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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/1066330-I1-The-Jury
Rated: ASR · Book · Comedy · #2313753
another trip down the rabbit hole...
#1066330 added March 15, 2024 at 10:00pm
Restrictions: None
I1. "The Jury"
"Off with her head!" A shrill imperious voice squealed from behind me. I was quickly surrounded by a group of six foot tall living playing cards on legs with arms. They had lances and looked ready to run me through.

I turned towards the voice and could see a woman who was the characature of the queen of hearts playing card. Beside her stood the white rabbit that had lured me into this whole adventure in the first place. "Your majesty, we can't execute her without a proper trial."

I knew I liked the stupid rabbit. "What am I to be charged with?"

"Stealing my tarts!" The queen howled, I began to realize that was as close as she came to an "inside voice."

I blinked at the accusation and hoped she wasn't accusing me because I ate from the table at the tea party. She couldn't be, I hadn't had a single tart. "It wasn't me!"

The queen glared at me, "Go fetch the impartial jury!"

The rabbit came back with a ragged sort of crew. There was an obviously married couple, they were living and breathing salt and pepper shakers. A thimble with legs that looked like stilts waved at me with its slender arms. A monopoly piece in the form of a silver Scotty dog trotted behind the other three wagging its tail. Three anthropomorphic celery stalks followed behind the dog, I couldn't tell whether they were male, female, or none of the above. A two-legged hammer arrived with a walking saw and a humanoid screwdriver. Together they whipped together a jury box and benches in a cartoonish puff of dust. When the dust cleared the tools sat on a bench side by side. A four-foot-tall monarch butterfly landed on a bench and rubbed the tips of its front legs together. A giant bald caterpillar sat next to the butterfly. The whole jury seated themselves on the remaining spots on the benches.

"Now off with her head!"

"My queen, there is more to a trial than having a jury..." The rabbit interrupted.

"Fine, let's get this started. My tarts were upon my windowsill at the castle. Now they are not. So can we take her head yet?"

"She gets to defend herself," The rabbit informed.

I smiled, and curtsied," Your majesty, I have never been to your castle and did not eat your tarts."

The jury mumbled amongst themselves quietly, I could detect sentiments like, "Well said," and, "I believe her."

"But my tarts are gone! Where did they go!"

Again the jury mumbled amongst themselves, "She has quite a point."

I quickly spoke up, pointing out something hard to notice on the queen, "Your hands and the front of your dress are covered in berry stains your highness. Is there a chance that YOU could have eaten them?"

The queen licked her hand, "Well I'll... Off with my head for stealing my tarts."

"Oh no your majesty, you can't steal your own tarts you merely ate them. No crime occurred." I pointed out.

As one the jury said, "Not guilty on all charges." Then the group left the jury box and made their way in the direction of the tea party.

"You know your majesty, there is a tea party down the way. If you would like some more tarts, I can testify that they have some yummy looking ones." I said with a smile.

"Let's go," The queen hollered to the cards still surrounding me. Then she trotted off after the jury with my guards in tow.

I was left standing alone, in a clearing, in the woods with a hastily assembled jury box.


635 words

prompt

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/1066330-I1-The-Jury