Porthole

Week 24 of the Year 180.

(exercise) = Exor. (observations) = obsv. (s***,shave,shower) = ss&s. (read something) = read. (comment blogs) = bogs. (BoyLove series on-line) = ytBL. (Thai TV BL series on GMMTV25) = tv25. (write poetry or prose) = PorP. (take a daily walk) = walk. (buy something) = shop. (take a photo) = foto. (video) = วิดีโอ. (speak Thai/Lao) = pôod. (learn Thai) Thai. (go-into-the-water) = pool. (clothes) = wash. (cook something) = cook. (tidy up) = mess. (travel) = trip. (noon) = เที่ยง. (talking to ex-pats/travelers/strangers in European) = chat. (Thai teaching book) = book. (hand-/ journal) = jour. (contests) = test.

3 กันยายน 2566 = 3 september 2023

To do: 1. Continue talking with Pan to straighten things out. 2. Make decision about bank. 3. Make decision about phone/chromebook (I could use tablet/cameras) 4. finalize my flights. 5. seriously check flights coming back.

I couldn't do anything all day long except buy my train ticket. I did speak to Pan and got a hug; but, I'm still upset.

I need to write to this when I get a chance: "Enjoy the Ride"  by Anni Pon .

exor. 400/200/200/400 = 1200. 79 degrees, pleasant. Must've sprinkled over night.
ss&s.
trip. Train ticket bought. Car 3 seat 16.
walk. Saw Vigo.
pôod. chat.
blog. Serious meltdown today my blog entry only touches on the hurt: "Giving up..." 

Iceland re abortion: "Olafsdottir responded, "We don't look at abortion as a murder. We look at it as a thing that we ended. We ended a possible life that may have had a huge complication... preventing suffering for the child and for the family. And I think that is more right than seeing it as a murder -- that's so black and white. Life isn't black and white. Life is grey."

K Dramas (Crash Landing on You):

If you want a lengthy thriller to get lost in … Little Women (12 episodes)

If you want a snackable legal procedural with heart … Extraordinary Attorney Woo (16 episodes)

If you want to cry and cry and cry … Thirty-Nine (12 episodes)

If you want to be awash in nostalgia … Our Beloved Summer (16 episodes) and Twenty-Five Twenty-One (16 episodes)

If you want to breeze through something silly … Business Proposal (12 episodes)

If you want your zombies with a dash of historical political intrigue … Kingdom (12 episodes)

CWTCH: I could give you a hug; but, would you lean into me, could you feel safe?

2 กันยายน 2566 = 2 september 2023

I woke up at a decent hour... still no energy. I will try to accomplish some of my tasks today: 1. prepack. progress! 2. buy suitcase. 3. talk with Pan about his fears and plans (very important). Some progress. 4. make decisions about phone and chromebook (do I just leave them?). 5. charge tablet and cameras.

ss&s.
เที่ยง. A few minutes before noon. 32°C 89°F; Precipitation: 10%; Humidity: 68%; Wind: 13 km/h. Now 90 with a predicted high of 91.
walk.
e chat. pôod. Pear... now connected on FB.
exor. 200/100/200/200 = 700 around 84 degrees at 20:30. Warm and very late.
tv25. Only Friendsyou
bogs. Neil/Spacefaction/Mouse

Smile!

To Neil in "Birds of a Feather" : "I remember my friends wanting me to drink or smoke. I now understand that they just wanted me to join in the 'fun' so they wouldn't be alone. BUT... it was never my definition of fun. Same with high-school. They were inviting me to join them. BUT... I never was good in joining groups. Even here at WdC... I'm a party-pooper. I feel uncomfortable. I'd rather be left alone."

To Mouse in "Invalid Entry" : "I knew someone in Tulsa who wrote here... long ago. once I joined I got the support that you mentioned. It made a difference. I was homeless and penniless at the time. Folks here were understanding. One even sent me an 'extra' computer. It was right out of the box. What a gift, Bruce!

Most of those people have moved on, living or dead.

I was at the 'upgraded' level for a long time. It just became part of my budget. Even now, at a higher level I don't complain. It's not like I'm not eating or don't have a place to sleep. I've been there, done that.

Y'know... the internet was a godsend for some of us. I'm connected with so many people from so many places and here at WdC with so many different kinds of writers.

I'd be lonelier than I am without it."

1 กันยายน 2566 = 1 september 2023

exor. 200/100/200/300 = 800 at 09:35: 84 degrees.
obsv. yellow bell flower and a triplet of violet flowers that missed the grim reapers who maintain the shrubbery. swallowtail, strutting mynas.
ss&s.
walk. Saw luggage for Pan. No new screen for my phone.
foto.
pôod. chat. Pim, David.
bogs. Thing/Adherennium/Brian
tv25. Dangerous Romance
trip. reservations at Pinto. Pan is ill so little input from him.
midnight 26°F 79°C; Precipitation: 71%; Humidity: 91%; Wind: 3 km/h

Haley has a point: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/haley-the-senate-is-the-most-privileged-...

