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Review Style
True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
I'm good at...
Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, epiphany, emotional, drama, human interest, science, conspiracy, dystopian, fatalistic, speculative. Not cookie cutter fantasy realms or choose your adventure. Action/adventure. Unique, surprise.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, fan fiction, some fantasy and sci-fi, or anything Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones-ish.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
I will not review...
I’m happy receive an email to discuss first. I set this to receive 9k. WDC gets the rest. No page here I know of to collectively or categorically see, compare reviewers for hire. That might be a worthy tool.
Public Reviews
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Review of Izabella (Haiku)  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear MIKEL ,

I had the pleasure of reading your poem, " Izabella (Haiku)"  which appears to capture the birth of your granddaughter. This heartfelt expression of joy and admiration is touching. I'll offer this review with my provided my thoughts of the poem and some suggestions for improvement at the end.

The form of your poem is concise and focused, employing a double haiku structure with two brief verses. This brevity enhances the impact of the moment you're conveying. Each stanza provides a snapshot of your granddaughter's appearance, creating a vivid mental image for the reader.

The theme of celebrating the birth of a granddaughter is beautiful and heartwarming. It's a moment of pure joy and admiration, and you've captured it succinctly in your poem. The use of descriptive language like "pouty, hard-pressed lips" and "thin strands of hair" allowed this reader to share in your wonder and awe at this new life.

The choice of the name "Izabella" adds a personal touch to the poem and gives it a sense of intimacy. It feels like you're speaking directly to your granddaughter, celebrating her unique features and beauty. What's beautiful about it is that it will be a keepsake to treasure and share when she's old enough to read and appreciate its quality from a doting grandfather.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider expanding on the emotional depth of the poem. You could delve into the emotions and thoughts that this moment evokes for you as a grandparent. What does this birth mean to you, and how has it impacted your life? Adding a stanza that reflects on the significance of this event from a personal perspective could add depth and relatability.

Another suggestion is to experiment with the imagery and metaphor. While your descriptions are vivid, you might consider using metaphors or similes to compare your granddaughter's features to something else, which can create layers of meaning and enhance the poem's richness. For example, you could compare her eyes to "closed petals" or her nose to "a delicate seashell." These are just my words. What you have offered are your response during a wondrous time. If you should revisit or craft other poetry, these are elements to consider when drafting something new.

Lastly, consider the title of the poem. "Izabella" is a suitable title, but you might explore options that provide a glimpse into the poem's theme or emotional core. A well-chosen title can draw readers in and set the tone for the piece. Something I like to do is two title a poem. One really serves as a description line, a subtitle or just a brief introduction that seems like part of the poem. There are so many thoughts and experiences when we write, that new and emerging title/thoughts seem to want to tack themselves on. Blame it on the muses. But, I find it all good if it fits and lends to the write. Obviously, these are just suggestions. I couldn't point you directly to anything I can think of other than a blog poem called "Potatoes" that I recently had published in a state calender offered by the Wisconsin Fellowship of Poets (plug). Or, was it "Aim, Misfired"? It won first in the Shadows and Light Poetry contest last month. Can't recall. Oh, well.

Your poem is a tender and celebratory offering that captures a beautiful moment in the birth of a granddaughter. By exploring the emotions more deeply, experimenting with metaphor, and considering the title, you can further enhance the poem's impact. Congratulations on both births!

My best to you,

Brian
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Review of Profound  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear pamela

I had the privilege of encountering your poem " Profound"  today, and appreciate its evocative imagery and exploration of profound experiences. Here are my thoughts on the poem, along with some suggestions for improvement.

Your poem's style is concise and to the point, using short lines to convey a sense of urgency and intensity. The repetition of words like "piercing," "profound," and "life" adds emphasis and rhythm to the verses, effectively drawing the reader's attention.

The theme of seeking deeper understanding and enlightenment is clear and relatable. I experience this as a purpose of writing, whenever these words flow from my fingers. I can feel or sense the writer’s process in this way.

One suggestion for improvement is to expand on the imagery and metaphors used in the poem. You can go deeper with describing the shadows, waves, fog, and mist to create a more connected experience for the reader. For example, consider adding sensory details that evoke the sensation of these elements. How do the shadows feel? What is the sound of the crashing waves? How does the mist taste or smell? By engaging more of the reader's senses, you can intensify the emotional impact of the poem.

Another suggestion is to provide more context or narrative to clarify the speaker's journey toward profound understanding. Why are they seeking answers, and what motivates them to want to "know all the answers" and "become mist"? Providing a glimpse into the speaker's personal experiences or struggles can help readers connect with the poem on a deeper level.

And, consider experimenting with the structure of your poem. While the short, fragmented lines work well for conveying urgency, you might also explore variations in line length or stanza structure to add visual interest and enhance the flow of the poem. Sometimes, it’s just reading it aloud that helps formulate that structure. You could use longer lines to slow down the pace and offer moments of reflection within the poem.

I find "Profound" has potential, by showcasing a desire for deeper understanding and insight. Expanding on imagery, giving some added context, and experimenting with this structure can enhance impact for your followers and create something they fully relate with and respond to.

My best to you,

Brian
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Review of Circle  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Anni Pon

I was struck by the simplicity and depth of your shaped poem, "Circle" . It's concise, yet it encapsulates a profound theme - the cyclical nature of life. The visual representation of the circular shape reinforces this idea brilliantly.

Your choice of the repeated phrases "Life is a circle" and "There is no beginning / There is no ending" effectively emphasizes the eternal and unbroken nature of life's cycle. This repetition creates a rhythmic quality that mirrors the circular motion you're describing. It's a powerful poetic device that enhances the theme of your poem.

The use of directional cues In, Out and Out, In guides the read through a journey, reinforcing this idea of cycles. It's akin to a mantra, drawing the reader into the meditation on life's continuous flow.

To be so bold to suggest things for improvement, you might consider getting deeper into the emotional aspect of this cycle. Explore the feelings and experiences associated with reaching the top, where one must "breathe in while the air is thin," and reaching the bottom, where "the air gets too heavy." These moments in life carry significant emotional weight, and delving into them could add depth to the poem.

Another suggestion is to experiment with the visual presentation of the poem. Shaped poems offer a unique canvas for artistic expression. You could play with the font size, spacing, or even the arrangement of words to further emphasize the circular shape and enhance the visual impact. For example, you might consider varying the font size or indentation to visually represent the ascent and descent in the circle. This would not only add an extra layer of symbolism but also engage the reader's eyes more dynamically.

I found your poem to be thought-provoking and effectively conveyed the cyclical nature of life. Its simplicity and repetition were strengths, as I see, but getting into the emotions and experimenting with visual presentation could elevate this beautiful poem further.

Sincerely,

Brian
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-font:times}Dear Anni Pon


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Review of Steady Rhythm  
for entry "Peppermint Kisses" 
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear PiriPica

"Peppermint Kisses"

I discovered this poem on your blog today and was drawn in by the evocative title, from the prompt-themed contest. It's a delicate piece that beautifully captures a wintry scene infused with longing and nostalgia. The poem has its strengths, and areas where it could be refined for an even more impactful experience.

The style of "Peppermint Kisses"  is lyrical and vivid, effectively paints a picture of a cold, secretive rendezvous. The imagery of "Peppermint kisses hidden in the dark" immediately sets the tone, and the contrast between the crisp air and "secretive hearts" creates a palpable sense of mystery and desire.

Your theme of longing and separation is noticeably prevalent throughout the poem. It explores that idea of love in winter, where the weather mirrors emotional distance between these lovers. This theme is a powerful one and resonates with me on the level where I too have experienced the bittersweetness of love.

