My Life on a Plate

Soulmates

I was washing the pots this morning, thinking of what to put in my journal, when a nasty tumbler decided to break in half taking a slice out of my little finger on the way. Since then I've done very little except bleed, change dressings and feel sorry for myself. But I shall endure the pain of typing in order to make an entry. Aren't I the martyr? I now expect bunches of Cyberflowers and grapes to aid my recovery. lol

Anyway, I was interested in the comment Rebecca made in her journal about women tending to choose men like their fathers. This is a well known theory but one I cannot apply to my own choice. In some ways I wish I had. My father is a mild-mannered, gentle man with a good sense of humour, although he doesn't have much opportunity to display it when my mother's around! Basically, he's a good man, if a little withdrawn and lacking in drive but has sadly not been much appreciated by his wife.

My mother on the other hand is stubborn, opinionated, intolerant and very hard to please. Don't get me wrong; I love both my parents and have had some good times with my mum when she was fitter and more humourous than she is nowadays. But the older she gets and the longer I'm married I see more and more similar traits between her and my husband. So, in my case, as I mentioned to Rebecca I think I married my mother as opposed to my father.

I wish humans were equipped with a detector to inform us when we've met that certain somebody. Something like changing colour or hearing orchestras so we know we've found our soulmate. I remember reading a book called 'The Road Less Travelled' some time back which had an interesting chapter on relationships. The first line of the book impressed me very much. It simply stated, 'Life is difficult.' What a refreshing change from the philosophy books that suggest it's easy to always be positive and sunny. I digress again. The chapter dealing with love and marriage etc claimed that no one really falls in love. You don't fall in love with your parents or your children; it generates naturally. When you meet someone from the opposite sex you don't initially fall in 'love' but in 'lust.' I think this is true myself. After the lust subsides is when you really know whether the other aspects of your relationship are strong enough to survive the future together. Sadly, in many cases it isn't.

Then there's the hindsight thing. As a young girl I had little idea what I was looking for in a partner and appearance seemed to dominate my choices. Now, although I admit I can still admire a good-looking man (and woman for that matter but please don't label me in any way!) I know exactly what I'd want. Now why doesn't nature allow us to see that before it's too late? Maybe it's just me, as I know many couples have very happy lifelong relationships but is that due to luck more than judgement?

Yes, I know you have to work hard to keep things ticking over and interesting but if the basic compatability isn't there, it isn't easy to do. I know sometimes I can be ungrateful and want more than I should. That's when I say that little rhyme to myself - 'Mirror, mirror on the wall, I AM my mother after all.' Then I try harder, because much as I love my mother, I don't want to BE like her. I hope I've inherited some of my dad's gentleness as well as her dissatisfaction with life.

Okay, time to stop rambling - my plaster needs changing. lol