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240 Public Reviews Given
249 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of A small rant  
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Interesting. Formatting your opening paragraph into 2 separate paragraphs complete with line spacers would add to the tension/hook of your piece.

It's a little bit of a chicken/egg scenario, thoughts of suicide and selfharm.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of The Blog  
Rated: E | (5.0)
1 star as per request pertaining to the anti-blog sentiments. 4 stars for such a well written piece.
28
28
Review of Books.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think snarled is too harsh. Something like "Books," he shook his head, and crawled back underneath the truck.

Also, try this edit:

Jimmy pulled himself out from under the truck, and watched her walk; the sun beamed shadows and haloes around her ass as she strode away.

Both these edits give a new dimension to their relationship, and to the story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of Georgie Flies  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Beautiful story. Poor Georgie.
30
30
Rated: E | (5.0)
Noice. Looks good mate. It matches my author of the month from march or may, I forget which. Like you, I had no idea what I did to deserve the notice, but, hey, I wasn't knockin' it back!
31
31
Review of The Swift  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow.
32
32
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The important parts of this prologue are:

- the protagonists are a family of werewolves.
- the forest is no longer safe for them.
- the werewolves want strength in numbers and want to make a stand.

I think the sense of urgency and fear would be narrowed to a sharper point, if you began the passage with the Gunshots line and relegated the Shouts line to second place.

I also think lengthen the fight or flight in the forest, and shorten the interactions of the family with each other in the rest. You should still keep the fathers desperation to escape and fight another day however.

Or another track you could go is keep it to a single scene. Begin it with the wounded half wolf formed mother dragging her scared child out of its hiding place, then have the father give the emotional speech, then Have them run.

Either way, you should enter some of my contests! ;)
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 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1867748 by Not Available.

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"The Detailed Writing Prompt Comp" 
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"Invalid Item" 
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"No Rest" 
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Michael Thundersbeard
Artist, Writer, Father, Factory Worker.
http://www.lifeandothertragedies.com
(and husband too!)
33
33
Review of The Hunt  
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's quite good prose. Tense, atmospheric, in the moment; why are you calling this poetry? You're doing yourself a disservice.



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The Detailed Writing Prompt Comp  (E)
Multiple, Big Prizes plus PUBLICATION. Every entry wins Gift Points. JULY Prompt up!
#1814391 by Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST

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"Invalid Item" 
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"No Rest " 
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Michael Thundersbeard
Artist, Writer, Father, Factory Worker.
http://www.lifeandothertragedies.com
(and husband too!)
34
34
Review of Someone Tell Me  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Nice flow, nice lyricism. Do you actually perform this? What style of music is it? What instruments accompany it?
It's hard to critique, not knowing the genre.

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The Detailed Writing Prompt Comp  (E)
Multiple, Big Prizes plus PUBLICATION. Every entry wins Gift Points. JULY Prompt up!
#1814391 by Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST

---
"Invalid Item" 
---
"No Rest " 
---
Michael Thundersbeard
Artist, Writer, Father, Factory Worker.
http://www.lifeandothertragedies.com
(and husband too!)
35
35
Review of Cruel and Unusual  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I can't wait for the Adam Sandler movie.
36
36
Review of Is It Worth It?  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Was it worth reading? Yes, young man, it was. Good stuff!
37
37
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great list - could do with more comix listed however, or an explanation as to why there are not.
38
38
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! This is one of the comprehensive and exhaustive lists/glossaries I've ever seen!
39
39
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hiya,

We miss you. Hope everything's okay?
40
40
Review of A New Republic  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Spice up the weaponry used and increase the descriptions of their targets. Ie. Show the skate boarding teens crying.

Nice satire.

Don't forget to enter my contest this month:

If you want to practice your writing some more, why don't you check out my little competition. A political satire would suit it to a tee.

10000 gift points plus inclusion in an anthology are up for grabs. There are more details on the contest page about the anthology but we'll be publishing both your contest entry and a non-competition story (to showcase your non-competition talents).