You’ve made effective use of sensory details, helping this reader connect in that wintry atmosphere. Phrases like "Only a breeze moves" and "Puff of air so still" provide a sense of quiet/hush, enhancing that connective detail to the scene. The contrast between the cold exterior and the warmth of the hearth adds depth to the imagery, as I’m familiar with this atmosphere.

Looking deeper, there are a few areas that could be improved to enhance the overall impact of the poem. One thought is to consider revising the line "Owls hoot like spies." While it adds an element of mystery, it could be made more vivid by describing the owl's hooting in a way that directly connects to the theme of secrecy and longing. You can persuade that hooter with this narrative perception using a similar word that more evocatively suggests its utterance/ presence (they also stare with that mobile neck). Just not ‘hoot’?

Secondly, the transition from the wintry scene to "chocolate and warmth" could be made smoother. Exploring the emotional journey of your characters as they move from the cold darkness to the cozy hearth could deepen the poem's emotional resonance. Just a bridge to transport?

Lastly, the poem concludes with "Polar opposites are the sources of joy," which is a thought-provoking line. It might benefit from further exploration or clarification to ensure readers fully grasp its significance. Perhaps, reconsider its meaning to the author and offer a way to express to the unknowing reader a way that they might fully interpret, feed this into the overall context of the poem’s meaning.

In conclusion, "Peppermint Kisses" is a heartfelt poem that skillfully captures the essence of a wintry romance. For me, nostalgically. With some refinements in imagery and thematic development, i see potential to create an even more immersive and emotionally resonant experience to connect with your fans. Keep up the excellent work. I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the future.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Girl by the Sea  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, Z. Tyler Westphal ,

This poem struck me in several ways that I just had to comment. And not like one of those form type reviews laying out different stuff to comment on and filling it with a sentence or two. Just a pure, right off the cuff reaction.

The brevity and clear images of your poem helped me do more than visualize your central character. I could feel empathy, or a sort of reverence for someone I do not know. It's the kind of person you come across and observe, not creepily, that is doing something that captures your attention. But, to do it in poem, and with such brevity is what I admire. I'd have to admire the poet equally for what I would assume be a crafted, fictional person.

But, artists have their muses, have their models. We have those moments in life with our camera when we snap images of something like this because we can frame it well, see it's contrast in that scene, that she jumps right out at you as big as life. What you have done is transcended writing into that area writers dream of being.

Let's look at the poem so I don't keep going on...

The girl by the sea knitting scarves
with her slipper shod toes
on her violin case.

There's a lot of work here. This is true showing. Hey, everybody who writes poetry on WDC, including me, this is what it's like to paint pictures with words!

Okay, by the sea had me, because it makes me think salty, shipping vessels. But add more detail in just that one line, 'knitting scarves'. Cold. Brrr. It's a northern area. I'm thinking of a village port where people go out on the water and need these scarves. I wonder who she's making them for...plural scarves! Is it a vocation; is it a love for these sailors?

And we haven't gotten to the second line yet!

"with her slipper shod toes"

Mmm, alliteration and so softly sounding. My mind goes off in a couple of directions. She's odd, maybe a little bit crazy. But a girl, so not likely a practical person. I have to assume it's cold, given the introduced elements. I know temperatures drop like 10 degrees by water, unless it's a southern port and you have humidity. But, I think it's not. Otherwise, she's crazy in love with making scarves in a hot environment. Knit scarves. That could mean wool, but definitely yarn.

So, now two lines in, I have to wonder why does she do this? She seems alone. She seems to have a favorite spot. She's a bit odd, but I'm creating an image of a girl with long, unkempt hair and knit hat on her head with some kind of bulky overcoat and those flimsy excuses for footwear. She's a marvel. I want to meet her. But, we haven't gotten to line three:

"on her violin case."

Damn, didn't see that coming. Okay, she's got skillz. Apparently we're bordering on genius, because unusual people like this just have natural gifts. Assumption. She's apparently a true artist, multi-talented, doesn't have a care, and just loves doing something theraputic, or spur of the moment. Knitting is something they give mental patients to do. It's like a discipline that keeps you calm, allows you mind to organize, rest, drift.

She has spare time between, what, concerts, lessons? She's young. A prodigy, maybe? Now I'm just throwing things out there because I really need to know her. She's so unique. That's part of the skill of a good write. There is interpetation which leads to argument which leads to drunken bar brawls. How'd Dylan Thomas get here.

Brianging myself back. There is a slack-jawed writer just staring a three typed lines. Three lines. Pops a cork. A haiku? Scratches head, does syllable count....Nope...more like a countdown...7-6-5.

I consider that as structure for a moment. She's introduced, line by line, each fading into the next until there's nothing...that's it! That's it? Yes, we got a vignette, a scene, and yet it's just a shot the cameraman pans to. It could be an establishing shot, or b-roll for a news piece. These little moments that run by-- we seldom actually witness.

She is stark and sticks out like a 'sore thumb,' lacking a better expression. or whatever, in this short poem. She's got the eye of the writer, who's like, 'come here, guys. Check this chick out.' But, it's not necessarily sexual, it's beauty. I find her beautiful and line four could say all her front teeth were missing and I wouldn't care. I might be in love with her.

This is the nature of good writing. You don't have to say a lot. You can do it in a few words. You've done it! You broke poetry. Hey, everyone! We can all go home. That doesn't sound how I intend it.

It's something to marvel, hang on the wall, worth sharing. I'd draw an illustration to go along with it, but it's already done. Paint doesn't even need to dry. In fact, she's transported us all there. Yes, what good writing does. Am I going to suggest something for improvement? Darn right I am. It's hanging just a little...askew...on the wall...there...let me just...

[C:red]line two:
you make a reference to 'her' when you've already used 'girl'. Wasted a word. Caught you. But that's cool. You can throw an adjective in there. Something sensory. Ocean covers a lot, but for a little depth add a color, (pink?) keep your syllable count and voila! (Maybe, silk, alliterate) Now let's see if it hangs straight.

I loved this. I loved commenting on this. I want everyone to go flock over to this poem and read it. Consider it. Consider the way you craft your words. Sometimes, a poem like this can take a lot of work, tinkering. I swear, it does not have to be. It can be as easy as this reads.

You have won my deepest appreciation for a fine poem that I went a little...no way over the top...commenting on. What's the character count up to now? 5,813? You used 18 syllables. Praises.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer, and much more
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Put that one on the mantel! Can we give out six stars? *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Your chapter, Hannah, holds several intriguing elements that captivate this reader's attention. The incorporation of Hannah's unexpected vacation and her unusual experiences in Greece generates curiosity, and the dream-like sequence at the end adds an air of mystery and suspense. Your writing style is descriptive, painting a vivid picture of the settings and characters, which is engaging.

The initial setup effectively establishes the main character, her predicament, and the peculiar circumstances she finds herself in. The story's pacing is generally good, with a gradual build-up of tension and intrigue. The introduction of elements like the ancient building, the strange concoction, and the mysterious books adds depth to the narrative and sparked curiosity about what's happening to Hannah.

Additionally, the use of descriptive language helps in creating a strong sense of place, making me feel involved to the point I might be in the story. The dialogue flows naturally, and the interactions between characters, particularly between Hannah and Brigette, are well-crafted.

I did take a closer look at some areas where the story could be improved:

*Clarity and Structure*
The narrative transitions between reality and dream sequences somewhat abruptly, which can be confusing for the reader. Clarify these shifts to ensure a smoother reading experience. Just build a few bridges.

*Character Development*
While Hannah's predicament is intriguing, there is room to get even deeper into her character. Provide more insight into her thoughts, emotions, and motivations, especially in response to the unusual events she encounters.

*Plot Arc and Conflict*
While there are mysterious elements introduced, it would be beneficial to establish a clear plot arc and central conflict early on to give the story a more defined direction. This will help your reader's engagement from an earlier point in the story, making them willing to invest time to further read. Some do check out, become impatient, I've found.

