My True Soul

Friends

I thought today was Wednesday. Well, it is in some parts of the world, lol, not here though. I jumped ahead a day. I guess it was to make up for me loosing a day... last week? Right. Goodness. I've been in some kinda mind bog lately or something and I can't get my mind to function that it's really this day.

Kat said her parents found a house, she knows what school she's gonna be going to, one that has the same colors as TUNA (UNA) does... lol, she dislikes that cause she's a UT fan. (To which I say...Go Vols!) But, they're going to be moving as soon as possible. Blah. I never do anything with her, I mean, the last time I saw her was when Eric was here around the 4th of July... in fact, that was the last time I saw her, the 4th. I don't talk to her, I figure she's busy, and well... she'll call if she can. Other than that? I have no clue. I've tried to call her, she's busy or not there it seems. She fusses that I never call, but, phone lines work 2 ways, lol. I have no clue. I understand Kat with most things, but trying to figure out what to do... I'm lost. Actually... that's most girls, no matter who they are or what way I know them. It still bums me out that she's moving. In a way, I don't want to even bother trying to keep things. I'm down to so few of my friends so I feel... and I do believe a lot of that is my fault. We'll see.

I could have tried harder to talk to Kat. I could have called more, if she wasn't always grounded, lol. I would have done things on the weekend with her, if she wasn't grounded, lol. But this summer? I have no excuse excepts it seems everytime I've asked her what she's got going on, she's got plans. *shrugs* Lily? She's a good friend when she's not just using me for a ride. And I know my life is boring to her. But in the same time, I understand so much about how she thinks, it would scare her. I understand why she does the things she does, why she hangs out with those people, why she reacts certain ways, and even why the first guy she felt for still means so much to her. I guess that's why she and I can go a while, not do much and things be okay. I'm glad she's trying to get away from some of the crap in her life. I wish she had better friends who would treat her better... maybe she'll wish that some day too and it'll come true. Jake? Yeah, he's awesome... completely. And I have to start doing more things with him and calling him more often. Cause he's probably one of my best friends when I think about it. Eric? I don't think anything could happen to make us not be friends. I understand the boy too well as he understands me. Sometimes tho, it feels like we just run out of things to talk about cause... I guess, lol, we've covered everything so well and already know. This is why you do NOT date someone who's exactly like you. Shorty? I think she and I have found this distance... it's comfortable... it's not pushing... and things work. I think if we get too close, things clash. Mostly because of me and how I am. Things work... lol. And throughout the years, she's gotten to know me better and normally she's one of the people I laugh the hardest with. Manda? I love her to death, she's such a great break from reality. Whenever I feel so down, I normally always feel better by talking to her... if it's about something like school, or if I just wanna talk about stupid things, yeah. Serious things about how I feel about my relationships? Definitely not a good topic with her. Goofing off, talking about what to do, yep, we're all good.

That's it basically. I talk to Joby some... but not enough for it to really matter. I talk to Adam when I see him, we're fine then, but I never talk to him besides. I talk to Hepher sometimes, but normally I'm a sounding board for her when she wants to talk to someone about her relationships and how she feels. Sean? No... just no. Tamara? Only time I ever got somewhat close to her was when I was a junior. Melissa? I've only talked to her a few times and what scared me is I could talk to her really well about most things, but yet, I really didn't feel like I could trust her. Ali? Oh my goodness, yes.. haven't heard from her in 2 months until about a week ago. She's changed so much, I have no clue who she is now. Not one at all. And she and I never got close, after knowing the girl since 5th grade... never. Mandy? Haha, I saw her last week and it'd been the first time since Graduation.

Those are all the friends I think I ever hung around during HS...for the most part. There were a few others, but I don't think they're worth mentioning. I have other people who are really good friends, but sadly, I only know them from the net. There are several of them, I think if given the chance, we woulda be friends in person without a doubt. Jess, lol, for example... she and I were talking about how I need to move close to her and then we can cause hell and scare everyone. =) I agree with her. I probably will end up close to her in the end, not because of her, just because I like the idea of living where she does. I want some place that's really a happy medium. Not a huge huge city, but not a small town, somewhere close to water, but not flat lands, and lots of green.

I just told Lily it sounded like she was letting these guys race and see who could come in 1st place and win her heart. She said "that's not good is it?" I told her I didn't really know, we'd discuss it later, lol. In a way, that's really what it's about... who wins your heart over the most. And in a way? Relationships are all about who has more of an advantage... it's survival of the fittest almost... but only on a individual basis. It's an interesting dynamic. Eric told me yesterday that I should try to let my mind and my heart work together. That is ideal. It's the happy medium... so he said, lol, then I started fussin "you damn middle kids... " lol, I was totally not serious n he knew that. But, yeah... he is right. It is the best when all things are balanced. I'll allow my head to poke through the feelings of my heart and vice versa, well, more so than I have already. Stuff like that is why I really like to tell Eric how I feel... he'll say something like that and make me think more. Or he'll give me something else to ponder. I should go now. I have things to clean and things to think about.