Effective Venting

October 14, 2001: A new day, another depression

Whoever reads this, they may know me, they may not. I didn't sleep last night...but I did pamper myself. I spent and hour rubbing lotion into every part of my body, trying to make myself feel better. I even meditated, butfor some reason, I was sad....incredibly sad, and it still overwhelms my heart. Everyday....it keeps getting worse, the longer I wait to let it out. But, I ahve even let it out before, and it merely keeps growing, causes me to get more ill...and more sad, and more pains overcome my body. I feel utterly uncared for, as if I do not matter anymore...and the way people treat me sometimes makes me feel like it is true...I'm ignored by the people I need the most love from constantly...and I cannot tell them, for fear they'll think me....stupid,needy...and thats not me. I love helping other people, I love making others happy, more than anything, but I have lived off that for so long, I never ask what I feel...and now I do, and I feel completely alone. I wish I could ask those who read this, but ofcourse you do not know me well enough yet. Am I alone? Am I really ignored? I don't know...but I cannot stop thinking of myself as neglected...let me be self-centered for once. To conclude....I need love...and no one is here to give it...I wish I could only get it, without asking for once. An "I love you" would make me feel better, but I don't even get that.