My True Soul

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I've been thinking a lot lately again about college. That could be because I went to another campus this past weekend. And I had WWU described to me in detail by Sarah. It was so sweet of her... I really wanted to know about the campus, but I didn't ask her to take notes for me, but she did. And she got everything I could want to know about them. To go to a college like that and be close to her... *sighs* dream there. Hopefully one that'll come true, especially in my realization of dreams. Sadly my friend Jake and I were talking, he told me it'd all happen, whatever I wanted, that I'd go see Sarah and be so happy... all that. I never thought of it not happening... I always have planned so hard on it happening and it will. Because there is no way that I won't let it not happen. But for that 30 minutes or so, the brief thought of it not happening.... man. If I think about it much, I start crying and it feels like someone is stepping on my soul and twisting on it, driving it into the ground. I have $800 saved up, I need to keep saving. If, possibly, the 2nd Tri isn't so bad... I'll go ahead and apply for a job somewhere. I can't let my grades drop now due to college. And I have another hard Tri. Along with being in Yearbook this Tri. I know that might not sound like a big deal. But when you're in charge of 2 of the largest sections of the yearbook and they haven't even started them, it is. Editor of Classes and I have to teach the Juniors how to do Advertisements. I'm not going to leave them hanging like I was last year. It's annoying as hell to do something, complete it, then find out you did it wrong. Plus I have basketball now. Maybe that was stupid, I already have enough to do, but I love basketball. It's just, the feel of the ball, the sound of the net, the court, the goal, when you make it in, doing something awesome, winning a game, everything. I love it. Even when you're sweating so much and then you step outside into the 40 degree weather with shorts and t-shirt on.... thats a feeling I'll never forget. The early morning games, the nervous feeling you get right before. All of that. This might be my last year to play, I don't know. I can't let it go by. Plus Ali fussed at me for not signing up the last 2 years and she's the best partner I've had. She knows where I'm gonna go, I know where she's gonna go... we communicate well. I thought of being a basketball coach... I knew a girl that was going to be one, she taught me some neat things in basketball and in Taekwondo also. When I have children, I really hope one of them is interested in basketball. Or I could just do what my cousin did with me, start teaching them how to dribble when they are 3. =) Anyway... maybe after basketball season, which should end around the time that 2nd Tri does, I can get a job. I'm thinking about applying to Target, Wal-mart, Burlington Shoes, Toys R Us, KB Toys, Warehouse Music, Bookland, Shoe Carnival, Books-a-million, Best Buy, eh... Craft stores possibly. You think maybe out of one of those places I'll get a job? I hope so. I know at Wal-Mart, I kinda have, possibly an upperhand. One of my mom's friends, who also knows me really well, works there. And she's going to be one of my references anyway. So... maybe. I learn really quickly, honestly. Then I can work there throughout the summer. Take off the 2 weeks I'll be gone or quit before then. Shall see when time comes. I'm going to see MSU this Friday. I'm dreading it, afraid I'll hate their campus. Austin Peay's was so much better than AUM's. I couldn't live at AUM tho, it would drive me nuts. MSU is a huge campus.... HUGE.... just look at their website. (msstate.edu) Definitely talking about having a bike to get around. I really like what I see about them, I just hope I still like it when I get there. I don't really wanna go to Alabama or Auburn. Really really not Alabama. So, maybe. If not... *sighs* My dad told me to forget about going to Washington for college. Sorry pops, can't do that, can't give up, must apply and see what happens. Never know which place will and won't give scholarships until you try. AH, lol, this TRIPS me OUT!!!! I'm talking to Nic.... she's... yah. It's too complicated to begin to explain. But it's amazing some of the common things I can find in Sags. Lily is one also. When we feel strongly about something or someone and it feels right to us... do not try to change it. That is a big big mistake. It's kinda funny. Anyway though, the parents are starting to move around some. My mom and I are going somewhere. And I'm kinda looking at MSU some more. It and WWU sound pretty awesome. *sighs* Like I said, MAYBE I'll like it there. Toodles! Oh.... and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!