Februarys Detailed Writing Prompt is an easy ride along a slow highway. Just watch out for that gang of bikies screaming up behind you, crowding your rear view mirror and breathing down your neck. Better hit the gas, cowboy!

The Big Bang

Start your story with a dramatic event that grabs the interest of your readers. For example a murder, a car crash, an explosion, a relationship break-up. The opening event will then provide a launching point for you to introduce your characters, who will go on to face new complications arising from the original event.

An advantage of this approach is that it is immediately captivating and it allows you to introduce your characters in a situation of high stress, which will reveal a great deal about who they are.

A challenge is that you may then face an early anti-climax if you are not careful.

If it helps you get started, here are some character prompts. You don't have to use all of these characters, or even any of them. This month I have given the character prompts a supernatural feel in keeping with much of the paranormal action-adventure/romance stories here on WDC.

THE CHARACTERS:

DEJUAN VILLEGAS. An undead baron, a locket with a commoner's picture on it gives Dejuan a mysterious appearance. His cold blue eyes scan the area from beneath messy black hair. He has a long scar over his eyes and a penchant for body bandages.
Dejuan uses brute force to protect what is important to him and cuts corners and commits small crimes whenever he can get away with it.

DIAMOND SWEET. Diamond has messy, combed back orange hair and shimmering hazel eyes. He has a haughty gaze and a frenzied look in his eyes. He wears a swashbuckers shirt and breeches and speaks plainly. Whenever the moon is waning, Diamonds vision begins rapidly failing. He is a werewolf. His drive to create a perfect society borders on madness but his good will is apparent in everything he does.

SAVANNA SARAH CRUZ. The untrustworthy-looking Savanna wears a pirate captains coat. Savanna's destructive spirit manifests in her tendency to use intimidation over diplomacy, and to solve problems with force rather then forethought. Savanna is a seer and by taking a deep swig of wine she can sense the locations of all nearby magical forces. Though sometimes coarse and harsh, Savanna truly has everyone's best interest at heart. The pirate captain's coat hides the effects of a curse where her skin has become repulsive to anyone who desires her.

DR ELDERS. The foppish looking Dr Elders wears a school uniform. He too is a bearer of much angst and is secretly responsible for the death of hundreds. His love of order is displayed by his stark organisational skills and in order to resurrect his dead brother, Dr Elders will literally do anything. When badly wounded, Dr Elder automatically invokes the secret force FLARECHILD'S GLORY and can speak, read and understand the language of light-aligned supernatural creatures.

---


For writers this will be an interesting challenge as by it's nature you will have certain elements dictated to you restricting freedom of choice. But on the other hand, that overwhelming sense of "where do I begin." will be missing thus freeing you to WRITE.

For readers and reviewers, it will be a great chance to compare writing styles and structures with similar elements and frameworks.

If you don't want to join in the prompt, maybe you could donate some gift points to the yearly winner. Here is the donation fund ID: "Invalid Item" 


---
The Detailed Writing Prompt Comp  (E)
Multiple, Big Prizes plus PUBLICATION. Every entry wins Gift Points. JULY Prompt up!
#1814391 by Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST

---
"Invalid Item" 
---
"No Rest " 
---
Michael Thundersbeard
Artist, Writer, Father, Factory Worker.
http://www.lifeandothertragedies.com
(and husband too!)
41
41
Review of Penance  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Man, you should really expand that story. That was a great read. I couldn't put it down!
42
42
Review of Beths Ring  
for entry "Chapter one" 
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is great. Very gothic and romantic, in that tense, desperate way.

If you want to practice your writing some more, why don't you check out my little competition. A gothic romance setting would suit it wonderfully this month.

10000 gift points plus inclusion in an anthology are up for grabs. There are more details on the contest page about the anthology but we'll be publishing both your contest entry and a non-competition story (to showcase your non-competition talents).

Februarys Detailed Writing Prompt is an easy ride along a slow highway. Just watch out for that gang of bikies screaming up behind you, crowding your rear view mirror and breathing down your neck. Better hit the gas, cowboy!

