My Life on a Plate

Razor's Edge

Thank you all for the support and kind words regarding my rather serious and downhearted entries about my parents. I know many of you have lived with similar worries and concerns and that helps a lot.

Yesterday morning at the gym I found myself worrying about whether my mum would phone during our absence. I consoled myself that should she need me urgently, my son would contact me on my mobile phone. I then realised my mobile was in my bag in the car, so obviously I'd have no chance of hearing it. I carried on, completed my exercises, enjoyed a leisurely swim and a short reward in the jacuzzi, but all the time a small niggle chewed away at my brain. When we returned to the car, the first thing I did was check my phone for any missed calls. There were thankfully none. I spent the afternoon with my parents.

This morning hubby and I decided to make a short dash to a garden centre to buy some bedding plants. I always enjoy making up hanging baskets and container pots for the summer. (If we ever get one) While perusing the plants my son phoned me on my mobile to say my mum had rung. He'd missed the call as he was in the bath, but had dialled recall and got my parent's number. I immediately tried to phone her back but could get no signal. Choosing plants was difficult and not the usual pleasure as at the back of my mind, I was worrying if there was something wrong.

After leaving the garden centre I managed to contact her, but she said she hadn't phoned, so either my son had got it wrong or she'd forgotten she'd called me. My money is on the second solution. After dropping off the plants at home, I spent the afternoon with my parents.

Tomorrow, I'll do their shopping and drop that off at their house and on Tuesday I'll be up there again, helping them prepare for a visit from my one remaining Aunty, who will be 93 this year. Not a blood relative, but a lovely lady indeed.

Now I don't object to spending time with them and elderly relatives and am prepared to help in whatever way I can, although I would like to spend more time on my own home and pursuits. But what is beginning to concern me is the anxiety that accompanies me everywhere I go, in case something happens or they need some help.

To quote darylm whose comment really hit home -

"Should you really put your life on hold, waiting for that moment when the telephone might ring? Should we never go out with friends? Never go on holiday? This road certainly leads to madness. It's a difficult tightrope to walk, maybe more of a slanted razor's edge. All we can do, I guess is walk carefully and find our own balance as best we can."

I know I'm pretty mad already but I know this is no way to live. Walking around with the sword of Damocles over your head isn't a pleasant way to spend time. The problem is there isn't an easy solution or a simple way of banishing very real concerns. But I will add that understanding friends and kind comments left do help a great deal. A special thank you to kelly1202 for yet another lovely sig. I hope one day to have more time to review and use it.

** Image ID #1105482 Unavailable **