*Foreshadowing*
Foreshadowing can be a powerful tool to build anticipation and suspense. Consider dropping subtle hints about the mysterious events or the ancient building earlier in the narrative to pique interest. I like little hints, riddles, clues of things that make me think, 'why is that happening', 'why is that there?' And just like Chekov's notion about a gun introduced in the early act, it has to go off. Weave those elements into your story with plans toward outcomes.

*Seamless Transitions*
Pay attention to transitions between scenes and events to ensure they flow naturally and maintain a cohesive storyline. Hiccups that cause someone to go back to see if they missed something stop the ongoing show; everything you can do to keep it rolling helps a reader.

Overall, your chapter displays promise with its intriguing premise, well-described settings, and engaging character interactions. If you decide to enhance the overall effectiveness of the narrative, consider refining the structure among the rest of the suggestions, your story easily will captivate and intrigue the readers. Keep up the good work!


Brian
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Review of Boogie Knight  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC birthday, Alex!

I must say, "Boogie Knight" is a delightful and whimsical poem that showcases your talent for crafting lighthearted and humorous verse. Your use of humor and wordplay, especially in the not-so-dirty limerick style, adds a unique charm to the poem. It's evident that you have a keen sense of rhythm and rhyme, which is a hallmark of great poetry.

The theme of a dancing knight is both amusing and endearing. It brings to mind a character full of energy and charisma, someone who can make even the grumpiest of royals crack a smile. Your choice of the knight as the central character is brilliant, as it combines the chivalry of medieval times with the unexpected twist of dancing skills.

I appreciate the way you've structured the poem with consistent rhyme and meter. For example, lines like "He learned dance from his dad" and "There shan’t be a soul that disapproves" flow smoothly and maintain the lighthearted tone. The playful language and unexpected rhymes, such as "wookie" and "bookie," add an element of surprise that keeps the reader engaged.

The use of humor in the poem is spot on, and your wit shines through in lines like "A courier was sent, In the time of Lent," which shows your ability to cleverly play with words. The whimsical situation of the princess falling for the boogie knight and the subsequent airlift rescue is comical and keeps the narrative engaging.

Alex, you know you have a real talent for storytelling through poetry, and your ability to weave humor into your work is a valuable skill. I encourage you to continue writing and exploring different themes and styles. I should say it, rather than write it in a review. This is what I do. You have the potential to become a great writer, and Writing.Com is the perfect platform to nurture your talent.

As for spending time with dear ol' dad, writing together can be a great for us bonding over our shared experience. At least we got to do that poetry read together last year. It helped me. Collaborating on creative projects can be both fun and rewarding. Who knows, you might even come up with more hilarious poems like "Boogie Knight" together!

Before I sign off, here's a joke/riddlefor my 22-year-old video game voice actor/online addict who loves to share jokes and outrageous memes:

Why don't programmers like nature?

Because it has too many bugs!

Okay, so that's more like a dad joke. I can't come up with the stuff you do. Anyway, Keep up the great work, Alex!

Love,

Dad
Super Power Reviewer (stranded alone without you at WDC)
I'm literally going to go blind tonight if I do another review! Darn bifocals.
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I missed your birthday/anniversary here by one day, so belated, but I’m sure you won’t notice. 😔


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Review of UKRAINE  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Poet,

I discovered your poem "Ukraine" today and wanted to offer my reaction with some feedback. This acrostic poem carries a strong message of solidarity with Ukraine in the face of external aggression. The choice of an acrostic style is noteworthy as it allows you to convey your sentiments while forming a clear and meaningful message within the structure of the poem. All italicized. Wondered the meaning of that.

The theme of unity against tyranny is evident throughout the poem. You effectively convey the resilience of the Ukrainian people and their struggle for freedom in the face of aggressive force and injustice. The poem's emotional depth and the sense of outrage towards the aggressors make convincing and considerable thoughts.

However, I do try to offer any help with something I read, if it will help. Here are three suggestions I came up with that could further improve your poem:

1. Clarity and Punctuation: The poem could benefit from improved punctuation and formatting. Commas and line breaks can help guide the reader's understanding and create pauses for emphasis. For example, "Radical megalomaniac and his enablers," might read more clearly as "Radical megalomaniac, and his enablers," which provides a slight pause for emphasis.

2. Exploration of Emotions: While the poem effectively conveys a sense of outrage and support for Ukraine, delving deeper into the emotional impact of the situation could enhance the poem's resonance. Consider exploring the personal connection or empathy you feel for the Ukrainian people to create a more heartfelt expression. There are signature moments during the war that have been reported that could serve as examples for the poem.

3. Expand on the Call to Action: The poem ends with a call for peace but could benefit from a more specific call to action or a reflection on what individuals can do to support Ukraine. Adding concrete steps or suggestions could inspire readers to take meaningful action. Even if it’s straightforward logic that could inspire support for the country and its people.

I found your acrostic "Ukraine" to be more than a puzzle to spell out a hidden word. This is a passionate expression of solidarity with a nation facing adversity. Its format adds a layer of depth to the poem, emphasizing your message. With further adjustments, you’ll find greater clarity, emotional exploration, and a more explicit call to action that could earn favorable reaction. Your poem has the raw ability to to even more powerful as tribute to the strength and resilience of the Ukrainian people.

Thank you for sharing this, allowing reaction and feedback such as mine, if it can help serve in any way.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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184
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear C.E. Thieroff

"The Home on Chestnut Street"  is a poignant biographical reflection that resonates deeply with the universal themes of home, relationships, and the passage of time. The story is filled with heartfelt emotions and experiences I can relate with, as many readers should, as it offers a glimpse into the your personal journey of loss, change, and adaptation.

One of the most relatable aspects of this narrative is the connection between a home and memories. You have beautifully capturd the sentiment that it's challenging ... detach from a place where cherished memories were created. This theme strikes a resonant chord with people who have experienced the bittersweet feeling of leaving behind a place that holds a significant part of their personal history. The house becomes more than bricks and mortar; it becomes home, where so many events with memories that the walls absorbed and reflect back remind us of the shared experiences.

The portrayal of a deteriorating relationship adds another layer of relatability. The gradual decline of love and intimacy in the marriage is a theme that many can empathize with. The candid admission of your own faults and the toll of life's on the relationship underscores the complexity of human connections. Many who will reader this who have faced the strains of long-term relationships will find elements of their own experiences reflected in the narrative you offer.

The narrative also touches on the challenges of aging and adapting to new circumstances. Facing the need to move out of your beloved home due to financial constraints, your story addresses those feelings of defeat, loss, and the harsh reality of change. This resonates with individuals who have encountered life-altering transitions, especially in their later years, and had to confront the emotional and practical hurdles that come with it.

The story also reflects resilience of the human spirit. Despite pain and loss, it's your determination to "suck it up" and face the challenges head-on. This is a testament to strength of character, which should gather admirers of not only your candor but the humility you have gracefully displayed with these reflections. Readers can draw inspiration from your journey of self-discovery and adaptation.

The description of the house's transformation under new ownership carries a message of hope. It symbolizes the cyclical nature of life, where one chapter ends, and another begins. Readers who have witnessed changes in their neighborhoods or communities can relate to the evolving nature of their surroundings and the passing of the torch to the next generation. I know the feeling of watching new famillies taking over something of mine, feeling it is good to find a new purpose and the sort of charity you feel to bestow something precious to others so deserving.

I'd just like to say, Moving Out is a moving biographical account. You skillfully weave together those themes of home, struggle for relationships, the nature of aging, possibly lonliness, though a heartening resilience. I think you'll find people who read this will find themselves connecting with your emotional journey, reflecting on their own experiences (and possibly sharing), and will ultimately find solace in the idea that life, despite its challenges, continues to evolve, just like that very special house on Chestnut Street.

