My True Soul

Stellar

I talked to Sarah yesterday. It was kinda odd. She did tell me why she's been so snappy with me. At least there was a reason and it wasn't just that she felt like being mean. That completely released my feelings about that. I wanted part of me to not wanna have anything to do with her so I wouldn't have this confusion, it was a defense mechanism. I asked Fetty why do I have to talk to her. Kudos to Fetty, he gave me the one answer that no one else has and the exact reason why I do keep talking to her and why we're still friends. "Because she might possibly be your soulmate."

As much as some of my friends would yell at me for that. As much as some people would. That is the truth. There was always something between Sarah and I. Something that allowed me to be able to comfort her and something with her that could make me feel so much better. I think we lost that at some point. Maybe we got in over our heads. Maybe we needed a break. Or maybe we're just better as friends.

I really don't know. She told me that she tried to hug this girl who was my evil twin. Ya know. That she's been thinking about me a lot since that day, Tuesday. And she was upset, so she was hugging the stuffed animal that I gave her. =( It makes me happy, but it makes me want to cry. I used to do that, the teddy bear she got me, every night, especially if it was a bad night... I'd hold it, I'd cry on it. Now, it's hidden in a place where I can't see it.

I could be talking to her right now, maybe I should be, but I really need to study. I've avoided Halee all yesterday and so far today. I've gotta get this math stuff down. I came in here to check everything for a moment, to get out my thoughts, and to grab some CDs to listen to while I worked on my math so I wouldn't be distracted by the tube. I finally feel... somewhat better. Why? Cause now I know Sarah doesn't hate me, that she wasn't just being mean to me cause she could. I talked to this other girl last night, I don't know why, I just told her... a lot of stuff... her name's Alexis, but... lol, go figure. Oh well.

Fetty said it sounded like quite a predicament I was in. I am. In many ways. I described Sarah the other day... in many ways, she's still got a lot going for her. *sighs* I wanna get over everything in a flash, I don't wanna take months, cause it did not end too horribly or anything. I want to move on. *pats own head* Patience Rabbit, patience.

Omg, it's December!!!! Hahaha! That's so sad, it just now really hit me.

Yesterday, I talked to a girl that was quite a bit younger. I should say... A LOT younger. Why? Cause she's hit that wonderful age where you start to wonder about your sexuality and she's confused. I remember that. I didn't have anyone to talk to and maybe if I had of, it woulda made things easier. I think it would have. So, that made me start thinking... I really wouldn't mind doing something with younger kids. Just to be there for them to talk to about stuff as simple as homework to stuff like the confusion that that girl had. (Her name's Sarah, ironically enough *sighs*) I don't know. I just don't think that I'm too horrible of an example, for most things, at least. And I have a bit of patience. I'm not sure if I should start trying to do something like that now or if I should wait until after I got out of school. But, I do believe I want to do something like that. If any of you have comments, please make one.

I think, that's pretty much it, besides the stuff with Halee.

She keeps hinting that she really wants to be with me, even more now. Megh, so, here's the cycle with her. She backs off, I talk to her cause she's nice, she gets happy that I'm talking to her... she pushes more, I stop talking to her as much, she backs off, I'll talk to her... she thinks that means I might like her, she calls more. Do we see the cycle?
I'm not interested in her like that, at all. Right, if you don't feel that way, you just don't. Thanks for putting it in those terms. =)

Wow, okay, it's time for me to go.