To Bryan {huser:ripglaedr3 in "The Wall Called You" : "Hard to care about walls. You can only hug them, plant seeds on them, water them... for so long. Seasons, decades, lifetimes... if necessary. Paint will stick... until it fades or washes away. It takes a long time in Montana to erase the ghost ads on brick buildings. But does the wall care? I've never heard one speak."

To 4 provinces (Thing/Hooves) in "De-cluttering and Coping With Loss" : "My advice? (Doncha luv unsolicited sh*t? ) Get someone younger to help you that can crawl and fetch. I'm too old to be risking a fall. That said... I did have someone help me last Summer. Bry was a godsherenniumend. Just going through stuff and having her move things I couldn't (like a futon) made my life much better. We also talked which helped. Her wife has similar issues re clutter so she understood that what I was dealing with was overwhelming.

Boxes and books

A-ha moment? Like the group from Norway I saw in person circa 1986?"

To Adherennium: in "what do I want?"  "I want... a house surrounded by gardens." not exactly what I wrote for my 6th grade essay, but close. I was 12. I knew what I wanted. And in some ways I got that.

But I also wanted to know the world when I was 11.

These days... my goals have bite-size chewable objectives. Get up and do something... has been refined to write, read, exercise, walk, take photos. I'm learning the local language.

My goal? I don't want to die before I'm dead."

Peak Performance

31 สิงหาคม 2566 = 31 august 2023

News from Bengaluru: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/this-trans-woman-was-begging-on-india-s-str...

ss&s.
เที่ยง. sultry 88 degrees.
walk. Took Pan to get a massage. I walked around Nong Prajak.
foto. park, wat.
bogs. Hooves/Tim/Petra

To Fathertymme in "Three Score and Thirteen+ Day 13, "  "Yesss... I was starting to worry. The sad part of that? I'm spread thin. I get so easily overwhelmed that I don't always make the first effort to keep in touch.

As in... my brother-in-law died August 15th. I found out when I called my sister on the 22nd for her birthday (August 23rd). I don't forget my sister's b-day... I usually just forget to call.

And that's my life. At some point I just throw up my hands. It is what it is.

I'm having computer issues but I use my phone as a hot-spot so that works really well in Thailand. In Montana? We shall see. I may need to cut back and that's not all bad.

Glad to read about the eyes, the fish, and the garden."

To Hooves in "De-cluttering and Coping With Loss" : "I will clean here in Udon Thani before I leave next week. That way I'll 'find' stuff and won't have as much of a mess to come back to.

That said... Montana... I have two closets. I'm not sure what's hidden in their recesses; but, I need to go through at least one once I'm there. I only live in two rooms. It's amazing how much fits into a small place.

My problem is depression. I get overwhelmed... far too easily."

To Petra in "My heart is heavy" : "My mother lived on her own till age 97. But once she broke her leg... it was hard on her. She kept most of her marbles but she was happy staying among those that had memory-loss because "they were nice people". My mom aged nicely.

It's hard to move. I'm facing that issue at 71 and if I live to be 82 or older I may have to face it multiple times.

Thailand? Living with someone is a pain... but it's good for me. Yet, lonely without friends.
Montana? Living alone is not good for me. Friends? Define that...

I want to be in Kansas '76 or where-I-grew up '90 or Oklahoma '04 or even Montana '10. It's not like I don't try. I make connections with everyone... kinda..."

Journalism isn't dead... https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/how-unc-student-newspaper-s-emotional-front-pa...

exor. 200/100/200/300 = 800. It was 84 degrees from 19:30-19:45. Buggy and exhausting.
tv25. "Oh, My Boss" is interesting in that it's Japanese/Thai. The camera work is annoying.
test. "I looked towards home, a mere celestial speck dwarfed by the looming threat. I wept then leapt as I engaged my strapped-on thruster." for Da Hook. "The King of the North rode the black turtle accompanied by their pet dragon. They would bring peace... whether anyone was ready... or not." for Prompt Me.

I could 'work' but I'm feeling really weak. Midnight WDC is 11 am. here. Unfortunately, I have more on my plate than I can 'happily' handle.

