Life as we know it sucks

I don't have enough time

Current Mood: insane

Current Music: Black - Pearl Jam

I don't feel like studying . . . . I don't feel like writing anymore. I am so depressed. This is all happening so fast and it doesn't make sense. I go from talking to him as many times a day as possible to once a week . . . if that. This is pathetic. This is depressing. I am in love with nothing. I am in love with an asshole. I am in love with the only person in the world that matters to me. And I have lost him. I have fucking lost him. And i will lose it. It - my sanity. My health. My life. I am dead as far as I can tell.

This hurts so much and no one can understands or cares so I fucking talk to myself. I fucking deal with it myself. I never dreamt of the day when I would hear myself say that I want to smoke pot. I want to do morphine. I want to do anything to get away from the complexity of this world. I want to mellow out and be cool. Be happy. I don't want this depression to overtake me again. I'd just gotten over it . . . . And then I fell for Jacob. I fell hard for him. He is everything to me. And I continue falling. One day I will "splat" signaling the end of my life. That's what depression will do to me this time.

Power for poison a poem for every rejection...