The Big Bang

Start your story with a dramatic event that grabs the interest of your readers. For example a murder, a car crash, an explosion, a relationship break-up. The opening event will then provide a launching point for you to introduce your characters, who will go on to face new complications arising from the original event.

An advantage of this approach is that it is immediately captivating and it allows you to introduce your characters in a situation of high stress, which will reveal a great deal about who they are.

A challenge is that you may then face an early anti-climax if you are not careful.

If it helps you get started, here are some character prompts. You don't have to use all of these characters, or even any of them. This month I have given the character prompts a supernatural feel in keeping with much of the paranormal action-adventure/romance stories here on WDC.

THE CHARACTERS:

DEJUAN VILLEGAS. An undead baron, a locket with a commoner's picture on it gives Dejuan a mysterious appearance. His cold blue eyes scan the area from beneath messy black hair. He has a long scar over his eyes and a penchant for body bandages.
Dejuan uses brute force to protect what is important to him and cuts corners and commits small crimes whenever he can get away with it.

DIAMOND SWEET. Diamond has messy, combed back orange hair and shimmering hazel eyes. He has a haughty gaze and a frenzied look in his eyes. He wears a swashbuckers shirt and breeches and speaks plainly. Whenever the moon is waning, Diamonds vision begins rapidly failing. He is a werewolf. His drive to create a perfect society borders on madness but his good will is apparent in everything he does.

SAVANNA SARAH CRUZ. The untrustworthy-looking Savanna wears a pirate captains coat. Savanna's destructive spirit manifests in her tendency to use intimidation over diplomacy, and to solve problems with force rather then forethought. Savanna is a seer and by taking a deep swig of wine she can sense the locations of all nearby magical forces. Though sometimes coarse and harsh, Savanna truly has everyone's best interest at heart. The pirate captain's coat hides the effects of a curse where her skin has become repulsive to anyone who desires her.

DR ELDERS. The foppish looking Dr Elders wears a school uniform. He too is a bearer of much angst and is secretly responsible for the death of hundreds. His love of order is displayed by his stark organisational skills and in order to resurrect his dead brother, Dr Elders will literally do anything. When badly wounded, Dr Elder automatically invokes the secret force FLARECHILD'S GLORY and can speak, read and understand the language of light-aligned supernatural creatures.

---


For writers this will be an interesting challenge as by it's nature you will have certain elements dictated to you restricting freedom of choice. But on the other hand, that overwhelming sense of "where do I begin." will be missing thus freeing you to WRITE.

For readers and reviewers, it will be a great chance to compare writing styles and structures with similar elements and frameworks.


If you don't want to join in the prompt, maybe you could donate some gift points to the yearly winner. Here is the donation fund ID: "Invalid Item" 




---
The Detailed Writing Prompt Comp  (E)
Multiple, Big Prizes plus PUBLICATION. Every entry wins Gift Points. JULY Prompt up!
#1814391 by Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST

---
"Invalid Item" 
---
"No Rest " 
---
Michael Thundersbeard
Artist, Writer, Father, Factory Worker.
http://www.lifeandothertragedies.com
(and husband too!)
43
43
Review of Premonition  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Now that's a text book case of a good short short story! I just read a book on short story writing and it was full of examples just like yours. Well done, very well crafted.

Perhaps you'd like to showcase your talents in my competiton. I think your talent for the paranormal would be suited to the competition I run. The link is in my sig but here are the details for this month.

Februarys Detailed Writing Prompt is an easy ride along a slow highway. Just watch out for that gang of bikies screaming up behind you, crowding your rear view mirror and breathing down your neck. Better hit the gas, cowboy!

The Big Bang

Start your story with a dramatic event that grabs the interest of your readers. For example a murder, a car crash, an explosion, a relationship break-up. The opening event will then provide a launching point for you to introduce your characters, who will go on to face new complications arising from the original event.

An advantage of this approach is that it is immediately captivating and it allows you to introduce your characters in a situation of high stress, which will reveal a great deal about who they are.

A challenge is that you may then face an early anti-climax if you are not careful.

