain as an eternal conflict, suggests that this tension is inherent to human experience, highlighting the dichotomy between our rationality and creativity.

The strengths of the poem lie in its tightly constructed, descriptive language and its skillful use of metaphors to convey complex ideas concisely. It engages the reader by delving into the abstract concept of the left brain vs. right brain struggle and making it tangible to this reader through vivid imagery.

I liked the style, structure, and language usage — commendable, particularly in ability to capture the essence of each facet of the ‘eternal’ conflict. The concise and focused structure of the poem allows for a quick, impactful read.

If you wanted to improve this, lord knows why, you could add further context or expand metaphors to further the poem's rich depth. While the brevity is a strength, a slightly longer exploration of each metaphor could enhance the reader's understanding and engagement. Some poems are just too good to be edited or extended.

"Poetic Tension" is thought-provoking, skillfully uses metaphors and descriptive language to convey the eternal struggle between the left and right brain. Its strengths lie in its concise yet vivid portrayal of this conflict, explores layers of the brain with great meaning.

Five stars! What more can I say to top that/this. Thank you for once again gracing the contest with an entry and giving some great fodder to lend thoughts in a review,

Brian
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Review of Poetry is...  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Dave ,

Thank you for being the first to enter an offering in this month's contest. It's a pleasure to consider your poetry for feedback. Sorry I took the summer off before judging.

My initial thoughts on first read:
I was particularly moved by the impactful third stanza with so much imagery that it made me want to slow down, as with a car ride, to take it all in. Also appreciate how the poem ended on a nostalgic feeling, reminding me life is linear and our early experiences like grandma's dishwater bucket come back distinctly, vividly last black and white film perfectly framed.

Overall:
Your poem beautifully captures the essence of poetry as a medium to convey emotions, experiences and perspectives. The piece invites readers to explore the multi-faceted nature of poetry, celebrating its ability to paint word pictures that resonate with the heart and soul.

One noteworthy aspect is its vivid imagery. You masterfully use metaphors and similes to compare poetry to various experiences in life, such as dancing, capturing fleeting moments, and acting as a prism. This approach engages the reader's senses and emotions, making the poem an evocative journey through the essence of poetry.

Truly appreciate the choice of a conversational and accessible writing style. The poem feels like a heartfelt conversation with the reader, inviting them to reflect on a myriad of ways poetry can be experienced in everyday life. This approach makes the poem relatable and inviting to a wide range of readers.

Two points I might make could further enhance the focus of the poem:

1. Clarity of Message: While the poem beautifully illustrates the diverse facets of poetry, it could benefit from a more explicit central message or theme. Providing a clear focal point or takeaway for the reader would make the poem even more impactful. Not that it's necessary.

2. Structure and Consistency: While the poem employs the contest requested free verse style, ensuring a consistent structure or pattern, such as a regular rhyme scheme or meter, could enhance the flow and musicality of the piece while demonstrating further what poetry does/is. If you were to go in another direction. This would likely create a reading experience that was even more harmonious.

This was a heartfelt and eloquent exploration of the essence of poetry. It successfully celebrates the diverse ways in which poetry mirrors life and human experiences. To improve the focus, if you think needed, consider refining the central message and introducing more structural consistency. Nevertheless, your ability to convey the beauty of poetry in such a relatable manner is praiseworthy that resonates colorfully expressions of the love for this art form we choose.

I thought about how this could introduce a chapbook of poetry or be used amid a series of poems like an interruption to take a moment to consider, giving one a moment to celebrate poetry in this light.

It was so good to have your entry and interest in the group and contest. I am honored to have your writing grace this activity and to be allowed consider it for feedback. I gave it a perfect score as it stands. Suggestions for improvement could apply to the poem or anything and are offered to help with approaches and perspectives of/on poetry as I grow as reviewer and poet who needs to turn the art form inside out and get all the lint from the lining of its pockets. I wax,

Brian
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Review of SELF CHECK-OUT  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG ,

I'm delighted you offered a poem for the summer contest edition of the Red Wheelbarrow contest (that's what I'm calling it now, since I delayed judging for personal reasons *Laugh*. I've taken a long look at "SELF CHECK-OUT" , a subject that I can relate with as a self-checker-outer. I had all kinds of thoughts of my own about the subject. I'll weigh in on that, too.

This poetic piece casts a discerning eye on an annoying modern shopping innovation - the self-checkout system. With consumerism nowadays comes a conundrum...to check out or not to check out yourself. Convenience reigns supreme. In this insightful and somewhat humorous poem, "SELF CHECK-OUT," you boldly point out the flaws in a practice that has become ubiquitous (big word) in today's retail landscape.

I liked how the poem quickly delves into the matter with short, direct utterances and immediate concerns, with a candid and straightforward tone. This addresses the transition from traditional manned checkouts to self-checkout kiosks, capturing the irony that while these machines save companies money ("bling, bling"), they do so at the expense of hardworking employees who have lost their jobs ("My friend, she lost her job. So did Sherry, so did Bob."). Love the flow of that line.

You cleverly emphasize the notion customers, essentially, become unpaid cashiers when they opt for this modern convenience. The poem reminds me of my nightmares...struggling to scan with my low vision, have items not ring up properly, the struggle bagging. Nightmares recalled when I forgot my wallet!

This poem keenly observes and highlights a paradoxical situation where individuals willingly take on the role of an unpaid retail worker while companies profit ("Self-check-out you work for free. They deposit the savings with glee."). The poem vividly paints a picture of the hardship faced by these ousted employees and their struggling families, driving home the impact of this shift in retail dynamics.

I might be able to suggest some ideas for improvement, if necessary to further this poem. What you can try to enhance the impact further:

1. Expand Imagery: The poem can benefit from more vivid imagery to engage the reader's senses. For instance, describing the "bling, bling" in more detail or painting a picture of the struggles faced by the laid-off workers can be more immersive.

2. Rhyme and Meter: While the poem effectively conveys its message, moving in swiftly at the start (hooking this reader), refining the rhyme and meter further could enhance the poem’s lyrical quality. A consistent rhyme scheme or rhythmic pattern can add musicality to the verses. An example:

You started out 6-7-6-7 with your syllable count on the smooth introductory lines:

Self Check-out words for thought.
Paid not, self-checkout I bought.
My friend, she lost her job.
So did Sherry, so did Bob

Then, we get to here, where it’s 9-10

The workers were fired from their jobs.
These families struggle and they do sob.

