My True Soul

A new threshold

Here I am, the first day of living life on my own.
I never realized I'd cry when my mom left me. I never knew I'd think about how close she and I are. About how it's gonna be weird not to have her come in, cause chaos for 30 minutes and annoy me and pester me.
I'm scared in a way that I can't express. It's like today, I hit the threshold for the rest of my life. Today, things changed. I stepped over the threshold, but now, I'm one step inside the door and still peering around. I want there to be a familiar face that pops up and says "Welcome! I'll be here by your side, just take my hand when you get lost and I'll give you a flashlight and shine you back to the path you were on."
I'll manage without that happening, but it would be nice.
Instead it's just like "Welcome to the next section of your life...".

The good thing is, I don't have to hide who I am, not as much. I'm not gonna broadcast that I am bisexual. But, I'm not having friends that I have to hide it from. Haha, yeah, I got hit on by a white guy the other night, been the first time that's happened...like ever. Think I almost got hit on by a black guy, if I had of shown anymore interest. But I've got Sarah and she fits.

I was debating last night if it's better to attach yourself to people or to be emotionless.

Here is how I am:
I believe that love never fails as long as it is true love and it is felt by both parties.
I believe that you never know where you will find true love.
Love always is there, just sometimes it isn't as strong.
Life and Love are pain, but they are also happiness.
Pain finds you and you have to find happiness.
Feeling is living, living is feeling.
I believe you can change and that everyone does from time to time.
I believe that if you want something bad enough, you should try to get it, and if you don't get it at first, then don't be afraid to try again.
And you must decide if someone is worth all the pain that comes from caring about them.

I've got to work on being happy for Sarah even when I'm not the one who makes her happy. I want so badly to be the person who always makes her happy. But you know what? If I can't be happy for her, then that only takes away the times when she is happy, then I only make her annoyed/sad/ill or depressed. And that isn't what I want, so I must change.
I'm gonna jet. Call a friend.