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 |   A terminal for all blogs coming in or going out. A view into my life. |
For "Welcome To My Reality Forum"  by Sunny  . Answered prompts must be posted in one entry by October 30 so I'll have to gather them like Carly did. The prompts this month are a literal mindfield for my traumas. 44. Are you often disappointed with life? Always. If this was what I signed up for then maybe I deserve all the grief I've gotten. Otherwise, life has had some real s***ty moments. There are reasons why Death doesn't scare me like it does some folks. After-all, "is this all there is"? 45. Do the changing seasons affect your emotions? Why do you think that is? Absolutely. 1. the amount of sunshine. Too little depresses me; too much and I'm manic. 2. I don't like severe heat or cold. I am listless with heat and just want to sleep with the cold. 3. I'm best in Spring and Autumn due to the milder temps and half-day light. I also do better in winter in tropical climes. And suprisingly in summer as well. I'm best in a place like Costa Rica in January and July. 46. What do you like to do to relax and wind down? I used to garden a lot and read a lot. I hardly do either these days although I did some repotting yesterday. I like taking long warm/hot baths, replacing the water when it cools. A book and a bath would be great tonight.  When I travel I love chatting with fellow travelers. And a slow walk helps. 47. Are you easily overwhelmed? Always. I have bad nerves and my traumas are easily triggered. "High Anxiety" would be the name of my emo-rock-band. I have little emotional support these days and that does not help. I don't have writer's-block but I do have cleaner's-block. 48. Is there anything in your life that makes you ashamed? Do you really think I'm going to answer this? Yes. I was raised with 'don'ts', secrets and shame. No... it isn't healthy for me to dwell on them nor reveal them to anyone. As in ... anyone. My secrets might kill me in the end but until then... 49. Are you a nervous person? Why do you think that is? Hmm... if you've read this far and don't know, get a clue! Very. There are some things that do not bother me. Like flying. I'm fine once I'm in my seat. Missing a flight? Sheer anxiety. But why am I nervous? Childhood experience of poor self-image, poor self-worth, little teaching of how/what to 'do' as opposed to 'don't'. My confidence was shattered at an early age. Any criticism slices to the bone. 50. What makes you nervous? Room inspection last week. They were checking the walls for the old plaster cracks before they started work on the bridge. Odd noises. I don't sleep well. Odd knocks on the door. Odd phone calls. Odd letters in the mail... Whole bunches of fear related to housing, and people in the past who wished me ill. 51. Do you feel you lack courage? What do you wish you had the courage to do? I have traveled to 43 countries. Moved away from home. Lived in another country. Had a gun once to my head (so he said); cool as a cucumber. But "I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me." That's a real problem. October 11th is also "Coming Out Day" so the above seems appropriate. Used in "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" in the Australian film of the 1990s. 3.025 |
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