You could cut articles like ‘the’ or make a more direct link to sob, say:

‘Workers fired from their jobs,
families struggle and (they) sob.’

Back to 6-7 syllable count. Good rhyme scheme. Parenthetically, I added ‘they’ because words that flow together easily hide spaces between syllables that make a read choppy or too short. Sounding it out helps you know if that extra word/syllable can slide in there to give the words a better flow/ride through the text of your poetic vehicle.

3. Title Refinement: Consider a title that encapsulates the poem's essence more succinctly, making it easier for readers to grasp the subject matter at a glance. A title like "Checkout Dilemma" or "Self-Checkout Took My Job" might encapsulate the theme more explicitly.

In conclusion, your exploration of the self-checkout system through verse is both thought-provoking and entertaining. It shed light on a societal issue through the lens of poetry, which is commendable. With a few refinements, if you think, I see potential to resonate even more deeply with readers, offer a unique perspective on the complexities of modern consumerism.

This was a great subject to approach, and would also make a fine essay, because I feel there is so much more about the trials and tribulations of self checkouts, and how we deal with getting in and out of a store without that headache.

Thank you for you entry in the contest. It was a pleasure to read and consider this terrific poem.

Brian
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Review of Yellow Stone  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a SUPER power Reviewer member to member review…

Dear sindbad

The subject of Yellowstone national park caught my eye. My family is from South Dakota and we have visited that region recently. So, I thought I could illuminate you further with response, since you might not ever get to see the beauty and the wonder of this area in person that boasts so much more than can meet the eye from the bison that roam a natural preserve to Devils rock mountain, a massive flat peak, to the train ride of the area, to Black Elk, a challenging hike that’s enjoyed by many.

Reading your item really gave me a laugh when you noted,
"Careful though as the bison is not nearly as friendly as it might appear in the pictures !!!"

YES! And it happened to us. We were stuck waiting for buffalo to pass and my wife moved the vehicle too soon...Right where the front quarter panel was prepared he lowered his head and rammed it into our wheel well. I tried to warn her but I knew he missed the spot that was fixed. I also knew we needed to get somewhere safe because in two minutes, we were unable to drive with a flat, horned tire. Ordeal getting that replaced on vacation. So, got pet one of the donkeys. The first time we went, my daughter was able to walk up and hug a scruff, gray one.



Your non fiction take of Yellowstone is spot on. There's even a series now with Kevin Costner. Besides the park wild and lake itself, it's not far from many historic locations, like an iconic national monument to four great presidents that stands. Mount Rushmore. What’s great about it is you can walk right up and under their noses, in a beautiful preserve. The area boasts so many rock cliffs like Rushmore, one wonders how that location was chosen. Also, Deadwood is another much talked about old western area that many famous people passed through, definitely plenty to see and do in that area.

What a great piece to find and relive the experiences we had and share one of my own. Hope you get to travel and experience it one day.

Brian
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a SUPER Power Reviewer member to member review…

Dear GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen

It’s a pleasure to receive your poetic offering in the "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  contest. I’m looking forward to reading and hopefully provide feedback that can be of any assistance with my insight.

‘The Tendrils of Life’ is a great title. I wanted to see more visual evidence of it.

Impressed by these lines…

Their stares were trenchant darts
Piercing every piece of Him

Him, God?

Some of this seemed personal to the poet, unless telling someone else’s story, like a religious testament, but did not allow the privilege of knowing the full story when you write…

This land I found my first breath
Fourteen years ago

This land, where? An expression of feeling within? A metaphor?

Though I’ve moved past this in my personal life, these lines resonate to which I especially relate:

They wanted me not, They wanted my absence
To get lost and vanish in oblivion…
Here I am- lost, alone, frightened
Everyone hated me, they wanted me... dead

That ending is quite ominous and eye-opening. Interesting place to stop. That stabs a reader emotionally to provoke thought.
I did enjoy the read and subject matter, something which I can relate.

Suggestions…
At end of first stanza I think singular ‘soul’ is what you mean.

I wanted to know more what the tendrils are, what it represents. When you use general pronouns like ‘them’, you have an opportunity to boost the language with symbolic, descriptive emotional adjectives or nouns that abstractly apply. The opening words could say more to clue a reader in with more depiction in expressions to set scene:

The world beneath this forlorn sky
Battered painfully by their ceaseless cries

I wasn’t sure who the villain was. But, read it as an internal struggle against outside forces. The poem reads like a vent/rant/doom, yet from a survivor POV, as if story only begun.

I sometimes let my iPad leave a cap letter at the start of each line. A poem as an easy read can get away without punctuation, especially if there is a natural pause at the end of every line. When I polish a piece, I reread to see if I should lower some caps to indicate the continuation of a thought and/or function to produce a smooth read.

You employ what some called ten dollar words. I enjoyed learning something new. What puzzles me is it archaic language mixed with modern episodes in life?Colorful words like this could confuse a reader. Sometimes, I can put a word like ‘trenchant’ in context aided by metaphor, imagery, scene and/or emotion to make the reader feel they understand its application. You taught me something new, however.

Push yourself to find colorful words that show more than tell. You can use an online thesaurus, have a fun hunt-clicking words that catch your eye, to make word choices with logical associations. The byproduct of this process is your vocab will increase. You’ll find more joy in the themes chosen.
Added note on that: I have found words with so many diverse associated words, I could pluck out thematic nouns, verbs, adjectives to make a cohesive, singular metaphor to string together into good poems.

What I would say about your poem overall is it has a strong, emotional narrative, unique language and something of an uphill battle for recognition and possible redemption.
On the flip side, I could only apply emotive elements to the message with visual or metaphoric evidence among other poetic devices for needed overall clarity.

I liked the strength and vigor of this write. It was a pleasure to lend feedback to your poem,

Brian
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Review of I fall...  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a Super Power Reviewer member to member review…

Dear Princess Zelda ,

It’s a tear drop! I don’t know how difficult it was to produce this, but wonder if you considered using a color like light blue for more clarity. I know sometimes colors don’t do justice in these scenarios. I like how title and description perfectly set up the concept of the shape poem. The dot-dot-dot got me wondering if there was going to be suspense, a reveal, some sort of completion. It teased.

What I note from the start is the line, “I fall so you can stand.” There’s no suspense, as with a water droplet, which really is too big and round to come from an eye. I wondered if it had hung suspended a reader could move through the text with anticipation the fate.

