TRUTH Vigilante: Ew, Icky. How Gross?

After I Shattered, Journey to Glue

it's never you
never been about you
since you haven't been around
as long as me to revisit the wreckage
i leave in my wake, reinventing, recreating
every horror unto myself, non-conformist entering
many realms not that unsimilar to the former reality.
you draw your words on pages blazing like torches,
envision two-sided words, sharp drawn from my chest.
know that i know it's never your intent to wield weapons
hefted from a tomb dictionary just as easily flung at my head.
know i live in dread there is one of you who wants to undo
all the years of climbing through a clutter called society
to apex somewhere, a precipice where shouts are heard
and echo in valleys below my unformed beliefs, hoping
just one will understand, climb my summit, be my dali,
because i search in the oddest place, utmost outposts
seeking what has always laid before me, undiscovered,
unbelievable to consider comprehension of known fact.
testimonials, the true evidence of what i daily seek,
a mirror that reflects the perfect image of myself
will bring a fool to knee sobbing, hoping you lay
a healing hand on my shoulder and bring me up
and out of a waded river, deliver to my flesh
utterly, completely, give back a wealth of me
to one, or a multitude, that would have me --
a shattered soul, recollected and losing
every fragment relocated, but unglued,
boxed and shelved and labeled, hoping
thoughts form crystallized words
to reform me before I wake.
another morning alone.
It's never been you.
It's about me,
death near.


4.6.23
4.9.23 edited for punctuation, clarity and yet...

this is free association with no predilection for outcome and yet revealed without fear someone see the inner workings of someone who knows this is not insanity but humanity in the mirror.