Happy to have discovered this and to have the opportunity to comment with such admiration. With kindest regards,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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185
185
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear The White Lotus ,

I discovered your poem today after going through my old poems to delete. I checked my feedback and found yours and wanted to send a review back, I had discovered this high rated poem and wanted to offer my own reaction with some feedback.

"The Dance Of All Peoples" presents a compelling theme of unity and mutual understanding. The poem's style is straightforward, making it accessible to a wide range of readers. It carries a message of hope and inclusivity, inviting people from different backgrounds to come together and dance for the sake of a better world.

One noteworthy aspect of your poem is its use of colorful imagery, particularly in the lines, "A rainbow full of color stands before you / Yet all you see is red, purple and blue." This imagery vividly conveys the idea that diversity should be celebrated, and people should look beyond surface differences to appreciate the richness of the human experience.

The poem also employs repetition effectively with the phrase, "Dance with me," emphasizing the call to unity and action. This repetition creates a rhythmic quality that enhances the poem's overall flow.

However, here are three suggestions that could further improve the poem:

Enhance Metaphorical Depth
While the poem's message is clear, it could benefit from deeper metaphors or allegorical elements that add layers of meaning. For instance, you could explore the symbolism of the dance itself, relating it to the complexities of human interactions and relationships.

Diversify Poetic Devices
While repetition is used effectively, incorporating other poetic devices like metaphor, simile, or symbolism can add depth and richness to the poem. For example, you could compare the dance to a river of unity flowing through diverse landscapes, highlighting the beauty of its meandering course.

Expand on Conflict Resolution
The poem briefly mentions disagreements among people, but it could delve deeper into the idea of conflict resolution and the transformative power of dance. Expanding on this theme could make the message more poignant.

Incorporating these suggestions could elevate your poem into a more layered and emotionally resonant piece of poetry. I too celebrate the differences in our approach to the craft we are enamored. It’s nice to see the world through someone else’s vision, who will step back and do the same, as you had done for me. *Heart*

Nevertheless, your poem is a heartfelt call for unity and understanding, and its message is timely and important.

Sincerely,

Brian
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Amay :

I discovered your poem "February — Inventor’s Day" on the Read and Review today, and it left me with some intriguing reflections. The poem elegantly captures the essence of inventors and their creative endeavors during the bleakness of winter, celebrating their contributions to society. The concise style and simplicity of the poem's structure mirror the clarity and ingenuity of inventors themselves.

The theme of innovation in the face of adversity is beautifully conveyed. It portrays inventors as problem solvers who thrive when faced with challenges. This thematic choice is particularly relevant and resonant in today's world, where innovation continues to play a crucial role in addressing various global issues.

The poem effectively employs several poetic devices, such as alliteration, in the lines, "Creativity flourished," where the repeated "c" sounds create a harmonious and rhythmic quality. Additionally, the use of enjambment, such as in "From aspirin to / Washing machines," adds flow and progression to the narrative, much like the evolution of inventions themselves.

While this poem is a commendable piece, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

Imagery Enhancement:
Consider incorporating more vivid imagery to bring the inventions to life in the reader's mind. For instance, instead of just mentioning "moving picture shows," describe the wonder of early cinema or the magic of a first film screening.

Expand on Historical Context:
To enhance the poem's depth, you could provide a bit more historical context or background about Thomas Edison or other inventors referenced. This could help readers connect more deeply with the subject matter. What’s particularly noteworthy now is rivalry with Tesla and other negative stuff. His cred dropped. Not that I care, just readers might be reminded.

Varied Structure:
While the concise structure works well for brevity, experimenting with different line lengths or stanza structures could add variety and dynamics to the poem, symbolizing the diverse nature of inventions and inventors. Maybe, a tight structure is a choice, showing inventors as direct, efficient producers of patented things.

Your poem shows thoughtfulness. Not certain if this was prompt driven or some other project. An unusual subject. And, such a concise poem that celebrates the spirit of innovation and creativity. You did well on theme in short form and employed some pretty decent poetic devices effectively.

But, it’s possible to revisit and redraft this as something longer, more intensive, while still sparing unnecessary language to bump up theme and subject. With a few refinements to enhance imagery, historical context, and structural variety, this has the potential to resonate even more deeply with your intended audience.

I relish this experience to have read and considered your poem for feedback, upon some initial reactions and further reflection. Kudos.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Unity  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Jenna,

Took another look at your poetry today. This senryu poem "Unity" successfully captures a moment and conveys a sense of significance within its 5-7-5 syllable format. Let's break it down:

As far as format, The poem adheres to the traditional senryu form of three lines with syllable counts of 5-7-5, which is concise and allows for a quick, impactful read.

On the subject of Themes you poem revolves around unity, love, and commitment. The mention of the "golden circle on my hand" likely refers to a wedding ring, symbolizing the unity of marriage. "Sworn on hallowed land" reinforces the solemnity and sacredness of this commitment.

As to Poetic Devices, a lot at work.
- Imagery
The use of "Sparkling sun kissed sand" paints a vivid picture of a beach scene with the sun glistening on the sand, setting a positive and serene atmosphere.
- Metaphor
The "golden circle on my hand" metaphorically represents the wedding ring, signifying the unity and eternity of love and marriage.
- Alliteration
The repetition of the "s" sound in "Sparkling sun kissed sand" adds a pleasing rhythmic quality to the poem.

The poem effectively sums up a moment of unity and commitment, leaving the reader with a clear and poignant image. It encapsulates the idea that love is like a precious circle, something beautiful and enduring, and that it is sealed in a solemn, almost sacred manner.

Your senryu provides the reader with a thought-provoking glimpse into a moment of unity and love. It indeed gives the reader something to chew on by encapsulating a profound emotion and moment in a succinct and evocative manner.

Brian
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Review of She Was New  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear C.E. Thieroff :

"She Was New" . is a touching poem that narrates a transformation and healing process in the someone named Kelly. I find that this successfully conveys a sense of empathy and concern for her suffering and eventual recovery. However, there are opportunities to enhance the poem's structure, punctuation, and focus on theme and subject.

Structurally, the poem could benefit from a more consistent and deliberate use of line breaks. Breaking lines at strategic points can emphasize the emotional journey and add depth to the reading experience. For example:

"The first time I met Kelly
the pain was indelibly etched on her face,
as plain as the headlines in today's newspaper,
it caused me to shudder inside."

This structure creates pauses and allows readers to absorb each emotional layer more effectively.

Punctuation can also be refined for clarity and rhythm. Commas and line breaks can be used to control the pacing of the poem. For instance:

"When I hugged her,
I could feel the anguish,
it permeated my skin,
deeply into my soul."

This punctuated structure helps create a deliberate rhythm and allows readers to connect with the emotions being described here.

To shift the focus more on the subject and theme rather than the repeated usage of that interfering personal pronoun, consider using descriptive language and metaphors that paint a vivid picture of Kelly's transformation. For example:

"Her once sorrowful gaze,
now bathed in newfound light,
a metamorphosis complete,
a soul reborn in the night."

This approach keeps Kelly at the center of the poem while showcasing her transformation more vividly. I feel removing oneself as much as possible, while still allowing audience to connect to narrator, can create more appreciation of speaker. Creates a connection that is added impact to the emotive elements in these offerings like empathy that show true love, care and/or devotion.

In terms of poetic devices, consider incorporating metaphors, similes, or alliteration to add depth to the poem. For example:

"Her pain was like a heavy anchor,
dragging her spirit beneath the waves,
but she clung to hope like a buoy
in the tempest of despair."

These devices can enrich the imagery and emotional impact of the poem. It’s important to let a theme run through metaphor usage, helps overall with imagery, keeps focus on intent of your words attempted expression to connect with the message and overall experience.

