My True Soul

Life lately

Halee decided she'd tell me why she likes me tonight. As my friend Jake said, it's better than having someone tell you why they hate you. She said cause I was nice, I was caring/sweet, funny, had a good attitude about everything, and because I seemed like I'd be a really loving person in a relationship. I just said... "I am a really loving person in a relationship if given a chance." I told her about Kim. She's all "go for it." My friend Lily approved of Kim so fast it wasn't even funny. She approved of Sarah like that... though we're not together, it lasted a good while.

Sarah... last night... said "my missy" and then was like "hugs you goodnight". And tonight, I don't feel good, I just don't. She... meh like... *rubs your back* and went into how she wished I would feel better cause she can tell I really don't feel good even tho I was pretending to be okay. And, I helped her out with something... and... i got this "i will love you forever, not that i already don't but its a figure of speech."

I... my heart... is... going nuts. April, do you remember the whole convo about her being affectionate? Yeah, now she is more so than before.

Now... she's telling me... people never talk about her outside of school, and she knows it for a fact. That they never come home and just tell their friends she said something funny. I always talk about people like that... always. My parents know about her, my friends do, goodness... I think about her every day, at least once. I won't shut up about her to most people if given the chance. (April, you know this...) But, she's so sure. She said she can read people like a book, aye, she can. That's why her counselors have trouble trying to help her out. Aye... but... sometimes the meaning of a book isn't in the lines...its between them. You know what I'm sayin lads and lasses? Sarah's a smart girl, she is, she's stubborn too. I just still wish she could see and realize that she means so much to me. Last night, she said "i bet you hate me" - i said "please don't ever say that". That's so far from the truth it's not funny.
And she just said she always enjoyed talking to me... in this... happy... way and smiling. Oh, and that she hopes she gets to soon [again].
I'm glad she does... just right now, my heart is all like "oh.. oh ... she... she... oooo... aaawwwwww" and my brain is yelling "HEY, knock it off!! You're just a close friend now, get over it, yee stupid fool!".

And... Kim can tell how I feel about Sarah, yet I told Kim I'm interested in her. Blerg, I am interested in Kim... seriously. She's really great from what I can tell so far. I owe her a RC Cola now, lol. Tonight, we were just talking about colors and flowers sorta. And she wants to talk to my friend Jake... so, he IMed her. I think, maybe, she wants to talk to him cause... he's funny, yes. But, he also knows me obviously fairly well since I was talking to him about Halee.

Gah, Halee's sweet, she really is. But, just, I don't get the whole tingly sensation when she says she likes me. I don't...nothing. And I can't see dating someone who's 16 and smokes 2 packs a day. Anyways, she was talking to her ex tonight... she said to her ex "you probably hate me" (sound familiar) and her ex said "don't say that again" or something similiar. And the calling thing, goodness. And she's constantly like "I think you should let me talk to Sarah" Heck no, I think not. I am REALLY picky about who I want talking to Sarah. Dude, tho, I think I'd let Kim talk to her... which... is weird. But, anyways.

What about Amanda? Haven't seen her. I still look at every black mustang. I just, I... Amanda's great too. She's probably one of the few people at MSU who's been around me and doesn't think I'm a snob, but instead knows I'm just kinda shy.

Kim, yeah... Halee told me I should call her. I'd love to. But, mm... I don't know. Hehe, she's from Texas... have I said this? Anyways... cute accent, I'm sure. =) And why am I seriously interested in Kim with her being from Texas? Cause... Texas ain't too far... lol. A lil farther than I wanted, but, let's put it this way, if I get a chance with Kim, then... at this point... yeah, Texas is fine. Kim drives I believe, I drive, I've got an extra bedroom. She was talking about seeing me this next summer... going to Florence... and basically, us going out on a date. *grins* Blerg. I realize the whole thing with her is... iffy. I just hope I don't screw it up.

My hands are swollen feeling... blerg. I must go to bed... I'll study more in the morning. Mmm, also have almost 3 hours to drive to see Shorty. Looking forward to all that though. =)