But as I read on, this poem acts more like emotional therapy. A symbol of a tear and holding it back is the premise. Learning how to let go is the message. Furthermore, the words are comfort, which eases fear, like realization of tears might suggest we’re broken. It, in contrast, it helps one heal, move on.

The best choice of words to describe the teardrop’s aim is ‘cleanse’ as water washes us, like baptism cleanses soul. But, rather than that direction, you gonto vision, “clarity”…another great word. Here the poem suggests the process clears vision, a hydrated eye, but it also brings a greater understanding of self, perhaps wisdom through experience.

And the personification at the middle of these poem adds impact, as it is self-healing. The tear is a part of us, and it reminds our body knows how to cure itself, why not give it words to communicate how it functions and relief comes.

The echo of the beginning with the end brings this full circle, and reason why we don’t need suspension. Repeating themes in this way can really intonevthe power of a poet’s message. The tear shape helps a reader visualize as well as feel the power of the message.

It was a pleasure to read and lend my thoughts to your great poetic achievement.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer.
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Just for the actuarial department:
Not a suggestion to repair, but tear drops and water drops look different. This is still effective, noting a factual thing that really doesn't get noticed typically, or distract a reader.
To include consideration of impact from adding font color to highlight or brighten, if you think it works.
For future poem ideas and concepts, you could consider something like the suspension of the tear and let it release at the end. It would be an entirely different poem, based on the concept to show progression to finish, unless we are recounting an event and its impact. Just something to consider to try with really any thing/subject.

I'm a legally blind writer with neurodivergence, in case my hyperactivity leads to any goofs herein, so you know.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really enjoy this event "WdC 2023 Birthday Review Raffle - CLOSED" , Schnujo is Late to Lannister ! it offers me the opportunity to show people how I can encourage and create a path for other writers to follow to hopefully get more out of their writing.

Thanks for the opportunity to link in your forum. Kudos to all who support that make this a great event. It’s evident that it takes a lot of work, from an actuarial standpoint. My comments hereafter are just borne out of a response I had to my approach to reviewing (at this particular website) and beliefs and tenets that have cultivated over nearly a half century *Shock*writing, about 20 critiquing, and a little philosophy, with some psychiatry thrown in.

My plain suggestion and vague thesis: retool your format just a bit. Or, don’t. You may know what drives the WDC locomotive better than this reviewer. And, I don’t say this for my benefit, but for better encouragement of reviewers out there honing skills to comprehend what they review while building associations that could increase communication and activity amongst patrons. Perhaps, just a bit, help retool the mindset of what good feedback could be: our impressions and not with red pens, though spelling and notable grammar errors do benefit. But, that’s not truly reviewing. That’s editing.

I know there are a lot of reviewers out there who could inadvertently negate another writer’s work unnecessarily, causing ruffled feathers to discouragement. Theres a mine field of dead accounts to wade through. Even the live ones can seem like dead accounts, seldom visited.

Again, your event is a positive experience. However, readers can spot things for improvement just by giving impressions of what their scribes relate to them. Some are worthy to suggest notable errors (there are very few and I would not consider myself one), but can use wisdom to just point out things without telling them what to fix. To notice this subtlety might be too much task for the crew screening reviews.

I suggest redefine the definition of what is help. But, you conceived of this contest, and it’s your baby. But, if I were more direct in a review, the types of things I would suggest back in the day made some irate, factoring in my blunt, Aspbergery neurodivergence. I’ve ruffled so many feathers in the past because of my impulsiveness. Got myself a year long ban from something this past year. Sadly, I think it’s talked about in circles I’m not a part of, because I could feel a pall, shift in the force. *Laugh* It didn’t bother me. I’m now a fully-fledged (whatever that means), card-carrying neurodivergent with ADHD prone to say what’s on his mind. And muleheaded in a lot of ways that do me no favors.

We each have different principles. I feel no two can be fully alike, and I know my utterances caused one remarkable retort, ‘if you don’t like it, you can leave,’ when I thought my remarks were helpful. So, it took me a long time to earn yellow. I’m glad that dialogue with curious members ended. But, it said a lot. The ban reinforced old philosophies of mine about changing of the guard did little to host a new mentality. So I walk on the sidewalks and through alleys and do my best to be present, helpful but stay clear of anything that could cause me to act before fully processing something 21 times through.

Back to it: Reviews that dictate leave little room for discourse. I’m guessing writers don’t get to know each other from back and forth replies. It’s possible it’s a systemic thing. I’ve seen all sorts of evidence that suggests we funnel members here or there (or away) to benefit the community in general. As a purveyor of an activity or two, I’ve found it a delicate operation to put myself in a position to judge others, lacking a top hat and carnival atmosphere. Idealistically for this site, I’m the wrong type. As a writer and reviewer, I’m leaps and bounds ahead because I don’t follow the crowd.

And I don’t have shiny dollars to chase, though I hunted those gps back in the day, having fun. I sobered up.

But your activities give writers an outlet to share. Don’t change what you’re doing because of my ideals, but what you think is best for WDC overall. Lord knows, I can’t fully wrap my head around some of the things, but I have no bias against the overall community and how it has served these many years. But, trying to get people to give away their life’s work in trade for a legacy account was an eye opener. A lot of writers didn’t get noticed until after death. Though, probably not the case any more.

Anyhoo, I’m long-winded and off subject again. You do you; I’ll do me. Just figured I’d pay my respects with these two cents,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Sorry for blunt forwardness and being ‘as public as a frog.’ Real as I can be without seeming impolite to the others. You, you’re great!
I don’t like to low rate either. Numbers are just numbers, but can hurt some writers more than reviewers know. Speaking for the whole and from 17 years of review responses.

Sorry if typos. Blind, late, work in the a.m.
Bluntly honest his whole life because Mama said to always tell the truth.
sadly, i don't know what truth is these days...*RollEyes*
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Poppy,

I have so many questions about linear time, or the age of that tree. This is a fascinating story. Not the type I would search out, but it would warm the heart of a naive child. There are many common storytelling elements/tropes used in this type of fiction. There may be something unique, as well. I especially enjoyed the story once we got a better feel, reveal, of how these little people go unnoticed.

If this doesn’t take place where these little people are believed to exist, we need some kind of idea about geography, what type of family. The spiritual nature of these creatures and how it is preserved. The ending was contrived with they fixed a bunch of stuff. Quick end. But, You note a desire to turn this into fiction length. If young adult, easy enough. I’d have the little girl and elf become friends, help guard their secret, have her be heralded for her support to save their world/environs, along the lines of Alice in Wonderland. But, without the creepy characters, but lovable, quirky types because they’re not like you and I, and in that same scope, see humankind as unusual, too.

