TRUTH Vigilante: Ew, Icky. How Gross?

going nowhere

Unedited....
I swear
I'd know poetry if it slapped me in the face

I'm not always the beautiful mind
portals pushed wide by wild winds
swirl, spin and slam that door shut
flat face expressionless folds up

Ignorance was a paddle to extremities
exposed to the angry trustee
of my emotional well being
trying to get through a day without breaking your unknowable rules
until red from the other side of lumber
swung stinging not only flesh
but a fresh mind, jumbled, disarrayed
and visions of beauty decayed

Never realized this rot in my bed
could one day inspire nature revitalized.

I tote this bag of manure through a garden of words
sprout sentences cultivated in their rows
the sweet tubers and gourds arrive late
tasty fruit all summer

I swear
I'd know poetry if it slapped me in the face
Parts of me have been numb since I thought I was dumb
before the excuse, that was youth
you're a big man now?
Where is that disconnect, the tiny wires rigged
to set off the little eruptions
the little interruptions that I could spend
several hours in a mind's wasteland
no excuses for the expiring clock
spinning faster on a dull wall

puzzled faces great my flat face
monotone voice wants to project what it feels
doesn't know what you'll make of all this
since I can't set anything right
if conditioned to feel shame, remorse
and resulting regret from manipulation
meant to take control of a wild spirit
who'd...what? What was wrong with a young man
with passion that wanted to explore
things other than the inside of her vagina
with a flesh tool kept in my pants, because
I was too afraid, and so captured, and
couldn't conceive what love was all about
I just needed someone to remind me I was alright
I was right to pursue my dreams even if
I'd fall flat on my face. They said don't
So, I never tried. Lowered expectations
and hung around the sideline watching 'heroes'
who were as close to zeroes like me because
they were scared into trying to be someone
when they didn't have the same passions,
visions for their futures their trustees
need to capture, because why? Why do they fail
to raise us, fail at their own dreams of life?

So, here I am, self-corrected and sorry
if I'm a little gun shy because I've been on the other side.

4.7.23

tune back in from time to time to see me mold my marble block, if it's at all possible