She Was New is a heartfelt poem with its powerful message of transformation and hope. By refining its structure, punctuation, and poetic devices while maintaining a focus on the subject and theme, the poem can become an even more compelling and evocative piece of writing. I find there is something there, like a rough gem.

All the best,


Brian
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Review of She Lives  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Delia ,

Based on the text provided, it appears that the label "opinion" for the article "She Lives "  may have been misapplied. The text reads more like a work of Christian fiction or a narrative rather than an opinion piece or commentary. It should be recategorized so readers know what they come to see, might draw more readership. I will adjust my review to focus on this as fiction.

The story revolves around a fictional character named Blanca and her encounter with Jesus, conveying a message of faith and spiritual transformation. And because of this, it does not seem to express your personal opinions or give commentary on a particular topic, but rather provides a fictional story with a Christian theme.

"She Lives" offered a Christian-based narrative that explores redemption, spiritual thirst, and the transformative power of encountering Jesus. It appears to me this story is well-structured, with clear character development and a strong focus on conveying a message of faith.

However, there are a few areas where clarity and accuracy could be improved. If I might point out and suggest for adjustment:

1. Clarity:
In the paragraph where Jesus tells Blanca about the living water, there is a bit of confusion regarding the pronouns. It would be clearer if it were stated explicitly that Blanca's thirst is not a physical one but a spiritual one. This would help readers better understand the significance of Jesus' offer of living water.

2. Further Clarity and Typo:
There is a typo in the sentence: "Balance frowned as she replied." It should be "Blanca frowned as she replied." Also, in that same paragraph, I discovered there’s a slight inconsistency in dialogue tags. It switches from "Blanca replied" to "Blanca replied" without a break there, which can be confusing to readers, breaking their focus on story.

3. Clarity and Character Perspective: The transition between Blanca's internal thoughts and the narration could be smoother. Like lwhen it says, "Knowing she was not understanding that her thirst was not a physical issue, Jesus said," it might be more effective to show this through Blanca's perspective, such as, "Blanca realized she was missing the deeper meaning, but Jesus continued."

Overall, "She Lives" effectively communicates a Christian message of redemption and spiritual awakening through Blanca's encounter with Jesus. The structure is well-balanced, with good character development and dialogue that conveys the transformation Blanca undergoes. However, address the mentioned areas for clarity and consistency and you will would enhance the reader's understanding of your fiction’s narrative.

"She Lives" successfully explores its theme of spiritual thirst and the redemption through a Christian perspective. This narrative has hidden potential to be an even more impactful and inspirational piece of Christian fiction with attention to some of the suggestions provided.

Thank you very much for this. A pleasure to read and lend comment.

Brian
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190
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Ironworker

I've read your short story "The Short Term Loan"  and I must say it's a fascinating concept that blends elements of fantasy and personal identity. The story follows a clear narrative structure, beginning with the protagonist, David, waking up in an unfamiliar body and location. The plot nfolds as he tries to understand the situation and the person whose body he has temporarily inhabited. Tension builds satisfactorily with intrigue before revealing Julie's existence and ability to switch bodies.

The climax occurs when David confronts Julie's friend, who explains the situation. Finally, all is resolved with him getting back into his own body, and that surprising financial windfall.

Here, I'll break it down:

Story Elements: effectively uses elements of mystery, fantasy, and personal transformation. It engages by presenting a unique and thought-provoking scenario: temporarily loaning one's body to someone else. The narrative is laced with tension and curiosity as David grapples with his new reality and tries to make sense of it.

Theme: central to story, it revolves around identity and empathy. This raises questions about what it means to inhabit another person's body and experience their life. It also explores idea of how such an experience can change one's perspective and understanding of others.

Highlights: The story's strength lies in its intriguing premise and the gradual revelation of Julie's unique ability. It keeps the reader hooked, wondering about the motivations and implications of body-swapping. Wondering how David will respond, what circumstances he'll face. The pacing is well-maintained, and the dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and confusion.

Now, regarding areas for improvement:

1. Character Development: Consider getting deeper into the emotional and psychological impact of body-swapping. I've seen fantasy role-play online where people try to act like their the other person, but the acting isu usally poor. But, their concepts and notions can go in a myriad of ways with these little plays online. For David, perhaps explore his inner turmoil, fears, and how he copes with this extraordinary situation. Adding inconveniences to his life and implications and having someone else be him makes me think of worries about his rep. Delving deeper would add depth to his character and make the story even more engaging.

2. Exposition: While the story maintains a good pace, there could be room to expand on the backstory of Julie and her ability. Providing more context and history would help readers better understand the fantastical elements of the story. Is she running or hiding from someone/something, similar to Quantam Leap, or is their a Freaky Friday backstory at work?

3. Conflict and Resolution: The story's resolution feels somewhat abrupt. Expanding on the conflict and the consequences of body-swapping could add complexity and make the resolution more satisfying. Like I said, the inconvenience factor, does he give advice on how to be him, does she refuse it, hurt his rep somehow? How does this experience change David's life or perspective ultimately, towards resolution and ending?

4. Description: Enrich the story with sensory details and descriptions of the surroundings. Since the setting shifts to an exotic location, use vivid imagery to immerse readers in the environment and enhance the overall reading experience. There are a lot of things that overwhelm, too much to feel all at once.

Expanding the story to incorporate the original ending sounds like a promising idea. This could provide a more comprehensive exploration of the themes and consequences introduced in the story. Overall, Short Term Loan is an imaginative and intriguing piece that could benefit from further character development, exposition, and exploration of themes. I look forward to reading an expanded version of the story when it should become available.

Thanks for sharing and allowing the community to peak in on what you're working on.

Sincerely,

Brian
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191
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear J. B. Anthony ,

I discovered your prose poem, "Portrait of a Man Consumed by Terror"  today and wanted to offer my reaction with some feedback. This piece presents a vivid portrayal of a man's daily struggles and inner turmoil, highlighting a sense of disorientation and anxiety. The style is marked by its introspective and contemplative nature, drawing the reader into the protagonist's inner world.

I notice you keep it in a micro stories folder and the decision to call it prose poetry. I noted an absence of traditional punctuation and use of fragmented sentences and stream-of-consciousness writing that effectively mirror the chaotic and disjointed state of this man's mind. This stylistic choice serves the theme of inner turmoil exceptionally well. For example, the sentence, "The pages slide across one another like waves on the ocean, gentle in their ferocity," beautifully encapsulates this blending of calm and chaos.

The repetition of the phrase "Oh well" throughout the piece adds a poignant touch to the narrative, emphasizing the character's resigned acceptance of his daily struggles. This repetition proves to be a powerful motif, while driving home the sense of futility and routine.

However, I think there might be more you could do to enhance the poem; here are a few suggestions:

Clarity and Structure: While the fragmented style is effective in conveying the protagonist's mental state, it may benefit from occasional moments of clarity or structure. This could give the reader a reprieve from this and help emphasize the moments of significance amidst the chaos.

Imagery: Consider incorporating more vivid imagery to help readers connect with the character's emotions and experiences on a deeper level. For instance, describing the physical sensations of the cold water or the taste of the meal could enhance the reader's engagement.

Narrative Arc: While the poem successfully captures the daily struggles of the character, it might benefit from a subtle narrative arc or a turning point that offers a glimmer of hope or change, even if fleeting. This could create a more satisfying reading experience.

In sum up, "Terror" (my shorthand) effectively immerses readers in the protagonist's chaotic and anxious world. The stylistic choices contribute well to the overall theme, but introducing moments of clarity, enhancing imagery, and crafting a subtle narrative arc could further elevate this powerful portrayal of inner turmoil.

Thank you for sharing this in our little community, allowing me any opportunity to study and consider for feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Oceanic  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear David E. Navarro ,

I came across this poem of yours, "Oceanic" , and gave it a read. I’m inspired to comment and offer my insights of your skillful writing.