The depictions of home and gnomish world intrigue. I need dimensions, and the dimension of time. If they indeed live in a hollowed out tree, its max lifetime capability is between 60-75 years. Hollowed is much less, suggests dead. And, why not remove it from property? Though, you can describe a spiritual nature guarding the tree and any perception that it never grows old. These people claim to live a lot longer. How is time kept, does it move slower? The girl could visit and be only gone an hour when it’s a half day or more in their time, which means it would affect her body’s chemistry, or aging. Might need reversal. She might be a teen or grown up when she’s out. She might lose the childlike ability to believe in these people. They get her back and return her to her normal age. Her parents think her a stranger or relative for that short while, might start a manhunt to find her. These elves reverse time so none of that happens. They sacrifice some of their spirit magic to save her. Only, they’ve transferred it to her and she becomes guardian. Maybe, I should write the book! Haha, jk. With that knowledge she can protect that tree forever. Grow to live a long life.

Otherwise, It could be a scenario where a human morphs into dwarf if they spend too much time in another dimension, making it perilous. Think Pinocchio as donkey-earred.

This story gives me lots to chew on, especially as a potential novel effort for you. A storyline to preserve the spirit that powers their world and adventures to figure out what they need to sustain life require the two young ones to team up, as elders run into conflicts where youth can save the day.

Nice story. It was a pleasure,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer

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Hope my poor eyesight didn’t screw up the feedback. Let me know of any confusion. *Cool*


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Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Simple Dykie

This article "Invalid Item"  has some elements of unintended humor that seemed to border on surreal fabrication, for a non-fictional monologue. It keenly ignores its own details while it enlightened this reader about how unnecessarily hard we work at love…or a marriage in this case.

The author’s foray shows the lack of knowledge we men have about women. I think we can understand how much harder it is physically for the frailer species with the added curse of menstruation to menopause. Not easy subjects to broach but lend to misunderstandings because they don’t talk about. Me, as neurodivergent, never understood it was something they didn’t like to have acknowledged in any form of kindness from a guy. Obviously, men and women run in different social circles creating a rift and bias toward the other, where that attraction can apply from puppy love to lust exists. We physically get familiar, tie the knot, do what’s the norm, raise a family, toil to keep a home and necessities. Really, everything conforming can work against a happy relationship that we must bear down and grind through.

The whole silly premise of your central story is built on an undersized water heater. I can only imagine how long it takes to read 15 chapters of War & Peace, but a bath that long would shrivel the woman. And if she kept refilling the bath knowing you’d eventually need one, she’d have to be daft or the self-indulgent Queen. She doesn’t come off looking too good (another unintended comedy). Let him eat…a bar of soap? That’s why this reads like a farce. It’s a nice depiction of what the main character does for love. Simply, turn off the heater after the tub is filled. Turn back on before your shower. I know, devious. You can still be the good guy, if not caught. Though, entire premise is what pleases the story teller. More later. But seriously, get a 40-50 gallon water heater and make it’s not set so high that it has to keep generating hot water, as bathing seems important to story and over-indulged. Perhaps, a hot foot bath. I thought you might massage her feet when I got to that. But, Calgone take me away!

Anyway, there are many takeaways about sacrifice. It’s noble but unnecessary to not report good deeds. Just say what you did in passing. She’s being treated like a princess, little girl. Communication and shared knowledge is key, or the hot water fairy will pay many more visits. A man shouldn’t have to seem like a people pleaser. A woman who uses him as a doormat might respond to a man who is a bit aloof, withholding, in the sense that he doesn’t go out of his way all the time. Simply prioritize what’s important to you and give what’s equal to what you receive. I think a Beatle had a notion about that.

Love is something you work at, if you have mutual commitment. This advice from father is old school. Divorce is so high, it makes the institution of marriage (usually linked to religion) a social convention that needs a retool. The advice to tell her you love her every day is good. Showing her from time to time would trump that. Not talking sky-written messages, that’s romcom and a parody of love. We know our women, the little things matter. There’s a song “More Than Words” you might be familiar with.

This article is a good reminder why we commit to another to share our living expenses. It reminds we are poor in wealth but can be rich in love. I think the narrator enjoys this bit of sacrifice but may come to resent the woman in the long run when the children have grown, everyone loves mom, and dad is the odd one left out of the loop, because that was a choice called sacrifice without benefits. Well, some, if you don’t grow to despise her…reason is coming.

Article treats offspring as a throwaway. They factor. Family love emboldens the relationship with a significant other. My advice…make good lasting memories to recall lifelong. You have a lot of self-serving secrets, according to this. Hey, it’s not bad to sacrifice. There comes a time when we tire of treating someone like a pet and they don’t know how to respond when you meet crisis, worsening life fate to live alone with someone. What should a committed love be? Maybe, Think the Notebook without the missing years. But, without the missing years, The Notebook is an average story. And, that’s all we need to strive for.

A pleasure to read and consider your monologue for feedback.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

Thank you for entering your poem in the contest, "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)" 

You have been so kind and considerate of my poetry over the years. I feel remiss that I have not shown you more appreciation for how you have continue to inspire me as a writer to contribute my words in this community. I hope you know that I really, really appreciate you as a member and I’m thankful all the days I see Prosperous sSow in my inbox — no idea what a thrill and delight to consistently see and lifts my heart. Here is but a humble and simple review that now here near matches the great feedback that has assisted me over our life together here at Writing.Com.

I enjoyed {item:I too was inspired long ago by that image. Thanks for the link. It felt like I could see the earth on television during the moon landing, but that must have been 69. Guessing that photo came from orbiting our planet.

Great takeaways in your poem, {item:2295534} and your nostalgic reverie. It's also introspective and especially calls oneself/humanity into question. Looking upon the Earth from space alone might make someone feel small, disconnected, lonely, but to wonder if your world view was poorly constructed, it's true but not on you.

I talk to people from other countries who have a world view. It feels here in the US we were all about us, national pride, being a leader in the free world. Places in Africa, Asia, Europe and beyond where just points on a map or a globe spun in the classroom, trying to guess places.

Very insightful and worthy read that gives me pause and reminds me that I too need to work on my 'world view'.

It's a pleasure to have your poem in the contest to read and lend feedback.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!