30 สิงหาคม 2566 = 30 august 2023

10:00 ... Rain, 27°C 80°F, Precipitation: 90%, Humidity: 91%, Wind: 5 km/h

Thai. touch/cheap https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygv3-Q9RE0M
exor. 200/100/200/250 = 750. Sprinkles, breeze
obsv. wh-t- f--th-r, d--d l-z-rd, b-tt-rfl*, st-ff br--z-, -rch-ds bl--m-ng --t -f s--s-n.
ss&s.
เที่ยง. 82 degrees. Light and shadow with a damp breeze.
wash. This is important because I need to pack before I dirty anything I want to wear.
bogs. Muzzy/Charity/Steven
chat. pôod. Ping, Pear's sister, Nan, Rick. David.
walk.
shop. strawberry milk, bread, chips.
foto. full moon.
tv25. "Oh, my boss" Didn't interest me. "Wedding Plan" finale
test. "Not your problem"  to Seniors.

Responding to Annette (and thinking of {huser:demorm}) who reviewed "Not your problem"  for July's contest (No... I didn't win). "It was based on personal experience. Esfan in 1989; Gare in 2002. I grew up in a time and place that was very judgmental. Old German Lutheran/Catholics (the strict type) in a Mafia town (no joke). A very treacherous place.

I had very low self-esteem. I still struggle. My dad was laid-back. My mother was controlling. I wasn't allowed to speak to family or choose my friends. I smiled at every stranger like a lost puppy. That's part of it too.

Interesting that you mention combative... the bullying leads to anger, either internalized or outwardly expressed. I seldom felt safe in my community, at work nor with my family.

I didn't connect with the song. That's always an issue with random prompts not of my choosing."

To Charity: "Yes, I remember what you said years ago; but, you were focused on your daughter. Hard to make life choices when you're overwhelmed.

Strangers can see what family cannot. Or... you may be more willing to take the advice of strangers. Either way... congrats!

Mattress on the floor... done all over the world.

Hotel rooms have advantages but renting a condo works for me. It's much cheaper here in Thailand."

To Steven: "My writerings = my blog. I do try to do other things but exorcising, walking and chatting every day for physical, mental and emotional stability is also important. I do a bit of a lot of things.

I'll be traveling next week, so that will impact my routine (like... what routine...)."

Pan is still sick. He's also sweating, has a fever, drinking water but won't eat.

29 สิงหาคม 2566 = 29 august 2023

I woke up does that count? fuzzy headed. I need to do my exorcise, maybe think about rainbows today's BCoF prompt and try not to stress out about 1 week left to straighten out my future trips. I leave Thailand on September 8th because... that's when my flight is scheduled and must figure a way back a.s.a.p. I doubt I'll do much around WdC as i don't do birthdays I'll be busy.

exor. 300/200/200/500= 1200
obsv.
ss&s.
Thai. 'eeg' more/again/another https://youtu.be/TJUd236rk4k
เที่ยง. 26C 78F damp.
pôod. Saw P'Noy
walk. Bought two roses: pink, orange.
shop. chicken, spices, 2 potatoes.
pool. Not for long. Right calf was bothering me.
tv25. The Jungle
bogs. Elizabeth/Neil/Mouse

To mousethyme: "I pet a cat today. Wish I could have pets.

I have to remind Pan to take his meds. He's been ill. Today was day #4... hopefully he's better tomorrow.

I don't take any meds myself at the moment. Just as well..."

To Neil: "I tend to talk too much. That's a problem for everyone.

I need to leave next week, so I'm struggling to maintain some sanity. Pan has been ill, and that doesn't help.

Looked at return flights in early October."

To Elizabeth: "Summer... in the past I could have probably come up with a lot... but in Thailand the cool > hot > wet seasons are different and I have nothing that I miss because everything is new.

Highlight: trip to Laos, especially beautiful historic Luang Prabang.
Low: didn't get to the park in Chaiyaphum to see the rocks and flowers."

I looked up flights today. About 50,000 baht or $1,500 round trip. I need to make decisions and hopefully can tell Pan when I return before I leave.

28 สิงหาคม 2566 = 28 august 2023

exor. 200/100/200/200 = 700. Saw Tom. 82 degrees at 09:52. Shadows were shortening. Must exercise before 10 a.m.
obsv. Fragrance, breeze, bird with its beak in the scarlet ginger. pesky fly.
ss&s.
เที่ยง. 90 degrees with a bit of a breeze playing with the sky-blue curtain slats to the balcony.
cook. I didn't like it but ate it anyways.
walk.
foto. lotus.
face. posted fotos from Udon Tha7ni and Khon Kaen.
shop. vegetables, pork.6
chat. David and Marcel.
tv25. The Jungle.
Midnight. Muggy. 80°F 27°C; Precipitation: 14%; Humidity: 86%; Wind: 2 mph.

I'm feeling like crap. Coffee? Can barely stay awake. It's almost 6 p.m. and still sultry.

I would say that Pan is having a rough time. He took his meds at 21:00 but wasn't 'here'.

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