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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| My training has hit overdrive—multiple daily sessions...swimming, weights and walking. My diet, since arriving in Thailand, has improved exponentially. No bread or butter. No oil or salt (other than if I eat out) and plenty of fruit and veg. Despite adding lean body tissue to my frame, I've lost over two kilos in a month. I now have a one-pack, with another five to go. I'm enjoying the work I'm putting in and especially the results. There's a long way to go. The hardest thing to get my head around is the ongoingness of training. It's difficult to remain motivated and get out there and train every day. For me, it's all about routine. If I can persevere for a week or two, then it becomes easier to keep it up. All it takes is a few lazy days that can easily lead to a week or two. Then a week or two can lead to a month...and so on. I'm surprised at how quickly I have bounced back from the Covid infection. I can still feel the lingering effects deep in my chest. When I am swimming laps and begin to breathe more deeply, I can hear a slight wheeze in my lungs. I will also cough up some phlegm between sets, but overall, I'm happy with my recovery. My general health has improved significantly since I left Australia...mostly because I no longer use methamphetamine. If it weren't for the persistent symptoms of psychosis, I would say I have made a miracle recovery. Ten days until I go to see a doctor about it. I am loath to take prescription drugs, but I am willing to do this if it helps get rid of these demonic hallucinations. I'm thankful I only see them at night and that for the most part, they don't bother me much. I don't hear voices, and the truth is, if not for my curiosity and stupidity in engaging with them, 90% of the time I wouldn't be aware of the eyes that answer my questions with a yes or no. I'm hopeful that by taking the lowest dosage of antipsychotic drugs that still affect the hallucinations and make them disappear, in time, I can be weaned off them and return to a normal life. I have been researching the topic of drug-induced (meth) psychosis and it can persist for over a year after discontinuing use. This means I may still have a while to go. In any case, I will be under the supervision of a medical professional and I will follow orders to the letter. At first (and even for some time after the symptoms appeared), I treated the whole thing lightly. I had no idea then that I would find myself in the position I am in now...with no way of controlling the psychosis other than through medication. I thought that once I stopped using meth and returned to normal sleep patterns (as had happened in the past), the symptoms would soon disappear. I wish I had been more aware of the long-term effects that meth psychosis can cause. Even now, whilst writing this, the delusional belief that this thing is real persists. And as bad as this sounds, I would rather have an ongoing but treatable mental illness than have this thing...this entity, become my reality. It's going to be a long ten days. Angel has been nice to me for the last day or two, and that's not a good thing (my knee has been hurting from all the training and when I ask her for pain relief, it instantly stops hurting). She doesn't want me to attend my appointment and that makes perfect sense. Even if she remains, hopefully, I won't be aware of her. And if she is real, this will cause her issues because I am her only focus. |
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