If it helps you get started, here are some character prompts. You don't have to use all of these characters, or even any of them. This month I have given the character prompts a supernatural feel in keeping with much of the paranormal action-adventure/romance stories here on WDC.

THE CHARACTERS:

DEJUAN VILLEGAS. An undead baron, a locket with a commoner's picture on it gives Dejuan a mysterious appearance. His cold blue eyes scan the area from beneath messy black hair. He has a long scar over his eyes and a penchant for body bandages.
Dejuan uses brute force to protect what is important to him and cuts corners and commits small crimes whenever he can get away with it.

DIAMOND SWEET. Diamond has messy, combed back orange hair and shimmering hazel eyes. He has a haughty gaze and a frenzied look in his eyes. He wears a swashbuckers shirt and breeches and speaks plainly. Whenever the moon is waning, Diamonds vision begins rapidly failing. He is a werewolf. His drive to create a perfect society borders on madness but his good will is apparent in everything he does.

SAVANNA SARAH CRUZ. The untrustworthy-looking Savanna wears a pirate captains coat. Savanna's destructive spirit manifests in her tendency to use intimidation over diplomacy, and to solve problems with force rather then forethought. Savanna is a seer and by taking a deep swig of wine she can sense the locations of all nearby magical forces. Though sometimes coarse and harsh, Savanna truly has everyone's best interest at heart. The pirate captain's coat hides the effects of a curse where her skin has become repulsive to anyone who desires her.

DR ELDERS. The foppish looking Dr Elders wears a school uniform. He too is a bearer of much angst and is secretly responsible for the death of hundreds. His love of order is displayed by his stark organisational skills and in order to resurrect his dead brother, Dr Elders will literally do anything. When badly wounded, Dr Elder automatically invokes the secret force FLARECHILD'S GLORY and can speak, read and understand the language of light-aligned supernatural creatures.

---


For writers this will be an interesting challenge as by it's nature you will have certain elements dictated to you restricting freedom of choice. But on the other hand, that overwhelming sense of "where do I begin." will be missing thus freeing you to WRITE.

For readers and reviewers, it will be a great chance to compare writing styles and structures with similar elements and frameworks.

Monthly prize is 10 000 gift points and inclusion in an anthology. A great publishing opportunity, and there are more details about it on the competition page.
44
44
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I think what some people don't realise about 'telling' as opposed to 'showing' is that 'telling' can be a very sinister way of telling a story, especially when introducing a story or an adding atmosphere throughout.

I think your talents would be suited to the competition I run. The link is in my sig but here are the details for this month.

Februarys Detailed Writing Prompt is an easy ride along a slow highway. Just watch out for that gang of bikies screaming up behind you, crowding your rear view mirror and breathing down your neck. Better hit the gas, cowboy!

The Big Bang

Start your story with a dramatic event that grabs the interest of your readers. For example a murder, a car crash, an explosion, a relationship break-up. The opening event will then provide a launching point for you to introduce your characters, who will go on to face new complications arising from the original event.

An advantage of this approach is that it is immediately captivating and it allows you to introduce your characters in a situation of high stress, which will reveal a great deal about who they are.

A challenge is that you may then face an early anti-climax if you are not careful.

If it helps you get started, here are some character prompts. You don't have to use all of these characters, or even any of them. This month I have given the character prompts a supernatural feel in keeping with much of the paranormal action-adventure/romance stories here on WDC.

THE CHARACTERS:

DEJUAN VILLEGAS. An undead baron, a locket with a commoner's picture on it gives Dejuan a mysterious appearance. His cold blue eyes scan the area from beneath messy black hair. He has a long scar over his eyes and a penchant for body bandages.
Dejuan uses brute force to protect what is important to him and cuts corners and commits small crimes whenever he can get away with it.

DIAMOND SWEET. Diamond has messy, combed back orange hair and shimmering hazel eyes. He has a haughty gaze and a frenzied look in his eyes. He wears a swashbuckers shirt and breeches and speaks plainly. Whenever the moon is waning, Diamonds vision begins rapidly failing. He is a werewolf. His drive to create a perfect society borders on madness but his good will is apparent in everything he does.

