Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

Just over a week ago I finished weaning myself off this insidious drug. Knowing and fearing what cold turkey was like from previous attempts to stop using, I made my last half gram last me for three weeks...where in the midst of my addiction, half a gram would be one hour of use...but still, the psychological side still has to be taken seriously...and I am taking this attempt very seriously as it may very well be my last.

People talk about the possibility of dying from their drug use, and to those addicted to opioids, this is always a risk each and every time they use. But, to a meth user, this is not generally the case, and it can take years of abusing to get to the point where their lives are at serious risk of ending...and, unfortunately, this is the reality that I face.

I have always loved the TV show 'Deadliest Catch', and Nick McGlashan was one of my favourite characters because of his well-publisised drugs use...he was a hero to me and the fact that the reason he is no longer with us is due to his choice to use drugs, was a real wake-up call for me...he was stronger than most men, he had a heart of gold...he was loved by all who knew him and if not for his addiction, would still be deck boss on Summer Bay. The fact that he was my hero because of his drug use, and now he is gone because of it makes me realise just how foolish we all are who think drug use is cool or fun because it is neither of these things...it is dangerous, and gives little in return for the sacrifice we must make to maintain our habit.

Nick was my hero, but now, I want to be my own hero, to beat this addiction that Nick couldn't, would to me be a testament...in honour of him and for his families loss, I wanna live...not for Nick per se, but for myself...but in honour of Nick McGlashan...one of the best damn fishermen on the Bering Sea.

I have been addicted to methamphetamines for around thirty to forty years...addiction is something that is not set in concrete and cannot really be measured in years... it's fluid. Over the timeline of my use, and during these years, there have been times where I may have gone for one or even two years without touching meth...yet, thinking back, there was always something which I used to replace the meth with...pot was my staple drug growing up, and it was only once I was given the opportunity to treat my Hep C, that I took this drug addiction business seriously and decided that Marijuana was something that might interfere with the treatment, and so, around 2016, I quit using pot.

A great achievement considering I had smoked it since I was twelve years old, but this was also when my meth use spiralled out of control...and part of the reason was that the Hepatitis was cured, and with no liver damage (as miraculous as that is, considering I contracted the virus as a fourteen-year-old) in my mind, it gave me free rein to abuse myself with, what became my poison of choice, methamphetamine.

I know what I must do...lose any pride I may have left after hitting rock bottom...lean on whoever is available and kind enough to show some faith in me that this time, I mean business...to seek professional counselling and know that on my own, I am destined to fail...exercise is my key to getting where I want to be...I have let myself down, I have let my family down, my kids, who I haven't seen in four years, I feel the most guilt over and that guilt, while being my shame, can also be my strength...knowing that eventually, if I can be successful and rid myself of this drug, will bring them back to me...that is my hope and my dream...and lastly, to find love again...I am worthy of being loved, and I have so much love to give after being isolated by my addiction for so long.

Many steps, but only one at a time...today, I will not use, tomorrow, I live in hope, and that's all I can do to bring me all that I want from a future I never thought I had.