My Life on a Plate

Breakdowns

I think I mentioned the joy of the unexpected in my last entry. Well, my shopping trip certainly threw up a few unexpected twists and turns, but I wouldn’t exactly call them joyous. Let me take you back to Wednesday.

The morning was mild, but I didn’t set off as early as anticipated for various reasons. Still, there was nothing to rush for; I’d a whole day to shop and had arranged with hubby to phone him when I’d finished and he’d fetch me. The plan was we’d peruse some pubs on the way back for suitability for a school reunion I’m organising in July. Mistake one…NEVER make plans.

The train was on time; I sauntered through one shopping centre in Nottingham but didn’t see anything I liked except a sun hat. I didn’t want to carry that round with me all day, so made a mental note to return for it later. My next task was to ‘pop’ into a large department store to make an exchange for something my friend had bought last week. Mistake two…NEVER think anything you do in a shop is a five-minute job. I often wonder if anyone goes to work but if they don’t, where do they acquire all the money to buy twenty items at a time? So, I spent a happy half an hour queuing for one small item, but at least it gave me chance to eat my lunch, drink a bottle of water and practice my swear words.

I then wandered to the other shopping centre in Nottingham, quite a distance from the first one, but the walk would burn up those calories. As I said, the day was mild, so I thought sandals and no coat appropriate attire for the day and for easily trying on clothes. Mistake three…NEVER assume a day in England will not see at least three changes in weather. After a few errant plops of rain, I hoped it would blow over but a few minutes later the heavens opened and torrential rain set in for the rest of the day. By some miracle, I did actually have an umbrella with me, but that doesn’t prevent wet feet and sliding around on damp sandals.

I managed to find some very nice items for my holiday wardrobe in the warmth of the shopping centre, but now have no arms and legs due to the cost of them. Leaving the centre with bags, umbrella etc and trying to have a crafty smoke between shops did pose a few problems however. I thought I’d just have a quick look around my favourite shop before phoning hubby. A rack of mixed clothing caught my eye, but on further perusal there was nothing I fancied, so time to leave and go back for the hat after phoning hubby. Mistake four…NEVER fail to notice what sort of rack you are looking at. This particular one happened to be mobile, with a huge metal bar between the wheels I hadn’t noticed until my ankle hit it. On the positive side I did manage to remain upright this time and practice even more swear words.

The rain continued to lash down, so I stood in the shop doorway with my mobile phone, bags, umbrella, throbbing ankle and wet feet. I’d charged my phone up the night before, so it was just a simple matter of phoning home and arranging to meet hubby. Mistake five…NEVER go out without making sure your mobile is in full working order. For some obscure reason my phone refused to connect to any number I tried, so I decided to fetch that hat before trying again.

The shop had eight tills and a lot of customers. Only one till was open and the queue snaked half way round the shop. I really liked that hat, but after twenty minutes of standing on the same spot, I decided I didn’t like it enough to risk growing roots and put it back. Tried the mobile phone again but same result.

Despite the inconvenience and money, I thought it would be a simple matter of calling hubby from a phone box and that would see an end to my problems. Mistake six…NEVER assume phone boxes will co-operate or men are where they say they’ll be. After depositing bags, umbrella etc on the floor and scrabbling for change, my coins got stuck in the slot and wouldn’t move either way. The second phone box was broken so I scrabbled again for coins in the third. Finally managed to phone home but my son informed me hubby wasn’t at home.

“Where the **** is he then?”

“He said he’s going to fetch you.”

“But he doesn’t know where I am.”

“He said to call him on his mobile.” I didn’t realise there were so many swear words in my vocabulary.

Scrabbled for more coins and his mobile number. I’m useless at remembering phone numbers. Eventually he answered.

“Where are you?” I managed sweetly.

“In the Victoria Centre. Where are you?”

“Near the Broad Marsh Centre. Where shall I…” Pip Pip Pip…phone ran out of money. Scrabbled for the last of my coins and dialled again.

“I haven’t any more coins…tell me where to meet you quick.”

“Erm…Erm… In the Victoria Centre near…” Pip Pip Pip. Dead phone and no more coins.

So now I had to walk the whole length of Nottingham again in the pouring rain, carrying bags, umbrella, etc with only the knowledge that he was somewhere in the Victoria Centre. Well, it’s only got about five hundred shops and seven car parking levels. All the shops were now closed, so I couldn't buy anything to get more coins for the phone and no chance of asking a passer-by for change as I only had a ten pound note.

Exhausted, wet, in pain and starving I reached the Victoria Centre and finally found an open shop where I had to purchase a pair of earrings I don’t need to get some change. Staggered to a call box and phoned hubby’s mobile again.

“The number you have dialled has not been recognised.”

Moved to the next call box, double checked I was dialling the correct number and got the same message. I didn’t realise so many swear words even existed.

Finally phoned son at home, who then phoned hubby on his mobile while I stood feeding coins into the phone box to stay connected. I think I may have spent more on phone calls than clothes. Finally son told him where I was and said to stay there and hubby would find me. It’s some years since I’ve looked forward to seeing my husband so much.

Finally we met up and I assumed that would be the end of the disastrous saga. Mistake number seven…NEVER take it for granted men can remember where they’ve parked their car. After walking the whole of the centre again we had to find a security guard to direct us to the level where hubby thought he may have parked.

At seven o’ clock we left the city, the rain still pouring down and the idea of looking at various pubs forgotten. We fell into the first one, ordered a meal and emptied a bottle of wine in record time. Hubby repaired my stubborn mobile by opening the back of it and blowing on the Sim card. Good job someone has a technical mind.

I apologise for the length of this entry, but the tale has been brewing for a couple of days and at least it got me writing. And as it's pouring with rain yet again, I thought it wise to stay in and not risk any more disasters. But then I can probably get into scrapes even sitting at a computer.

By the way, I’m thinking I should maybe change my handle to the name of another famous movie character – Calamity Jane.

P.S. Yes, I realise my mistakes go beyond FIVE but as far as mistakes go, I can always go way beyond my favourite number.

And for Tor's information I PAID FOR THE MEAL, WINE and PARKING FEES. lol Donations to the Scarlett Survival Fund gratefully accepted.