I am reviewing these lines of prose for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on this cheerful occasion.
Have a wonderful day!
You have described your love's face and features in an appealing manner.
Imagery is crystal clear because it is visual.
"His eyes are blue like sea when moonlight shines on the surface."
Great to know you have fulfilled your dream of love by finding the right person.
Here are a few edits if you like.
Your lines-
"when he kiss me I'am under his spell. When I look at his face i know no harm shall come for his love well protect me, because to me he is the face of love."
"when he kiss.."
(when he kisses...)
Third person singular verb in simple present tense, needs -es or -s, like he watches, she studies, he runs, she eats etc.
"I'am"
(I'm)
I'm is a contraction of "I am".
"i know no harm"
(I know no harm)
Capitalization of first person singular i.e. I, is compulsory, wherever you use it.
"his love well protect me,"
(his love will protect me)
or
(his love well protects me)
Life's lesson is convincingly conveyed in this rhyming verse.
Nobody wants solace offered by a person, whose motives are not genuine, whose feelings are not natural.
"Don’t talk to me at my lowest point
with false comfort and platitudes"
A woman's heart can recognize the well-wisher, the true lover.
It shows the hidden truth that if you cry, you cry alone. None can truly pacify the pain in heart.
The most important observation made by the poet is that dependence in any single way makes you weak. Doing things independently increases confidence and courage.
"But I've made note of a valuable point:
I need only depend on me."
I am glad I picked this descriptive piece of writing from your interesting portfolio.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations as you ring in another creative year at the WDC.
Have a great day.
Written from boy's point of view, presumably a teenager, this story packs information about the cows and bull. A single bull among a herd of cows noticed the red pants worn by this casual guy.
The leisurely scenario of the peacefully grazing cattle is brought to my mind's eye with ease.
Fear and tension are well created in him.
Hopefully, he beats racing bull in his attempt to save his skin.
this nonfiction gives an insight into the workings of a teen's mind. It is a descriptive narrative showing the way in which the writer gained a girlfriend.
The subtitles make it easy for the reader to understand the events described in each section.
However, this technique makes the story more of an essay rather than a story.
The story needs revision with regard to punctuation and sentence construction.
A few helpful edits if you like.
"At first this was just super weird.'
(At first, this was just super weird.)
"I started to look at her differently, she was just started to get annoying to me, ..."
To retain clarity, this sentence could be broken into two.
(I started to look at her differently. I noticed that she was getting annoyed with me,)
There are several long sentences, which could be broken into two or more.
" reminicize on whats happened"
(reminisce about what has happened)
" anyway i wrote this because..."
(Anyway, I wrote this because...)
It reflects the thoughts and feelings of a teenager.
You do write like one.
I saw this ghost story in this week's Short stories Newletter. This is a deserving mention.
You created a haunting atmosphere in the woods. The ambiance is right. The friends' quest was fulfilled. Great!
What I liked-
The mist. Curling around and catching the person in its web of gossamer delicacy, is beyond doubt, a winning point.
Appearance of the girl on a swing with a musical locket on, is something I could clearly conceive.
The bad guys are dealt with, in a deserving manner. His aim of the chase being,
"The thrill of the chase, the intoxication of flirting.." Fond of ax murdering too.
"Theo and Jake’s gazes met briefly in silent understanding. Then, with a mutual nod, they lunged forward."
The wages of sin being death, the girl's ghost on the swing did the right thing, by delivering poetic justice.
Alliteration-
It slipped into the story several times quite spontaneously. It lends a poetic flavor to the story.
"Tendrils of fog, seeming sentient in their sinuous movement, slithered ..."
You told an appealing tale beginning with a sentence that hooks the reader.
My thoughts-
The warning is repeated.
" “Mara is the lucky one. I let her go. I won’t do the same for you…”
" “I told you. Mara was the lucky one. I let her go. I’ll never do the same for you…”
A suggestion-
The second line might be just
"Mara was the lucky one."
The setting and the characters carved along lines of Victorian age, succeeded in capturing my imagination.
Modelled like the trend-setting novels of Jane Austen, Chapter 1 is a precursor to the events to follow. Here again, you are letting my imagination take to wings.
Characters-
Though they appear to be stock characters, they certainly exhibit minds of their own.
Lady Henry is critical, yet there’s sense in the points she made.
Mary and Juliet are interesting in their individual idiosyncrasies, I believe.
Mr. Green is a closed book except for certain expected behaviour, such as bearing with the company he sought and being pleased after a while. A normal human being.
