My Life on a Plate

Twisted Knickers

There are advantages and disadvantages to blogging late at night. The upside is completing the entry then signing out with the knowledge of waking to lots of interesting and amusing comments. The downside is something already mentioned by windac in that alcohol consumption can make the entry lengthier, sillier or more emotional than intended. My entry last night was a very late, warmed by alcohol one but what the hell? The comments were well appreciated this morning and gave me food for thought on a very dull, cold and uneventful Sunday.

So I start this entry after a little drink but not enough to affect my typing or emotions. I'm not guaranteeing that state will be unaltered by the end of it however. I also apologise for the self-indulgence, but it's necessary to attempt the task suggested by David McClain .

Playing the 'What if' game is something I'm sure we've all done and a subject I've discussed with darylm on several occasions. We've generally concluded it gets too complicated and difficult to come to any conclusions.

But much as I'm probably going to get my knickers in a twist I've given some thought to David McClain 's suggestion and here are my conclusions.

I could say I wish I'd been born into a different family and maybe even be someone else, but as that was not a conscious choice (as far as I know) it doesn't really count. I could say I wish my parents had stayed in America and allowed me to grow up in the country of my birth. I've often contemplated how differently my life would have panned out had we lived there. But that was their (or my mother's I suspect) decision, not mine so that doesn't really count either. Deciding which crossroads of personal choice would have altered my life most isn't easy but I'll attempt it.

1. In my teens I would NOT have started smoking. That would mean today I'd probably be a lot lot healthier, not worried about the effects and cost of smoking or made to feel like a failed leper. If nothing else I think I'd be far happier without those worries. Had I not started this ridiculous habit and turned my back on physical activity I could possibly have become quite an established athlete or sportsperson. Swimming, gymnastics, games and athletics were my strong points as a young person and with determination and no vices I could maybe have followed that road. My life would have been totally different if I had. The downside of not being a smoker? There isn't one.

2. At sixteen I would have chosen differently. I'd have worked harder at school and gained more 'O' levels. Then I would either have left school and trained in office skills or studied hard for 'A' levels in order to go to University and NOT Teacher Training College. I tend to go with the first option. I think I'd have enjoyed working in an office and eventually that would have led me into working with computers, which I know I'd have loved.
The downside? I probably wouldn't have made the friends at school during my sixth form and would possibly have looked back and wished I'd extended my education. As susanL commented; some of us will always think the grass is greener whatever we do.

3. I would NOT have become involved with a boy at school at the tender age of fifteen. This relationship lasted on and off for ten years and ultimately ended with nothing to show for it. Ten years I now feel should have been filled with parties, freedom to experiment, many other relationships and a lot of fun. There was a lot of pain attached to this relationship, which was too intense at such a young age. The downside of not having had this relationship? Missing out on a lot of happy times despite the problems, the friends we made along the way and having known someone who had a huge impact on my life. He's passed away now sadly.

4. I would NOT choose teaching as a career. There are many things I feel I could have done better. Maybe office work, window dressing, landscape gardening, fashion design, beautician or working on boats or planes. I regret not travelling more. I wouldn't have met my husband if I hadn't chosen teaching and I wouldn't have been forced into early retirement. The downside? I wouldn't have found the wonderful friends I made at College and at the school I worked at.

5. Sorry if this offends but I wouldn't have married my husband. In retrospect I don't think I ever met the man I wanted to marry and maybe I wouldn't have married at all. Had the previous changes taken place I may have met the right person and now be living the life of luxury somewhere else with a large family and no worries, but all these things are hypothetical. And that's a damned big word at this time of night when the alcohol intake has increased dramatically. The downside? I cannot imagine a life without my wonderful, adorable son; the light of my life.

So, there you have it. Five things which MAY have altered my future dramatically. Nothing I can do about it but David McClain is right. There's a hell of a lot of scope for fiction in there. Not tonight though; too tired, inebriated and sore typing fingers.

I suggest you all attempt this exercise for yourselves. It's very egotistical but has been quite a soul searching task. And now I'd better go and remove my twisted knickers and get to bed. To sleep, perchance to dream...of what might have been...sigh.