If you see errors here, you might suspect why. As you probably know, by now, I am legally blind, don’t let it inhibit participation, offering a poem, feedback, newsfeed posts and in other activities, to broaden and enlighten community, if I can. It is in these years of my life that I am seeking fulfillment, hopeful for connections with the outside world, without the fear of rejection and indifference I allow from time to time to shut me down.


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Review of Technology  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Itchybarn , *BalloonB* *ConfettiR*

Came to pay my respects on your 5th account anniversary when I stumbled across this poem, "Technology" . Careful where you lay things out. *Laugh* Never get tired of hearing, “clean up this room, Brian,’ and not from my mother. *Shock* aaanny-wayyy…

I’m into this. AI is coming in all shapes and forms and this poem teases the palette with knowledge and a message I’ve been preaching.

We’ve seen dystopian books and films portray doomsday for humans. Your poem hints, but points out we don’t need to be lazy, but get with it, make a difference. Also, accept and not fear/reject its implementation in our lives.

One article I’ve read that confirms this: from the field of medicine. Man cannot pour through 500,000 newly published medical studies a year to help a patient with undiagnosable symptoms. By cataloguing all the data with AI, it can pour through information so fast, new cures and remedies will immediately be at our fingertips, so we can live longer, better lives. Knowledge drop!

Hey, if you write research papers for school, that be some knowledge that’ll get an A, for sure. But enough of that. Let’s talk about you as poet/writer. And, I like what I see. Not blowing no smoke.

You have a consistent, traditional rhyming effort here that syncs well with topic, not losing message. That’s key with any good poem. You entertain and inform with ease. It shows you have skill, may have gotten tutored in poetry and making something of it. Now for some suggestions. I hope this will be good, it makes the mind push itself much like computers that learn and relearn until masters…oops! *Laugh*

Meter: it doesn’t have to be the duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh…of the bard’s iambic. That can be silly, but worth trying for light-hearted poetry…or love. *Shock*. What you can do is edit length of lines so syllables either count equal, or words flow seamlessly because the phrases are smooth, allowing a reader to glide over them. Your poem is straightforward, relies little on poetic devices. By sounding words out aloud, you might catch a lyrical nature, much like song. Something that pairs well with rhyming and timing is assonance and alliteration. Sometimes words roll off the tongue because of this, might inspire the start of a write; the more you groove with it, find new words, possibilities are endless. I rely on rhyming and thesaurus searches to build vocabulary.

Song inspires me. Some old poets like Walt Whitman had an old school way with it. Whatever music you like now, not necessarily rap or metal, can offer to the melodious ear. Listenening to some of the famous Shakespeare lines, like a Romeo and Juliet play, can fine tune a poet’s ear for traditional. Steering away from that…

Modern poetry is using visual as much as the spoken. All kinds of way to punctuate, stagger a poem, slam like. But truncated for a subject like this works well. Though, I don’t do poetry readings because my style doesn’t always fit the auditory. It needs to be seen. Tech is a great subject for doing something avant-garde as the elite poets say. I just call it being different, unique, finding one’s voice…as I’ve done on your elder’s website for 17 awesome years. Not a Yoda or Obi Won, but your poem vehicles can strive to be the best by avoiding rhyme and tease with poetic devices that intone subject. Common symbols used in writing code could weave through a technology poem, if you pick another theme, play with it. If you like writing witty poems that tease a mind to think…double meaning.

All fun things to consider when I read your poem and see your interest in subject. I’ve been told reading good poetry is important and maybe a genre like this exist to broaden your scope of what you can do with this type of writing.

Ideas for future tech poems could include: I think monotone language with computers, AI overlords can be poem narrators, addressing humans in any unfeeling way. Language can be pointed, logical, short and wastes no words, like a good poet should. For this, see William Carlos Williams’ ‘The Red Wheelbarrow. Warning, he’s the father of free verse, and he would tell you poets of his day were too effusive (wrote flowery language).

Well, blah, blah, blah. Look at me go on. You inspired me. Keep writing. What you transcribe and create helps connect mind with conceptualization. Hope this helped.

Brian

Super Power Reviewer
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I tried to keep,out the nasty typos with this tappy, crazy auto-correcting iPad. I’d turn it off, but that could be worse, as I’m legally blind. My lone disclaimer today.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen

I really, really enjoyed this contest last year and had great hopes for it. I’m so indebted to it for having been inspired to craft some unique poems. It gave me pause to wonder about my approach to constructed words.

What I especially appreciate is the easy to consume theme with prompts that created fuel for this writer’s fire. It’s fun and uncluttered with the additional awards adding to community merit. I got to see what approaches other writers took. I gained a lot.

I wish more people were passionate about operating their contests and doing to give members something fun and challenging. Further, enjoying new found relationships with folks we don’t normally commute with in this community. I’ll be full in still, but results hit a wall in September.

The contest is still breathing. I still check in from time to time. I’ve lost the incentive to continue, though. There are so many things that divide my attention. A phenomenon happened even with Schnujo’s contest late last year and starting with Sharmelle’s project earlier in the year, no results were offered anymore. Choconut all but gave up on her endeavors but one or two contests. I miss her other activities. I’ve had to steer away from more. Fruitless, not enough time to devote. Been tinkering around with my own activities here, too.

I put the time and effort where it pleases me most and that is posting in my blog or newsfeed and doing activities that are rewarding. If there wasn’t a three digit number behind my name, I wouldn’t be thinking about community recognition when I write. But since it’s drying up, I prioritize and save most of my writing time for me, and created my own contest "RedWheelbarrow SpringChickens 🐓"  connected to a group "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  that awards participants with my own group badge. If I get enough interest, I’ll create a ribbon.

I think it’s the love of unique contests that inspire me, sad when they seem at the wayside, or take too much time and effort. Or, hack! Too many rules to stump or disqualify…and unnecessarily. If I could have reopened and fully operable, it would be two poetry contests like this one and Choco’s Taboo Words. These are contests that force writers to create more imaginatively, constructive, out of comfort zones and ge daring. Like learning something new.

I wish you continued success and fully want to shout out a great contest that I’d like to see thrive, fully rewarding for owner and its poet occupants.

Cheers!

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of Unfinished  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My review of
Unfinished
By Ann Pond

I noticed this poem starts out in a free verse style. That’s not unlike an attempt by William Carlos Williams, to put emphasis on a word by breaking it between two lines as he did with wheel barrow, here you have broken apart cliff hanger. Your poem goes into a form of listing, ‘hanger, hangman, hanger on”, which begins a flow that is giving a lyrical field as you dance back-and-forth with words using some alliteration in a very poetically dance, first verse construction.