I was struck by how beautifully composed Oceanic is, as it skillfully employs poetic devices to depict the calming and rejuvenating power of the ocean at night. The poetic skill is evident in the vivid imagery and evocative language used throughout the poem.

The opening lines immediately drew me into the speaker's experience, using the metaphor of "dancing upon the oceanic waves of despondency making faces at the moon." This metaphor not only paints a striking picture but also conveys the idea of finding solace and release in the vastness of the ocean. There’s a sense of completeness in nature, in solitude, making observations through somewhat spiritual connections, like appreciation in these moments.

The poem effectively utilizes sensory imagery, allowing readers to feel the immersive nature of the ocean's presence. Phrases like "sweltering air," "pale moon salt-foam scrub," (so good) and "cool solitude of the quiet nighttime air" engage multiple senses, creating a rich and tangible atmosphere. It’s the poet’s prize, transporting readers there, to these real or imagined visions come to life through your hands that crafted with words.

The poem's pacing is well-managed, mirroring the ebb and flow of the ocean itself. It builds a sense of tranquility and serenity as it progresses, aligning with the theme of finding relief from the stresses of the day. It’s renewal in its present state, like a car guzzling gas, a kid leveling up with new video game lives — it’s the scent of that apple pie baking in the oven. But in nature, it’s like purity, not man-made, but something spiritual, mysterious, yet explainable, if you get the gist of what hovers beyond the words of a poem lighting up your tablet’s screen. So much context, all a pleasure.

Now, I push myself to find things the writer can consider with each review, not just slap on 5 stars, ring the bell and yell ‘order up!’ And on to the next. So, what I have…

Areas for Improvement:
1. Clarity of Transition: While the poem generally flows smoothly, there is a somewhat abrupt transition from the speaker's initial experiences with despondency to the soothing qualities of the ocean. Providing a more seamless transition or a bridge between these two states of mind could enhance the poem's coherence.

2. Metaphor Development: The poem could benefit from further development of the ocean as a metaphor for stress relief. You might explore how the ocean's rhythmic waves symbolize the repetitive nature of life's challenges and how they can be washed away over time.

3. Specificity and Detail: While the poem effectively conveys a mood and atmosphere, incorporating specific sensory details or personal experiences related to the ocean's calming effects could make the emotional connection with the reader even stronger.

And truly, you have a good handle on evocative expressions that burst from the page. The poem successfully utilizes poetic devices to convey that calming influence of the ocean. Maybe, the thing about transition between despondency and serenity could be refined, the metaphor of the ocean further developed, and more specific details included to deepen the reader's connection with the poem's theme. Though, pretty fine as it stands. Sometimes, observations with advice serves future endeavors. I know it helps me to deconstruct before I construct my own ditties.

This was a pleasure and thank you for entrusting your words in this internet hamlet for consideration,

Sincerely,

Brian
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Sincerely,
Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Collected  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Collected "  is a concise and thought-provoking poem that dives into the theme of finding love a second time. It uses a unique metaphor of objects and collections to depict the concept of being valued and included in someone's life. The poem effectively communicates its message in a compact form.

In the open, it presents the idea of objects of desire, initially sought after and prized but eventually gathering dust and becoming part of a collection. This metaphor cleverly represents past relationships or experiences that may have lost their luster over time. It suggests that love, like a treasured object, can lose its shine when it becomes routine or neglected. The following lines shift focus to what it means to be loved. It conveys the notion that true love involves being continually included, sought, and consulted. This contrasts the idea of becoming just another item in someone's collection, emphasizing the importance of genuine connection and active participation in a relationship.

In the concluding words, the poem offers a cautionary note about being objectified by others who may superficially smarm, charm, or blind individuals to their true intentions. It encourages the reader to choose carefully what they see and hear, urging them not to become "collected," which implies being merely a trophy or possession. To me, that was the profoundest message and very relatable. A person might wonder, after being burned more than a few times, what’s the motivation behind this person now whispering in your ear? Why the interest?

I think what follows is the trap of cynicism, not trusting one’s own heart. It’s also to me about lowering expectations, because it sets one up for a bigger fall. All my thoughts and takeaways about reading your thought provoking poem. So now, the other side of the coin…

Areas for Improvement:
1. Clarity and Consistency: While the metaphor of objects and collections is powerful, the poem could benefit from a bit more clarity in connecting the metaphor to the theme of finding love a second time. This would make the message more explicit for the reader. I workshopped with a former poet laureate who was a stickler for keeping references all pointing to a central metaphor. Otherwise, risk confusion or wind up using tired cliches or language.

2. Expanding on the Theme: The poem touches on the idea of finding love a second time, but it could provide more depth by including personal experiences or anecdotes that illustrate this theme. Adding specific examples or scenarios would enhance the poem's relatability. What is it about the second time that inspires the poem? What engagement of thought brought you to this, your catalyst? That’s where the impetuous to inspire fresh words thrives.

3. Flow and Rhythm: While the poem is concise, some variation in line length and rhythm could enhance its overall structure. Experimenting with line breaks or stanza divisions would create a more dynamic flow and pacing. I think of music, rhythm and flow. The lyrics of a good song do this. Eventually, it feels like conversation, a soliloquy if you will, either breathless in pleading one moment then slowing to a hush. Dramatic. Whatever feels natural for the profound, emotive elements.

In conclusion, "Collected", to me, effectively conveys the idea of finding love a second time through a metaphor of objects and collections. But it could improve, so the poem could clarify its metaphor, expand on the theme, and experiment with flow and rhythm for a more engaging reading experience.

It was a pleasure to consider your fine poem for comment.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Limbo  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Krazy Anonymous ,

Upon seeing "Limbo"  today, I decided to lend some feedback with my takeaways.

This poem effectively captures the theme of soulful regret and the anguish of watching life move on without being able to participate. Perhaps, from the perspective of one confined to a bed, as far as being in a coma? One guess used up. *Wink*

The narrative voice is so compelling, tugs at a reader. Just with that open, you can feel this portrayal of someone going through this lifeless existence, seemingly used up. Couldn’t tell if coma is a comparative for something else that makes one go stiff, stop participating. It also feels like a need to fully escape what I could only describe as a purgatory. But, boy, does it switch gears. It seemed like an enough is enough. The exclamations. There’s emotional strength, though. And I’ve said to my depressed kid that despite hating life, and wishing they were never born, that passion, defiance and fight in their belly is so strong they should utilize it. Find purpose, meaning. Not defeatism, not check out before truly giving life a chance.

The interesting thing about jotting down these words as a writer is it serves as a visceral release. This voice is trapped by societal gags, perhaps, or by users and gaslighters. People who are judgmental, shaming or keep a person in a repressed state, won’t let them rise above their station. Any, all, or none can apply. This is what good poetry should do…puzzle the curiosity in a reader.

But, One who left to feel contrite because of the actions of others. Regret? That part made me think about generosity of this soul. But why is not clear. So, from there, let’s see…I found structure and language usage contribute to its expressions, but areas could be addressed and improved for a more impactful portrayal of this poignant emotion.

Structure and Language Use:
1. Structure and Repetition: The poem utilizes a structured pattern with rhyming couplets, which can work well for certain themes. However, the repetition of "fizzing" and "living" in the poem's concluding lines, while emphasizing the feeling of confinement, could be slightly more varied for a more nuanced expression of emotion.

Suggestion: Explore synonyms or alternate descriptions to convey the stagnation of the soul more vividly.

2. Vivid Imagery: The poem effectively uses language to evoke a sense of helplessness and longing. Phrases like "repenting for their misgivings" and "watching the life I abandoned whilst blind" create vivid mental images that enhance the reader's understanding of the soul's regret.

