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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/action/view/entry_id/993622
Rated: 13+ · Book · Personal · #982524
Online journal capturing the moment and the memory of moments. A meadow meditation.
#993622 added September 18, 2020 at 12:50am
Restrictions: None
[Scribbles on paper] A tanka [227]
Obviously, I'm thinking about Oriental Poetry and Tinker and concrete_angel, WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 and all the others!

"I think I've written too much maybe... and then I write more. Six months of going nowhere... even my Muse wants to travel."

Above comment I left for SusanFarmer in her blog "Journeys She's responding to the 30dbc prompts with senryu.

So my response above was 29 syllables ... easier to expand to 31 then clip to 17.

[scribbles on paper]

scribbles on paper
snail-etched — now black swans racing
across a blank screen

six months of going nowhere —
even my Muse craves travel

© Kåre Enga [177.227] (16.september.2020)


So I write a tanka (English syllables 5/7/5 7/7). Concrete images in the first part; a response in the second. "Screen" is a modern word. "Sky" would be too cliche imho. If an image of a computer screen were used then "sky" would be better. See: haiga, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiga

Further notes gleaned from the internet:

http://abritishprofinjapan.blogspot.com/2017/06/rain-snails-Japanese-animal-name...

Snail is "katatsumuri (カタツムリ), is usually written in katakana but does have kanji (蝸牛)."
https://wkdkigodatabase03.blogspot.com/2007/03/snail-katatsumuri.html
Perhaps an image of rainy season? (summer = May, June, July)

Black swan = hakuchoo (any season)

Seasonal words (kigo): http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/500ESWd.html

Also: https://youngleaves.org/?page_id=98
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_kigo
https://worldkigodatabase.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-12-29T03:50:00%2B...
104,591





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