For My Dear WDC Friend WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 :
Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to give back. You’ve done so much for me over the years. I get wrapped up in writing endeavors, lost in reflection as neurodivergent. I can focus better now and want to share what I can while I can.
“Time" invites readers to ponder the relentless passage of time, a universal theme that has been explored in countless ways by poets (like me) throughout history. The poem is characterized by its reflective and introspective style, drawing attention to the fleeting nature of time and its impact on our lives.
You begin by offering a series of questions, emphasizing the abruptness with which time seems to slip away. The repetition of "How did it get so late so soon?" (Dr. Seuss, from the prompt I assume )and "How did it get so late?" creates a sense of urgency and surprise, effectively conveying the poet's astonishment at the rapid passage of time. The use of questions here encourages readers to engage with the theme to prompt one to reflect on their own experiences with time.
You employ a regular rhyme scheme and consistent four-line stanzas, which provide a structured and rhythmic quality to the poem. This choice of form gives the poem a sense of order and control, contrasting with the chaotic nature of time itself. It's important to note that the poem's form, although conventional, complements the theme by highlighting the inevitability of time's progression.
The poem utilizes a range of poetic devices, heard in the lines like "With every sip of breath I take" and "Wrinkles of old age do make," creating a musical quality and drawing attention to the physical effects of time on the speaker. Additionally, the metaphors in "Like bamboo sprouts, we bend" and "In circles of Life's wind, we trust" vividly depict the malleability of human existence and the cyclical nature of life.
Suggestions for improvement might include providing more vivid and specific imagery to further engage the reader's senses. For example, instead of "Wrinkles of old age do make," you could describe the wrinkles in a way that allows the reader to visualize and feel the effects of time on the skin more intensely. For instance, "Wrinkles etched by the hands of time, like ripples in the sand," adds a more evocative image. Maybe hands of time is cliche, but an illustration.
Furthermore, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary. Words like "flee," "follow through," and "vault" are somewhat conventional choices and might be substituted with more imaginative and descriptive language to enhance the poem's impact. I’m caught between locating words through thesaurus that fit, but not archaic, with respect for the tone and quality I aim for when I write. It’s a hunt that leads through many internet doors, from word origins and definitions to sentence applications. I learn a lot, pocket some stuff to use another day. Sometimes, a little physics goes a long way here. I’ve tried.
Wrapping this up, "Time" successfully explores the inexorable march of time with an introspective style and a structured form. Your poem invites readers to contemplate their own experiences and the impermanence of life. Existentialism? Incorporating even more vivid imagery while experimenting with vocabulary, you can further elevate the emotional resonance of this poem.
I’m so happy to have been trusted to read and review for you. It is the least I can do. Well done.
Best regards,
Brian
Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Group
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"RedWheelbarrow SpringChickens 🐓"
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