My Conversion Story Journal

June 18, 2023

I went to my dad's house for the weekend. I was able to see my sister T for the first time in over 15 years. It was wonderful to be able to see her and love on her. She has no problem with my conversion since she knows our brother is a messianic Jew (not that I understand how that can even possible). It was my dad that surprised me. He doesn't care that I'm converting, but not eating meat and dairy together was over the line (I wouldn't eat Hamburger Helper). "That is old testament. Jess died on the cross so we are under a new covenant." When he said that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and I replied, "or for taxes. Those darn Romans." I expected an argument. Apparently not believing in Jesus is okay, but not eating Hamburger Helper went too far. It was sweet that my sister stood up for me, but I have to laugh a little. I mean, priorities?

I did well with my morning and evening prayers for the first time. I bought a pocket prayer book that I keep in my purse since I am rarely home to eat. I shouldn't have a problem benching now. I just need the bruchas printed now. I've been using an online site, but having them in my hands like the after meals prayer would be ideal. My other books came in too. To Pray as a Jew by Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin. I'm hoping this one will help me since being a woman seems to be the condition to not have to do certain things, but requires you to lead in others. I want to get it right. The Sabbath by Abraham Joshua Heschel. Going Kosher in 30 Days by Rabbi Zalman Goldstein. This book does have all the blessing (bruchas) written as well as so much great information. I can't wait to get to day 2. My new Hebre-English Tanakh. I actually stopped using my bible a while ago after I threw it across the room. I've been using the Sefaria app, but that is not practical to use during a zoom call and because I work with technology every day, a printed copy was very much needed. I will also be able to start my study of Isaiah again. Chapter 15, here I come. Lastly, I'm excited to start reading Wisdom to Heal the Earth by Tzvi Freeman at work after finish the book All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. I've been obsessed with realistic fiction, especially about WWII, but Jewish wisdom is life changing. I've peeked through the book already and am so excited to read more. I get daily wisdom emails from Tzvi Freeman (Through Chabad) and love how reading tha small dose of Jewish wisdom each day fills another notch of joy in my soul. Jewish wisdom is one of the turning points for me towards my final decision to convert so this book will always hold a special place in my heart. I wish I could remember the book that convinced me that it was time to study Hebrew (a book of Jewish wisdom only written in Hebrew) but I can't remember the title or the author. I'm sure one day Hashem will put it back into my hands when He knows I am ready for it.

My Hebrew class is about to start.

Hebrew Conversation (Unit 1) $ 30
Easy Hebrew Method (Unit 1) $60

I finished my Hebrew lesson. I restarted Hebrew conversation 1.1 and learned new things. I always do with GZ. He asked me to join his Easy Hebrew Method class right after because only one guy showed up. It was the same lesson from last week and I remembered almost nothing from it. I understand why he wanted me to start all over. It's a bit frustrating, but I know I've some progress. Time to pray and get some rest. 5 am comes fast!