This one ends with a cliff
hanger, hangman, hang on
to your guts; get a grip
don’t slip on your expectations

execution by hanging scene, interesting narrative approach, becomes a game of preparing the mind for death and to accept rather than 'slip' on expectations. A word I would suspect important to growing theme.

False floor, word traveling
Cut short, unraveling

False floor understood. Word traveling, I can suspect that it's about news of the execution, but cut short, needs more information…and intrigued by 'unraveling', because control that is suggested in stanza one might be slipping in the unraveling here.

Meet me where the ground
bends, make friends with thin air
How dare you rest in peace
Wrapped in sheets of certainty

Here I have a definite feeling of criticizing someone resting on their laurels, not I open to constructive thought, new information. It’s like a risk they take, a public execution, if they don’t heed poem of warning.

Dead air, breath holding
Two pair, cards folding

Now they're playing your favorite
hue, out-of-the blues
Thirteen past lives, pending
Seems we've lost the ending

These lines give me pause to consider. I think of poker, placing bets. But, it’s more about how often they’ve double down, deeper in debt. If this were playing with debt, a gambler with a big problem. But, not making much more out of it.

Missing, credits wanted
Wishing, surely haunted

Tale is out of order; chords all
unresolved and diminished
Your silence is my business
This poem will remain

Well, they’re at the end it just reminds me of writers, who don’t heed advice on how to improve. It shows that the efforts are limited, lacking in the opinion of the voice.

Lyrical, rhythmic without heavy rhyming and use of assonance makes the words and thoughts sway, almost bittersweet, as if holding onto that moment, make it life affirming, a moment.

I love experimental. We should all try to carry poetry forward with new visions, ideas that can capture others, keeping this form of poetic literature from dying off.

Tying theme and metaphors with these images can help the outsider peer into the mind of the narrative, think about that voice, grasp a feeling from images portrayed, lock in on a turn of a phrase/use of integral words, something implied that a reader interprets, might be able to infer, hopefully correct.

We look early for that topic/theme to set this up, the setting is important to open, and clear, an execution. Reading further, I attempt to see if this straightforward if the poet takes liberties and license with metaphor, expression or go beyond to the allegoric. Any or all can be employed together.

Ultimately, we have an emotional speaker, narrating moments of reality and the internalization of the condition, situation. It's an attempt to grab a listener, as a good poem should do. It should get us to feel something, and it does. I think whether it is a good spirit going to death, or a person who feels trapped in life just the same, it resonates. It makes me connect and want to understand the motivations behind the shared feelings. As a reader, I clue hunt. And as a reviewer, I cannot just read once or twice. I analyze text and word usage after the initial read through. After picking up what I can, I read through again, hopefully with deeper understanding. Then comes the reviewing. I break down each stanza, section of a piece and type down my comments or reactions at this point. When I get through all of that, I consider the poem, my notes and start to write a review that feels cohesive, comprehensive. I take some time away, return and look at the poem with fresh eyes. I look at what I've written. I edit my review and hope that I can give the best take aways, suggestions and praise I can impart.

EMPLOY?

The structure is important, but I always allow for poetic license, meaning that sometimes the message is more important than the structure. But a poem is inhibited if structure is too far off base …but not here.

Word choice is important. Some poems used a word that seem out of place. This poem is fluid abd cohesive with the right words in nuance, if not in actual definition. Sometimes the right word in the right place is a zinger, really powerful.

Imagery. Some poems capture an image so effectively – you can see the image. Some poems miss in that the image or message is lost in vague and ambiguous wording and imagery. They seem to try too hard to be flowery or emotional and the message is unclear. Clarity is essential. That indeed was the case here. No words minced.

Emotion. Poetry, in any form, has to capture an emotion and transfer that feeling to the reader. Some poetic emotion is in the category of sadness – loss, loneliness, abandonment, insult, being ostracized. Happiness – love, acceptance, success, accomplishment. The thing about this, more so than other forms of poetry, is that the form can capture a wide range of emotions. You’ve done well to capture this reader.

It was a benefit to read and lend feedback in my growth as writer abd reviewer,

Thank You

Brian
Super Power reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!

I’m a legally blind writer with limited resources doing the best I can. Hope this was helpful.


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Review of Buttercup  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Green Valley

I’ve been intrigued by this poetry form for some time. Like to dabble a bit in it. With "Buttercup" , I’m trying to wrap my head around that final line in relation to the vision of a dewy buttercup.

The structure is important, but I always allow for poetic license, meaning that sometimes the message is more important than the structure. But a poem can be eliminated if the structure is too far off base ... I really like what’s revealed.

Word choice is important. Some poems use a word that seem beyond the scope of the writer and was not quite the right word in nuance, if not in actual definition. Sometimes the right word in the right place is a zinger, really powerful. You have visual, melodious chemistry at work in scene, narrative connecting with nature.

Imagery. Some poems capture an image so effectively – you can see the image. Some poems miss in that the image or message is lost in vague and ambiguous wording and imagery. They seem to try too hard to be flowery or emotional and the message is unclear. Clarity is essential. I visualize with emotion that first word, ‘sunlight’ as the buttercup. Original and strikes the soul with emotion, love of self, nature, as one.

Emotion. Poetry, in any form, has to capture an emotion and transfer that feeling to the reader. Some poetic emotion is in the category of sadness – loss, loneliness, abandonment, insult, being ostracized. Happiness – love, acceptance, success, accomplishment. The thing about this, more so than other forms of poetry, is that the form can capture a wide range of emotions. You find a little object that can command heart and soul. ‘Tiny, golden cup of dew’. I can imagine a fresh, wet scene, early, misty, cool, serene, quiet, alone to have a lightening bolt of discovery strike the last inquisitive thought in summation…

Beauty or a beast? surely, not the little buttercup. It’s a lightening rod in one’s hand, perhaps connecting to emotion not displayed in this narrator. Do we question love, simplicity as deceitful or complex? Do we wind up in love, happily ever after? It’s a hard one to swallow. The poet knows full well. I couldn’t translate.

It was a pleasure to read and lend feedback on your eloquent short poem.


Kindest regards,

Brian C.
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Duisclaimer: I’m legally blind and tapped and talked to my iPad to fill review. Hope it makes sense.