3. Emotional Depth: The poem successfully conveys the sorrow and frustration of the soul, but it could delve deeper into the specific misgivings or memories that haunt the narrator. This would provide readers with a more profound emotional connection to the narrator's plight.

Areas for Improvement:
1. Exploration of Regret: While the poem touches on the theme of regret, it could benefit from getting deeper into specific actions or choices that lead to the soul's regret. Providing more context would enhance understanding of the soul's anguish.

2. Extended Metaphor: The concept of "fizzing" is intriguing, but it could be further expanded upon to illustrate the soul's state of limbo. Developing this metaphor with additional details and sensory descriptions would make the poem more immersive.

3. Narrative Development: The poem had a compelling narrative of watching life from the afterlife, but could benefit from further development. Providing glimpses of the soul's past life or encounters with the living could make the narrative more engaging.

In summary, "Limbo" effectively conveys the theme of soulful regret and the frustration of watching life move on from a distant vantage point. I could totally feel energy, relate. Connecting with a reader is no problem here. I found something of interest that I enjoyed commenting on today. Hope all this feedback wasn’t too much.

Sincerely,

Brian
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Madridista ,

"Top five goofs in my running life"  is an engaging column that combines humor and personal experiences in the realm of amateur running. As a former column of little acclaim, I felt your piece effectively conveys the comical mishaps and challenges faced in your running journey, which would be relatable to readers who may have had their own share of athletic misadventures. I’ve had mine, too.

The column's humorous tone is one of its strongest assets. It's evident in anecdotes like mistaking porridge for race-day fuel and the "fire in the pants" scenario. These moments are amusing and resonate with anyone who has encountered unexpected and embarrassing situations during physical activities. The humor added an entertaining layer to your narrative approach and keeps readers engaged.

The writing is concise and straightforward, which works well for this type of column. The anecdotes are presented in a chronological order, which helped maintain a coherent structure and would allow readers to follow the your running journey over the years. The use of specific years for each anecdote also adds a sense of time progression.

Based on some experience as a former journalist with print, television and radio background, I’d like to suggest areas where the column could be improved:

Vivid Descriptions
While the column is humorous, it could benefit from more vivid descriptions to immerse readers in the writer's experiences. For instance, in the "porridge nightmare" scenario, describing the sensation and the surroundings in more detail could enhance the reader's connection to the story…put them there, visualize the scenario. Anticipate outcome, build a little suspense, if possible with foreshadowing.

Reflection and Takeaways
Adding a reflective element to the column could make it more insightful. After sharing each goof, the writer could briefly discuss what they learned from the experience or how it impacted their approach to running. This would provide a more rounded narrative and give readers something to take away from the column.

Engaging the Reader
To further engage readers, consider inviting them to share their own running mishaps or anecdotes in response to the column. This could foster a sense of community and interaction among readers. Not sure if you’ve tried this. Perhaps, this community doesn’t foster that kind of readership, fandom.

“Top Five Goofs Of My Running Life" is an entertaining column that shows to me it effectively combines humor and personal experiences to depict the amateur running life with its adventures. To enhance the column, consider incorporating more vivid descriptions, adding reflective elements, and encouraging reader engagement. Overall, i found it succeeds in delivering an enjoyable and relatable read for those familiar with the trials and tribulations of amateur sports.

It was a pleasure to read and comment on this rare find in this writing community. I’m thinking of my editor now, ‘Let’s run with it.’ *Laugh* All the best to you and your endeavors.

Sincerely,

Brian
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196
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Survivor48 ,

Readers are likely to respond to this prose with empathy and compassion. It's a heartfelt expression of grief and love for a lost family member, which can resonate with anyone who has experienced the pain of losing someone close. The author’s connection to subject drive home impact of words shared, in what I assume is a very personal piece and subject.

In this prose about the death of the brother, this piece suggests several observations that are relevant to the prose conveyance:

We Have Emotional Impact
The emotions here are palpable throughout, deep sorrow, pain, and longing for brother. This emotional connection is evident in phrases like "I really miss him" and "Words cannot express the pain."

Reflection on Brother:
It reflects upon brother’s life, highlighting the duality of his personality. When sober, he was a "great individual," but when influenced by drugs, he had an "addictive personality." This shows a complex understanding of their brother's struggles. It demonstrates the depth and seriousness of the relationship.

Grief and Coping:
This also touches on the difficulty of coping with the loss of a loved one. It mentions that life after such a loss is extremely hard, emphasizing the emotional toll it takes on the family. Those who are left behind may never fully put something like this behind and it resonates in the strained selection of words composed.

Purpose:
The text obviously serves as a therapeutic purpose. We write to discover hidden feelings, unanswered questions, to blue-print/diagram each and every scenario we try to make sense of, get close to, hope to reap a bit of knowledge from. Just as therapy, we answer our own questions, though the process is long, grueling, tedious, filled with hiccups. Writing about brother and these feelings help process grief and emotions. It could be a way to find some closure or at least a means to express love and memories of brother.

Some readers might find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their grief, while others may simply appreciate the raw and honest emotions conveyed. Overall, the response from readers is likely to be one of sympathy and understanding for the author's experience and loss.

If I were to suggest improvement in this very personal conveyance:

Keep this going:
You have to revisit grieving until it is all out. By continuing to write, let the stark, true words bubble upon there. Bolster this ode with more detail.

Language is simple, but hard:
The simpler the better if not cliche or trite expression. Too close to it, it’s okay. Over time, wounds begin to heal. You either stop writing or pen the best selection of simple, straightforward words.

Try to eulogize:
There is many approaches and an art to eulogies, often portrayed in movies and television to absurd levels. A eulogy sets up reflection, perspective, sharing the good as well as not so good. It can formulate many different posturings that can coalesce into more than prose. Either memoir, embellished fiction, or poetry can burst forth. Give in to all mediums and find a way to eulogize.

Thank you for sharing,
Sorry for your loss,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Nausea  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear SeanFear ,

So glad I discovered your poem, "Nausea"  today and wanted to offer my reaction with some feedback.

"Nausea" presents an interesting interplay between vivid imagery and emotional depth. The poem revolves around themes of love, loss, and the emotional impact of waiting. You've employed poetic devices like metaphor and personification effectively to convey its message. You did well to hook this reader from the start…

In the luster of her eyes
you'd see the dreams of
a glowing sun

The opening lines create a beautiful image of the subject's eyes, described as "the dreams of a glowing sun." That is particularly striking in how it shows emotion with the simple depiction of eyes. This shows you don’t have to work hard with the language as natural as this. There is warmth, appreciation, a comparative with a vision all know well, especially with ‘glowing’, a word often applied to pregnant women. There’s something special about this someone. This metaphor not only paints a vivid picture but also implies a gaze that is uplifting and inspiring (as to write an ode to her). The subsequent lines further explore the idea of the heart's connection to the subject's presence, using rich metaphors and personification to illustrate the profound effect this person has.

One of the notable features of the poem is the use of repetition, particularly in the lines "shall I wait for the injury to heal" and "shall remain unditched." This repetition not only serves to emphasize key ideas but also contributes to the poem's rhythm and overall flow. This is especially functional with a tonality that appeases.

I did have some suggestions if you ever consider doing any revisions:

1. Clarity in Transition
While the poem effectively conveys emotion and imagery, it could benefit from greater clarity in transitioning between ideas. For instance, there's a shift from describing the subject's impact on the speaker to the idea of waiting, and then to the concept of nausea. Ensuring a smoother transition between these aspects would enhance the poem's coherence.

2. Explore Emotions Deeper
The poem touches on powerful emotions like love and loss, but there's room to delve even deeper into these feelings. Consider expanding on the emotional turmoil caused by waiting and the lasting impact of loss to create a more profound emotional resonance.

