Porthole

Staying alive?

For:

FORUM

Space Blog  (ASR) Cruising WDC cyberspace and raiding ports for blog prompts! #2223838 by Sharmelle's Expressions

"Locomotive Days"   [13+] by Bruce.

Mini-review: I really love the first verse where the long lines (of about 14 syllables) suit the rhythm. The end rhyme aa, bb, ... is fine as well. But... the second verse doesn't follow the first... and is jarring to my ear. The third resembles the first with long rhythmic lines of 4-4-x. I understand and appreciate the humor of the last line. Unfortunately the change of rhythm does not please my ear. It's a story poem imho, and as a story works well. I was pulled into it. Maybe in slightly different poetic or prose form it would work better. At 11 years old 'it is what it is'. I give it a 4.2 due to its inconsistencies.

Prompt: The character in this poem is a locomotive engineer. What do you do for a living?"

I don't.

I stay alive by living under my means. I stay alive by staying in touch; connections are important to me. I stay alive by traveling, as movement is life.

I stay alive choo choo... I'm still alive choo choo... Alive choo choo choo choo... choo choo choo choo choo choo.

3.386