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Review of A love haiku  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Shinzo:

It is my pleasure to have come across this offering of poem. I am always starving for new information for my eyes so my soul can perceive it through other’s word depictions. "A love haiku"  caught my eye because of the title. Also, an interesting description line, as I am always interested in getting inside the minds and hearts of poets.

The words are direct, and make a statement while using some of the more questionnaire forms of depiction, such as “the flame of new love“ and “burn spritely“, as common greeting card language sold to sentimental readers, who want to show affection for another. The narrative of this poem is not directed at anyone in particular, but the audience. It serves as a parable with no demonstrable action of experience that provokes these words.

It closer look at the haiku Gives me pause. It begs me to ask. How would you take this, paraphrase this, use active verbs and imagery in the language that is fresh and appeals to readers. I could go line by line because it is short. Let’s see what is under the hood of this Vehicle.


The flame of new love,

Right here begins an honest poem that goes right to the point and does it means words. However, the Haikus is a short form that needs to draw something from life, as with nature. And romance is closely tied to nature. Flame suggests nature and is used as a comparative. It might suggest a flame in one’s soul or heart.

burns brightly in the dark night,

Here we take the first line and demonstrate what the flame of new love does in a dark night. However, this is common evidence, and does not speak to a singular situation, to an individual, or shine the light, if you will on a new way for our eyes to feed on this feeling use captured in phrase.

flickers but doesn't go out.

A haiku’s ending serves as a summation of the first two sentences to add moral to the story? This is an opportunity to intone message. And that would be? The feelings presented in the first two lines need summation. And I think a reader would question why it “flickers” or why it doesn’t go out, this flame, the birds brightly in the dark night.

Taking it all in, and putting it together, the dark night suggests a life that needs rescuing…from loneliness, lack of true companionship. The flame of new love is like inspiration, as love gives hope. And if this one is young enough, and pardon, naïve enough, they seek their happy ending. This poem does not punctuate ending, but leaves us hanging to wonder what next. this should be a short depiction of life with conclusion.

I would suggest a re-draft, but it’s not really necessary. This poem paves away for the writer to keep considering and growing and boiling this information down to it essentials like gold nuggets of information that readers come to see and experience. Many more will be written, if so inspired. I always use a thesaurus in this situation, sometimes go to origins of words, especially the ones that are central to theme. that way, I can avoid the cliché and find something deeper, and richer on the inside to build around, theme.

There is more to the writer, than there is to this poem. that way, I can avoid the cliché and find something deeper, and richer on the inside. There is more to the writer than there is to this poem. Thank you for sharing this haiku with us in the writing.com community. It was a pleasure to consider inland feedback.

Brian

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Review of What We Fight For  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Dear Jeremy | 21 Years On WDC ,

I found "What We Fight For"  to be an intelligent, insightful and/or well researched short story that hits on themes of current events, war and the psychological struggle of soldiers who wrestle with morals over obligation to serve and protect.

What I find is a vignette, a scene, where we are quickly introduced to two characters with circumstances and motivations that pit them against one another, when in another life, they could be like brothers. A heavy realization. This is the important message of your story.

It reminds me of the World War 1 Christmas truce when British and German soldiers had friendly interactions to play soccer, exchange gifts, and sing carols before fighting resumed. It seems so human to think we can have feelings for our enemies and that is hard to put aside in the field, because it could get oneself killed.

Let me self-correct for a moment and acknowledge this is a Chapter One piece for the prompt driven contest. I think it was well used and placed here. Now, getting back to my reaction, considering this Chapter first and then projecting notions of where I feel this story could go, as any reader might start imagining when they invest time to read fiction.

I love a good stand off. The dialogue was great and the motivations were clearly stated. Loved the depictions and how well described this location is offered. You could do even more over time to add some suspense to this. Get a real feel for Olek being pinned down, his internal concerns for rescue from this sniper. What's great is how his enemy delivers strong, punchy dialogue that psychologically attempts to get the upper hand on his adversary. I know quite about the psychological interplay among men when they have no cards and manage to bluff a lesser player. This exceptionally interesting and something that would the groundwork/basis for the novel.

You have characters developing between the three Ukrainians. What I missed was an introduction to Petro in that chapter. What might also build these characters is little idiosyncracies, habits, how they present themselves going forward to give the reader a sense of their personality types. I see Olek as someone about to go through a moral battle of protecting his country from Russians. He has a heart and he is the passive hero at this point who might shy away from conflict until he's under pressure cooker circumstances. Maybe, picking up psychological knowledge will make him a better man than his comrades.

Vitaliy or Vitally (one spelled different?) is the good buddy, sidekick, who has less remorse. He will be an interesting person to develop, as he is Olek's confidant during the processm, the one who can hide any secrets of his uncertanties while developing as a man. Petro, who needs more definition, just strolled into that scene and took over. Needed to get a feel of their entrances, but especially Petro's motivations. Clear to this point, but he has the potential to be sociopathic or psychopathetic. People like him are not far from those who could have loved war so much, they enjoyed killing civilians or ethnic cleansing. You wouldn't have to got that far with him. I think he should be just psycho enough that they wonder why they follow him before understanding why he so vigorously fights for his country. Great opportunity for more scenes between these characters and more what they fight for.

I don't know conditions with the war now, but it is certainly not good when a lot of buildings, good resouces and families are destroyed. You can take this anywhere. You could have other chapters focus on other characters who are trying through other venues to either survive or combat the war on homefronts, outside the country from supplying arms to financial support and other gifts of love.

Oh, Pizda was great. Need more of that type of flavor to capture this, otherwise feeling like an American soldier because of English language. But, not bad because for English readers, easier for us to relate.

Thoroughly impressed and find this has great possibilities. I could nitpick a little about tiny passages in the text. But, this speaks to the author's style. I don't think anyone would question what you attempt to convey here. Good work!

Brian
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I apologize for any gaffes in my review, working with limited eyesight and a clunky computer. Not a good combo. Hope the feedback helps.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear LegendaryMask❤️

I’m happy to have had your participation in "RedWheelbarrow SpringChickens 🐓" , with "A Penguins Love Forever More" . This is so awesome, endearingly sweet!

I'm drawn to the narration, from the POV of the recipient of the object of Penguin affection. Especially enjoyed the moment the male stops and she notes the visual/emotional connection the two have. This was especially sweet. Here is the unveiled hope that drives emotions of a reader to root and wonder outcome, and to see his motivation, the search for her perfect approval.

