My True Soul

Nature and such

I just feel like writing. About what? I really don't know. I feel like things are semi-normal because I've gotten through most of my past and the most recent stuff, I don't think I've let myself really hate myself for them. I think with my last realization, I'm letting those things go. I tried to blame something on myself today, fought it off again. Now, it's more about testing to see if I've made progress and I know this is gonna take a while, but I just want it to be over with. And you know what is scaring me? I've found it soothing to do housework. I mean, I get to clean, take out everything on cleaning, and after I finish... not only does it look better, I feel better because of everything. I've been in a cleaning mood for about a week now. It was all good until today, I felt really crummy today. Talked to Sarah which made me feel better. I really love the girl. I've been talking to a girl from Florida lately, she's pretty cool. Constantly is telling me how she couldn't take the long distance, not knowing what was gonna happen for sure. I don't know what's gonna happen. Alls I know is I do care for Sarah, I do love her, I felt that, I want to be with her...want to hold her. It was amazing when she was in front of me and I had my arms around her waist, that felt right. When I was touching her, it felt so nice. There's always this feeling I get when I touch people and when they touch me and it lets me know something. Her lacing her fingers through mine, that felt so right, that better than it's ever been when anyone else has done it. Hugging her, it felt so like no one else. For once, someone really fit into my arms. I'm stuck wondering now, did she feel the same? Did she like it when I touched her? Did it make her heart race as it did mine when she touched me? I want these moments back, I want to be there again. I want to walk away from being around her and have my heart floating. I walked away so many nights and I felt like I was born again. It was the same feeling I get everytime I really experience nature.