SAVANNA SARAH CRUZ. The untrustworthy-looking Savanna wears a pirate captains coat. Savanna's destructive spirit manifests in her tendency to use intimidation over diplomacy, and to solve problems with force rather then forethought. Savanna is a seer and by taking a deep swig of wine she can sense the locations of all nearby magical forces. Though sometimes coarse and harsh, Savanna truly has everyone's best interest at heart. The pirate captain's coat hides the effects of a curse where her skin has become repulsive to anyone who desires her.

DR ELDERS. The foppish looking Dr Elders wears a school uniform. He too is a bearer of much angst and is secretly responsible for the death of hundreds. His love of order is displayed by his stark organisational skills and in order to resurrect his dead brother, Dr Elders will literally do anything. When badly wounded, Dr Elder automatically invokes the secret force FLARECHILD'S GLORY and can speak, read and understand the language of light-aligned supernatural creatures.

---


For writers this will be an interesting challenge as by it's nature you will have certain elements dictated to you restricting freedom of choice. But on the other hand, that overwhelming sense of "where do I begin." will be missing thus freeing you to WRITE.

For readers and reviewers, it will be a great chance to compare writing styles and structures with similar elements and frameworks.

Monthly prize is 10 000 gift points and inclusion in an anthology. A great publishing opportunity, and there are more details about it on the competition page.


---
The Detailed Writing Prompt Comp  (E)
Multiple, Big Prizes plus PUBLICATION. Every entry wins Gift Points. JULY Prompt up!
#1814391 by Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST

---
"Invalid Item" 
---
"No Rest " 
---
Michael Thundersbeard
Artist, Writer, Father, Factory Worker.
http://www.lifeandothertragedies.com
(and husband too!)
45
45
Review of Burlesque  
for entry "Prologue - Retrospect" 
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

That was incredibly well-written and realised. I don't know many writers who could pull off the imagery in the final paragraphs after a deceptively straight-forward narrative through-out. Really inspiring stuff.


---
The Detailed Writing Prompt Comp  (E)
Multiple, Big Prizes plus PUBLICATION. Every entry wins Gift Points. JULY Prompt up!
#1814391 by Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST

---
"Invalid Item" 
---
"No Rest " 
---
Michael Thundersbeard
Artist, Writer, Father, Factory Worker.
http://www.lifeandothertragedies.com
(and husband too!)
46
46
Rated: E | (4.5)
One of the best Dear Me entries I've read. Well executed and you certainly maintained the style for the whole piece. Is procastication actually a word though? You have me doubting it is not, it certainly sounds likes one! Or are you more of a George Bush Jnr type of Published Author Elect, with a prospensity to mangle a few choice words and phrases here and there?

Perhaps, in your campaigning to become a published author you could drop by this here little writing prompt competition I have running. Give a speech, kiss a book, try not to get assassinated. That kind of thing.

There are big prizes, including a slot in an ebook collection featuring all the winning entries PLUS each included author gets to include a non-prompt piece of writing as well.

Februarys Detailed Writing Prompt is an easy ride along a slow highway. Just watch out for that gang of bikies screaming up behind you, crowding your rear view mirror and breathing down your neck. Better hit the gas, cowboy!

The Big Bang

Start your story with a dramatic event that grabs the interest of your readers. For example a murder, a car crash, an explosion, a relationship break-up. The opening event will then provide a launching point for you to introduce your characters, who will go on to face new complications arising from the original event.

An advantage of this approach is that it is immediately captivating and it allows you to introduce your characters in a situation of high stress, which will reveal a great deal about who they are.

A challenge is that you may then face an early anti-climax if you are not careful.

If it helps you get started, here are some character prompts. You don't have to use all of these characters, or even any of them. Totally optional. People seem to like the character prompts as well as the setting prompts so I'll try to include them each month. This month I have given the character prompts a supernatural feel in keeping with much of the paranormal action-adventure/romance stories here on WDC.