Visually depicted well. There is such a wonderful story in this effort. Your words are warm and comfortable and carefully chosen to portray such endearing sweetness.

I'm so pleased to have your offering in the contest. I loved it's penguin pluckiness! The embodiment of what I hoped would be achieved with entries like yours. All very strong poetic offerings in activity. Thank you again,


Brian
Super Power Reviewer
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
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low vision causes me to struggle with reviewing. hope you'll accept my apologies.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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247
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear ♫~ Kenword~♫ :

Thank you so much for your entry, "Courtship of Pretty Pearl" . Great visual story using devices that grabbed this reader's attention.

Alliteration is strong as young manage well with theme, right down to line and word count. Heavenly alliteration weaved through the personification of the penguin characters waddling to life in your poem. It perfectly packed a punch!

This was a very worthy entry that caught my eye like the pebble. There is so much at work here that is impressive, especially with polish. Was excited to have your interest and entry in the contest, making for a successful activity last month.

Enjoyed your flair for words and interpretation of theme/prompts given. Shows great talent. Keep writing and sharing,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
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my low vision makes writing reviews tedious and I apologize, as it's become part of my recent frustrations. hope you'll understand. can't even properly line up my fingers on this keyboard, at times. grrr. *Laugh*


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Review of Love and Ice  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Dear Words Whirling 'Round

"Love and Ice"  impressed me as a very strong offering with concrete, terse words to punctuate theme for this past month's contest. So appreciative of your participation and interest in group that has helped make activities like this so rewarding.

I like truncated, to the point poetry that exactly tells the story. I enjoyed envisioning how your poem doesn't try to say too much while projecting its emotions through structured imagery and phonetic device.

There's a sing-songy, echoe-y nature to that first verse that I reread and fully immerse in visual and tonal totality. Strong start that engaged this reader. Love the punchy sound of those words and how you've cleverly employed prompts and theme suggested for contest. This was impressive and a treat to consider.

It doesn't get overly ebullient, or use too many words that could weigh down meaningful words. It is direct in what it attempts to say, and what is meant.
I really appreciate having this contribution in contest.


Brian
Super Power Reviewer
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
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249
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a breath of fresh air! "The angel inside..."  makes me think of my own mother and how she dealt with me, but was in denial about my disability from ADHD.

Your poem was whimsical as well as insightful. It makes me think of the saying a child only a mother can love, but that is not what is true here. It's mom who understands, has patience for a child with so much energy at times, it overwhelms him. Others might see him as a devil. That can't truly know what he wrestles with.

There is a good meter with some rhyme at work that makes this rough poem flow. It could use a little editing for grammar, punctuation, but not much else. The hiccups don't really affect the poem all that much. It's worthy of more than just framing on the fridge, you know. This is a topic, a message with a very familiar theme that we tend to overlook. hyperactivity can be made fun of, without understanding the condition, how to work with it, not judge. this poem helps gives a little insight and support for patience.

It was a nice use of a devil/angel comparison within the child. Even the way it's framed, we know 'little' to be this devil and not any danger. Mother and her narrative her show the situation is well in hand. I appreciate this voice admitting that at times its hard to understand, as I think it is for the afflicted. Even medical professionals can't fully pin down how to fully handle and address something that just one pill won't dispel.

One striking verse, and surprising near the end when most poems start to run out of gas, you offer the most visual, insightful and hilarious depiction of the situation:

Bouncing off the walls
Getting into trouble
Man, those are the days
I’m glad he’s not a double.

This is truly a gem in and of itself. I like to see a writer take a subject and build steam as they go. Some poems start off with an inspiration but pitter out because the inexperienced don't know where to take it, don't fully have topic, theme in hand, maybe, just winging it. Here, you are a person who comes equipped with knowledge, life experiences and it shows on the page. You handle the subject deftly and with grace that doesn't come off as cliche or trite or boring. It entertains.

This was a pleasure to read and consider for feedback, as I am a sufferer of ADHD who wants to read and learn about other people's takes or experiences to get a better handle on my own situation. Thank you for sharing with the commmunity.

Brian
Super Power Reviewers Group
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for entry "White Noise" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dear Words Whirling 'Round

Once again, Thank you so much for supporting "RedWheelbarrow SpringChickens 🐓"  with your entry. I really do appreciative of having you offer another great entry for consideration. I hope my review will do justice to your poem with the best insight I desire to provide. It's a privilege to have this chance for give and take in this way.

What I marvel at:
This ability to pour so much energy into so few expressive words is a pleasure to see.

What I could suggest:

I look at the dismount with the final couplets and know what you mean, what you express. I can see this in another light that might express even better. There might be a struggle to understand what is being read. In this community, we know you present a portfolio with that briefcase. Within the context and confines of this poem, perhaps it's the contents and not the briefcase like a poetic tombstone yearning to be read.

I get the few words on a tombstone can say a lot about the person buried beneath. Whether it is under that monument or inside the attaché, we have something yearning. The spirit that soars beyond, I can argue, hovers about this burial place. 'Static' can be a very strong adjective, however a reader wants to apply their own meaning. It could be noise coming from the briefcase, perhaps a signal to others to look on, look in.

In the physical landscape of these images, we could dig up the briefcase, but it is symbolism you are going for here and not the actual. Though, a reader must puzzle together these images to find a satisfying finish to your effort. Might I suggest adding/offering words here what is within. The disembodied are not contained. What's left behind that could tantalize a viewer of this briefcase/portfolio to look inside? I could offer suggestions here, but truly the poet would know, could see a part of the self that would be expressed best here. For me, it's what is written on that tombstone. Can it be summed up in a few words to keep the trunc(k)ation going? Word play.

What I missed seeing:

enjambment

You Wrote:

White Noise

my spirit soars
beyond

the static white
briefcase

poetic
tombstone

yearning
to be read

I am so pleased that you entered and offered two stellar entries for this contest. I feel as though I have overlooked you on this website. There are so many cases and colors and names I recognize and forget from moment to moment that I forget sometimes who i've had an email chain going with or whatever. Perhaps, we'll be able to rub elbows more around here. I'm trying not to be so self-obsessed with my own craft to fail acknowledging the output of others. It really does help me to take time and read and lend feedback like this to improve as a writer. I guess, life gets in the way?

Thanks so much for being part of the WDC 22nd Anniversary Birthday Bash and "RedWheelbarrow SpringChickens 🐓" . I'm most grateful.

Thanks again,

Brian
Super Power Reviewers Group
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann


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