Writing Blog

20231005 Accountability 5

October 5, 2023, 9:15pm

The Story hit a hurdle today.

Not a story hurdle, a writer hurdle.

I was hit hard by a crisis of confidence, a serious bout of Imposter Syndrome striking me. I couldn't even write the column expected of me for Weekend Notes. As such, I only added 1400 words, so it sits at 92400. A shit word count addition.

And it was made worse by the woman I really like (I sound like a teenager; I'm in my early 50s, she's in her late 40s... but maybe emotions revert us to childhood...) treating me like an acquaintance.

I can't turn off how I feel, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

Mental health issues suck.

And I am so fucking lonely.

The 1400 words I wrote were also shit. Of course, that could be my negativity speaking, but it could also be that I am in such a poor mental state that I am writing crap.

Then again, maybe I deserve everything being so shithouse. If so, then it would make it easier to live with.

This sucks.