THE CHARACTERS:

DEJUAN VILLEGAS. An undead baron, a locket with a commoner's picture on it gives Dejuan a mysterious appearance. His cold blue eyes scan the area from beneath messy black hair. He has a long scar over his eyes and a penchant for body bandages.
Dejuan uses brute force to protect what is important to him and cuts corners and commits small crimes whenever he can get away with it.

DIAMOND SWEET. Diamond has messy, combed back orange hair and shimmering hazel eyes. He has a haughty gaze and a frenzied look in his eyes. He wears a swashbuckers shirt and breeches and speaks plainly. Whenever the moon is waning, Diamonds vision begins rapidly failing. He is a werewolf. His drive to create a perfect society borders on madness but his good will is apparent in everything he does.

SAVANNA SARAH CRUZ. The untrustworthy-looking Savanna wears a pirate captains coat. Savanna's destructive spirit manifests in her tendency to use intimidation over diplomacy, and to solve problems with force rather then forethought. Savanna is a seer and by taking a deep swig of wine she can sense the locations of all nearby magical forces. Though sometimes coarse and harsh, Savanna truly has everyone's best interest at heart. The pirate captain's coat hides the effects of a curse where her skin has become repulsive to anyone who desires her.

DR ELDERS. The foppish looking Dr Elders wears a school uniform. He too is a bearer of much angst and is secretly responsible for the death of hundreds. His love of order is displayed by his stark organisational skills and in order to resurrect his dead brother, Dr Elders will literally do anything. When badly wounded, Dr Elder automatically invokes the secret force FLARECHILD'S GLORY and can speak, read and understand the language of light-aligned supernatural creatures.

---


For writers this will be an interesting challenge as by it's nature you will have certain elements dictated to you restricting freedom of choice. But on the other hand, that overwhelming sense of "where do I begin." will be missing thus freeing you to WRITE.

For readers and reviewers, it will be a great chance to compare writing styles and structures with similar elements and frameworks.

Hope to see you in the forum, and I hope to read your entry there too!

Good luck with your campaign!

--
The Detailed Writing Prompt Comp  (E)
Multiple, Big Prizes plus PUBLICATION. Every entry wins Gift Points. JULY Prompt up!
#1814391 by Thundersbeard 30DBC JULY HOST

---
"Invalid Item" 
---
"No Rest " 
---
Michael Thundersbeard
Artist, Writer, Father, Factory Worker.
http://www.lifeandothertragedies.com
(and husband too!)
47
47
Rated: E | (5.0)
If you're rewriting the prequels, why have the clone wars at all?

The point of the prequels was to explain 2 things.

1. Where did all the Jedi go? (said in doofus voice if you like)
2. How did Luke's dad get so bad.

You could have a great martial arts movie a la kill bill or crouching tiger, hidden dragon with a lone sith assassin taking out the Jedi, one-by-one. Anakin tries to stop HER but falls in love. She has the babies but the other Jedi take the babies and kill the miss us. In fact, Ben kills the missus.

anakin joins the empire for 2 reasons: to get his babies back. Both of them.

Or to add some more depth, Anakin is with the Princess and impregnated her (George Lucas wants a skywalker royal dynasty remember) then cheats on her with the lone sigh assassin. The Jedi punish him by killing his new love, banishing him from his children's hands and breaking his hands so he can't hold a light saber.

Or

What if the lone sith assassin is Luke's father. They don't have an affair though. That's the black market version ;)
He finally finds his own dad, they have a big moment, and Ben and the other Jedis come and kill the dad and banish Anakin from his kids lives (he's tainted by his sith blood, or something suitably racist.)

You should make this a forum so we can all discuss this betterer.
48
48
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
That's superb. Love that second stanza. There's not an uncomfortable word or phrase in this poem, it was a pleasure to read.
49
49
Rated: E | (4.5)
Not that funny but very well written. Are "Israeli" and "Terrorist" traits? Or are they just facts?

Great set-up and I couldn't stop reading until the end. I would have liked a better pay off though then the throwaway line you used.
50
50
Rated: E | (5.0)
These paintings are amazing! They would look great illustrating a fantasy ebook. You should totally offer your services in that manner.

Are they digital paintings?
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