My Conversion Story Journal

July 25, 2023

I crave the time to learn more each day. I get exhausted from the amount of reading, the studying of Hebrew, the zoom classes on laws, theology, holy living, and wisdom, but I don't want to go to sleep. I want more. It's like a craving for chocolate cake your whole life and you finally taste your first crumb, then get a small bite, then a tiny piece. You want the whole cake and to be able to bake more! I have never felt more like myself than I do when I speak in Hebrew, when I learn a new pearl of wisdom, when I read something that makes complete sense logically and can apply it or have already been applying it without knowing, when I pray or say a brucha, or when I perform a ritual. It's like a piece of my soul has been dorment and crying out to be awoken and released, but I have held it captive by trying to fit in with what I knew from my childhood and what those around me did and believed. A part of me always knew what I should do and who I should become. I'm just wondering why I waited so long to start becoming whole.