Language and style are impressively Victorian. Manners, habits and rules of civility are beautifully shown.
“Mary set her fork down……. she murmured.”
You have brought in the atmosphere of a Victorian soiree in a telling way.
I found this poem on the sideline of a Newsletter. It appealed to me because it is significant and relevant to all.
What I like-
is the way you have juxtaposed youth and later stages. You brought out the physical differences and then the underlying advantages of being an aged person.
Imagery-
Images of youth and age are shown vividly.
"In days of youth, we danced with boundless glee,"
as opposed to,
"Upon our brows, it paints its fine lines deep,"
The ABAB rhyme scheme and the tempo are well maintained throughout the poem.
This poem serves to console those, who regret becoming old and slow. None can reverse the wheel of time.
The sooner we realize, the better our lives are.
Love knows no boundaries. Even in death he remembered the beautiful moments of autumn that his wife reminded him of.
His mind and soul must have experienced peace and tranquility of autumn in the lap of nature as she rests.
Hi As***a,
I am Jaya, reviewing this rare story of love told in a chain of memories. Memories are like precious bonds between the living and the departed.
"Those wild walks though the autumn woods?"
This story runs like a poem with visual imagery, imagination and spontaneous memories recollected in later life.
Fifty years of marital bond blown away by the breeze of death. How much pain one can bear by losing life partner to suddenly standing lonely and lost. A fistful of heart bears anything.
A beautiful poem on marriage and the bonding together through the thick and thin of life for an incredible fifty years.
It also shows the way a couple should live to love and depart when time arrives.
Nobody knows the whereabouts of the departed. Suffering lasts till the end of life.
Wonderful imagery showing the joyous moments in time.
This is all that matters. Drive and enthusiasm with hope as a dominant note into the symphony of life.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations! as you ring in another year of creativity into your account.
Have a wonderful day!
I realize how important it is to live with hope under all circumstances, because life is not a bed of roses alone. It includes unforeseen or expected adversities.
The moment we look at them as stepping stones to success, life becomes much easier than before.
Hope is a great breakfast, a great lunch and dinner as well. Let's hang on to it come what may.
Wonderful!
I realize the benefits of having English-teaching parents. True, it's their fault if you read and write meticulously.
My review here is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a cheerful day.
I am glad you have incorporated a short grammar lesson into the essay. I see the reason. With a mother like her, you are assured of flawless use of language both spoken and written. Few follow rules of language while speaking, as I have noted.
(You see, English is taught as a second language for us, in India. So, the teachers are strict about tenses and subject-verb agreement etc.)
There is just one point that troubles me a bit.
"When I was in 12th grade, I discovered that Mom had incorporated some of my high school research papers into her teaching curriculum."
Love of a woman is love for a lifetime is well enunciated in this short but purposeful free style verse.
It's a lucky man who gets the true love of a woman devoted beyond the present. As the stages of life progress and change, so are the shades of love that stretch on to forever.
"That soars above the surface of self.."
Imagery is easily a point to be noted as do the sentiments voiced with emphasis.
The poet makes others aware of the deep bond of love, possible if only he tries to understand.
like a smile that reaches out, your article touches my heart.
My review of this useful article is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on ushering in yet another creative year at the WDC.
Have a lovely day!
Smiling suits everyone, for it spreads beauty and cheer. Even while going through difficult situations, a smile goes a long way relieving the tension in the sufferer.
As happened with the lady with a scar, a smile brings unexpected beauty and brightness to the face.
Written in a flowing prose style with a language that captures my attention, this article will stay on mind for a long time.
Actually, you don't hate but love commas. Humor at its driest. Loved the way you handled it.
Hi, I am Jaya reviewing this nice piece of writing for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations as you step on another year at the WDC.
Have a wonderful day!
The mock dialog is an eye opener for many of us, who get confused when it comes to the use of commas.
"Grammarly: If you don’t put them in, I will redline every word you say from now on!"
I am afraid I have had my own numberless redlines.
I see that how important a part, a comma plays in writing. Almost like a backbone.
I am totally taken by this rhymed verse.
The poet, faithful to the Lord she believes in, surrenders herself to Him.
In times trouble, she leans on him because she feels that He alone can deliver her from it.
He is like the master that leads her in the right direction on the path of life.
She visualises Him as kind and tender-hearted and not cruel or wrathful.
The devotee is seen through visual imagery as kneeling, absorbed in prayer.
This poem depicts the confession of true feelings to the Almighty.
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