3. Varying Structure
While the poem maintains a consistent rhyme scheme and structure, experimenting with line length and stanza breaks could add variety and impact to the poem's overall rhythm and delivery. This could help emphasize key moments or ideas.

I thought this poem effectively captures the emotions associated with love, waiting, and loss. By refining those transitions, maybe delving deeper into emotions, and possibly experimenting a bit with structure, you could further enhance ability of this write to resonate impactfully with readers. I enjoyed reading your poem and considering its potential. I’m happy you shared it here, offering me this chance to lend feedback…if it helps in any way.

Best regards,

Brian
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Review of Summer Harvest  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Pumpkin , I discovered your poem, "Summer Harvest"  while in consideration of our changing season here in Northeast Wisconsin and enjoyed the read, so wanted to offer my reaction with a review, as a member of the Super Power Reviewer’s group.

Your offering beautifully captures the essence of the season through use of vivid imagery and sensory details. I was impacted by how the poem employs a sensory-rich approach, emphasizing the sense of smell and taste to evoke the reader's connection to the summer harvest. The use of simile in "Weaves through the air like embroidery thread" creates a delightful and relatable image, comparing the aroma to a familiar and delicate craft. This style effectively transported me into the scene, allowing a fuller experience about the harvest with this narrator’s charm and appreciation of all things connected to fall..

The seasonal theme is strong and provided a vivid snapshot of summer transitioning into autumn. It speaks to the cyclical nature of the seasons, with summer's abundance giving way to the eventual decay of autumn and the arrival of winter. This thematic exploration of the passage of time and change is a powerful element of the poem.

One noteworthy aspect is the use of personification in "Toward autumn's beauty I must run," giving autumn the quality of beauty and agency as if it's a destination to reach. This personification adds depth to the poem and contributes to the overall theme of change. It’s how I like to personify and connect in my nature poetry, to show a romantically driven theme.

I thought I could offer some suggestions for improvement, if you decide revision is necessary…

*Consistency in Rhyme and Meter*
While the poem employs rhyme in some lines, it could benefit from more consistent rhyme and meter to enhance its musicality. For example, consider maintaining a consistent rhyme scheme throughout the poem to create a more rhythmic and harmonious flow. If you lean into something like free verse, a poet could tone down rhyme and bump up with assonance to help with that ear candy.

*Expand on Emotions*
While the poem effectively paints a sensory picture of the harvest season, it could delve deeper into the emotional aspect of the speaker's connection to summer and the impending change. Exploring the speaker's feelings about the transition from summer to autumn could add emotional depth to the poem. It could relate to childhood or parenting, any romance.

*Enhance Closure*
The poem ends with the line "Memories of summer will linger," which is a strong note, but it might benefit from a concluding stanza or lines that offer a more satisfying sense of closure or reflection on the harvest season. Much like a haiku, it paints pictures with the words, the ending acts as a pay off by connecting those dots and fully immersing in what it all means, some kind of statement that could impact more fully.

To kind of recap, your poetry is a sensory-rich and evocative presence that beautifully captures the essence of the season and the passage of time. I think you’ll find refining rhyme and meter can help for a smooth more musical read. If there’s a possibility, expanding on emotions, and enhancing closure, this poem could further elevate its impact and resonate with readers.

This was a pleasure for me to consume and consider for feedback. I appreciate that you shared and entrusted your words with our writing community.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of stolen Moments  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A white case memorial review of "stolen Moments"  by Lisa Noe :

"Stolen Moments" by Lisa Noe is a poignant poem that captures the essence of fleeting, cherished moments. While the poem is a heartfelt expression of emotion, let's explore how it succeeded before I reveal the potential areas there were for improvement.

Successes:
1. Emotional Impact: The poem successfully evokes deep emotions, particularly in the first stanza. It beautifully portrays the idea of capturing a magical moment in time and treasuring it forever. The use of rhyme enhances the emotional resonance, making it a touching read.

Example: "A magical moment stolen in time
Sweet treasured moment spoken of in rhyme."

2. Imagery: The poem effectively employs imagery to convey the idea of joy and love. Lines like "Joyous notes being bellowed" and "Hope is heard meticulously" paint vivid pictures in the reader's mind, enhancing the overall experience.

Example: "Joyous notes being bellowed,
Dripping from each sound, it’s mellowed."

3. Themes of Love and Gratitude: The poem clearly conveys themes of love and gratitude. It's evident that the speaker is celebrating a special connection and expressing thankfulness for it, which resonates with readers who have experienced similar emotions.

Example: "Praising God for giving me you."

If Lisa were with us today, here are three areas that could have been improved to make the poem even more powerful and refined:

1. Structure and Pacing: The poem is relatively short, and its brevity works well for its theme. However, Lisa could have experimented with stanza breaks and line lengths to create a more dynamic and varied rhythm. This would provide a sense of movement and depth, enhancing the reading experience.

2. Consistency in Imagery: While the poem employs vivid imagery effectively in places, maintaining consistent imagery throughout would strengthen its impact. Lisa could have extended metaphors or symbolism to develop a deeper connection between the stolen moments and the emotions they evoke.

3. Exploration of Nuances: The poem touches on the idea of stolen moments and love, but it could benefit from delving deeper into the nuances of these emotions. Lisa could have explored specific memories or details that make these moments special and unique, allowing readers to connect on a personal level.

In summary, "Stolen Moments" by our cherished lost friend is truly a touching poem successfully conveying emotional themes through heartfelt language and imagery. If only we could have her here to continue to encourage her explore deeper nuances within the theme of those stolen moments and love.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Miss Writer :

"Title:- The Dance of Time"  is a beautifully composed poem that skillfully explores concept of time as an ephemeral dance. Its structure and flow contribute to its charm, but there are some areas where improvement can enhance the overall impact.

Meter and Rhyme:
The poem follows a consistent AABB rhyme scheme, which adds a musical quality. However, consider incorporating occasional variations in rhyme to maintain reader engagement. For instance, in the fourth stanza, you could use a slant rhyme to create a subtle shift.

Suggestion: "Time's symphony plays, near and far,
A melodic tune like a distant star."

Length of Stanzas:
The stanzas are relatively uniform in length, which provides a sense of balance. To create more contrast and emphasize key points, try varying the stanza lengths. Shorter stanzas can emphasize profound moments, while longer ones can provide a sense of continuity.

Suggestion: Consider shortening stanzas to emphasize impactful lines, such as the last stanza.

Theme Conveyance:
Imagery: The poem effectively uses imagery to convey the theme of time as a dance. However, it can benefit from more vivid and unique imagery to capture the reader's imagination. For example, in the second stanza, you could paint a more colorful picture of time's rhythm.

Suggestion: "In every breath, with every beat,
Time's rhythm, a waltz of swift, nimble feet."

Symbolism: While the poem alludes to the emotions associated with time, it can delve deeper into symbolic representations. For instance, you could use symbolism to represent joy, pain, and love as distinct dancers in the dance of time.

Suggestion: "Joy pirouettes, Pain waltzes by,
Love leads the dance, reaching for the sky."

Metaphors: Explore metaphors to enrich the theme further. Comparing time to a dance is a great start, but extending this metaphor can evoke more profound emotions.

Suggestion: "Time's dance, a river, ever flowing,
Carrying us on its currents, unknowing."

Overall, I found "The Dance of Time" to be a graceful poem with a compelling theme. By incorporating variations in rhyme, experimenting with stanza lengths, you might find a better read. Deepening the use of imagery, symbolism, and metaphors to fully capture the essence of time's dance would truly impact what already is a beautiful poem. Perhaps, the suggestions can help engage readers on a deeper level and make the poem even more memorable.

This was a joy to consume and consider as I thought about how to appreciate your poem on this level and give it further attention, should you decide to move forward with any revisions. Thank you for sharing and allowing this opportunity to send feedback,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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