My True Soul

Does this have a theme? No

First and foremost... sends out bunches of *hugs* to Ms. April... *gathers more rope and ties it to her rope in a nice tight knot* I got extra rope right now... it's yours.

Well guys and gals, haha. I've always wanted to say that. Sunday night was good, then it was hell, and I was the most pissed I've ever been towards Sarah. Not at Sarah, but with something involving her. Let's put it this way...I yelled, I cussed, and she was crying... and, I lost it, but not before telling her that I would yell, that I would cuss, and that I'd actually rather get it out with someone else. She wanted to me to let go of it, so, I did...mostly.
I got so mad I smacked the heck out of my desk with my right hand...so hard it was still tingling when I went to bed around 5 am. And I once again value Jess so much. She normally happens to be online when Sarah is...same time zone I guess has a big part in that...but she always makes me laugh or smile when I'm going nuts.

Anyways, got Sarah calmed down. I was wired then. So I stayed up talking to Jake and Shorty. Then in chatrooms, just looking for some nice ladies to talk to.

Zar (Manda) from Pennsylvania. *wrinkles eyebrows* anyway.
One named Jennifer from Iowa, she's a trip....happy, playful, all that... she gets a 6 on my scale of cool as of now.
I have this one girl, Halee?, who is just thrilled to talk to me when she gets the chance... *shrugs*
There's Kim, she's just a new buddy, but still...she's a Texan sweetie.
I talked to a girl named Shannon last night...I am curious about her. She was... too perfect to be true... so I still think that was all a dream. *scratches head* I'll find out later, maybe. She said she'll talk to me today? Oh well.
And then, lol, I had a 28 year old woman hitting on me. Like, telling me I needed to go to NZ to stay with her and make love to her. It hit me today, she woulda been born in 1975, and she's the same age as my fav. cousin, lol. That is older.... lol.

Anyways, she was the type of lady I'm looking for... so was Shannon however. Someone who's nice, respectful, cute, flirty, kinda girly... but protective, without being butch/dyke.
I wanna talk to them again, but I want to sleep too, lol. Goodness.

There's something that keeps coming up in my conversations with my friends. If someone is only using you and you know it, especially if they are only using you for their own sick pleasure - i.e. manipulating just cause they want to see you weak, only talking to you when they want sex. They're not friends, they are people that have much abused your trust, your kindness, and your heart. There is no reason that you have to keep talking to these people. These people do not have power over you, though it may feel like it, it is only a trick of the mind. (Unless they do have you physically restrained, and I should hope not)

I have many thoughts rushing through my mind... many many many, that I cannot share. Tis bugging me. Hindsight is 20/20....as Fetty says to me constantly.

I also talked to a younger girl, named Sarah, about her sexuality, go figure.

Jake just told me to move to Cali cause that's where Shannon's from. If I thought I could go there and find girls that were that gorgeous, that nice, and actually flirted with me, on a fairly regular basis? *thinks for a split second* *runs and packs bags hurriedly*

*dances in circles* Tomorrow is Tuesday. Tomorrow I may see Amanda. Tomorrow is the day I get to make a big fool out of myself by asking Amanda, if she's there, for her number or some way to get in contact with her, or... give her my number or someway to get in contact with me. Tomorrow, I should have decided if I'm going to Camp Sister-Spirit, which... I don't know. I guess I should decide.

*I see your true colors shining, I see your true colors, and that's why I love you* *dances* I've been singing and dancing lately, that's weird for me.