The Time Without

Chapter Five - The Waiting Period

Chapter Five
The Waiting Period
Poem Twenty-Three

My Desire of Fate

My ex husband seems like the most likely candidate,
giving birth and expelling me should be his fate!
We would not be friends,
No way will that begin.
But I would not want him dead.
I would want him to know instead,
that it was me, his ex wife;
to whom he has deceived and lied.
When he seeks retribution of me,
I want him to feel the pain constantly!
Over and over and over and over again!
His worst nightmare realized and then,
for as long as he walks the earth,
and into his next life's birth.

Almost diabolical of me? I am mad I tell you, absolutely MAD! HAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!


lol
db

Author's Note: This poem was written in a response to a contest with the premise or prompt of: "If you had a choice, as an alien expelling yourself from a human, who would you want that to be and what would happen to them?"

REVIEWS:
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#1. Review Of "Boom Boom's Entry" (nw) [Rated: ASR]

Review By: milkywayman (2)
Date and Time: 04-22-06 @ 8:55pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 620 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Hello DragonBlue (5)

Ouch! This made me cringe, I hope when you wished that he birth you. You meant as a babe in arms and not as a full grown soul. I also hope and pray that in that event you made a extra wish that his anatomy may have changed. For ouch watch a image that provokes.

My partner always says that just once in a life time she wishes us males could carry the load for the term and then really participate in the birth. Then we will really know what a pain it can be.

She says something else as well but I will not say that here.

Milky

#2. Review Of "Boom Boom's Entry" (nw) [Rated: ASR]

Review By: fiction_addict (1)
Date and Time: 04-05-06 @ 2:37am
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Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 317 Characters
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you know i kind of feel the same way about my ex-wife lol. it does sound pretty cold hearted with maybe just a touch of evil and a dash of madness thrown in there. all in all i thought it was written well, im not much into poetry but it definitely made me want to read the rest after the first few lines. good job!


#3. Review Of "Boom Boom's Entry" (nw) [Rated: ASR]


Review By: Mandik~onto the... (37)
Date and Time: 04-04-06 @ 9:18am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (3.5)
Review Length: 418 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]
Strange, but interesting.

I'm really glad that you added that Author's Note:, without it I really wasn't sure what the poem was about.

I could tell there was resentment, anger and an underlyinglove that had been destroyed, but the part of the alien was beyond my reach.

One typo-

* Authors Note:
~ should be Author's Note:

Keep writing!


#4. Review Of "Boom Boom's Entry" (nw) [Rated: ASR]


Review By: chicacherrycola (1)
Date and Time: 04-04-06 @ 12:56am
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Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 349 Characters
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Wow, I can so imagine you laughing wickedly at the end there. That's an interesting piece; I haven't read many where the narrator wishes so much pain and evil on someone else. I hope you feel better now that you've gotten that out of your system. :)

Keep writing! It sounds mean, but I like your evil style.
Chicacherrycola


My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1074103 - Boom Boom's Entry

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Chapter Five
The Waiting Period
Poem Twenty-Four

Blue Is

Blue is serenity
Emotional intensity
Blue is the ocean
Forever in motion

Yet calm
As a newborn fawn
Or the break of dawn

One color of primary
A gift of faery
As are the waters at bay
Wave after wave

As is the rain
Upon life’s train
Blue is the sky
Even when I cry

It is shadows
As it bestows
Sometimes a mood
For thee to elude

Blue is fire
Within the pyre
The soft yellow
Dancing glow

Of the flame
Blue is tame
Even when cold
Found as gold

Blue is hot
Anger and madness
It is not

Blue is Me


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REVIEWS

#1. Review Of "Blue Is" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Lynn Hicks (27)
Date and Time: 02-26-06 @ 4:12pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 289 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Hi! Thanks for entering the "Color My World - SPLAT! Contest"...winners will be announced soon

I can see why blue is in your handle! It is such a marvelous color and you have described it well


Lynn


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#2. Review Of "Blue Is" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: O-CHAME (1)
Date and Time: 11-07-05 @ 4:09pm
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Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 99 Characters
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The way you dressed your words to describe you as being blue is extremely talented. Very nice poem.

My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1030914 - Blue Is

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Chapter Five
The Waiting Period
Poem Twenty-Five

A Dream Within a Dream

On a long winters overcast night
Darkness; total devoid of light

I dreamed within a dream to chart
Watching too; yet playing the part

This performance I was to help
Nourish as in spirit I dwelt

first I walked in water and sand
this turned into mine own home-land

I watched myself meet another
Like minds – we blended together

Though as one we became complete
Combined to power source elite

we came upon those of great need
empathic compassion to lead

Those tortured; personal freedom
Liberty and rights to fathom

dark this path and carelessly strewn
that which could bring us to ruin

Consent without hesitation
precise visualization

Called upon the element four
unlock and open all closed doors

as in confidence we commenced
Embarking upon our noble quest

fire our passion with finesse
As our innate voice sixth of sense

carving a pattern of forever
chains of steel we cleanly severed

Indications; clear this message
of LOVE the final lineage

To pass on through eternity
Maintaining the intensity

of a dream within a dream


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REVIEWS

Reviews from another version:

#1. Review Of "A Dream with a Dream" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Candy (10)
Date and Time: 11-06-05 @ 12:36am
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Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 279 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

What a beautiful poem! A dream within a dream is great! So very well written. Very well thought out. I could really appreciate the authors excellent choice of words for this peice. The poem has a nice rhythm to it, and flows quite smoothly. Beautiful peice of writing! Write On!


#2. Review Of "A Dream with a Dream" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Andrea (84)
Date and Time: 11-05-05 @ 12:29pm
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Reviewer's Rating: (2.5)
Review Length: 934 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Good work, descriptively written.

Some suggestions:-

If you put this in some genres you will receive more views off people searching the genre listings.

"On a long winters overcast night" - winter's
Thank you.

You capitalise the first letter of some lines and not others, regardless of punctuation. Make consistant, one way or another.

Yessum, massser...jusss don beat me no mo!

"this turned into mine own home-land" - into my own
this was done purposely for the accent of the irish brouge.

"dark this path and carelessly strewn
that which could bring us to ruin" - strewn / ruin weak rhyme, consider revising.

"Called upn the element four" - upon
Thank you.

"Called upn the element four
unlock and open all closed doors" - four / doors weak rhyme, consider revising.

"as in confidence we commenced
Embarking upon our noble quest" - commenced / quest weak rhyme, consider revising.

REVEIW OF YOUR REVIEW:Every review I read by you, makes me wonder what you do for a living...are you an IRS agent maybe? Whatever you do, your opinion does not concern me any longer. If you were just a bit more negative and condescending, you might be a good reviewer some day. Keep reviewing.

#3. Review Of "A Dream with a Dream" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Aurora - In Love (6)
Date and Time: 11-04-05 @ 10:12pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (3.5)
Review Length: 772 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]


I really liked this poem. I do have a few suggestions though.

In the first stanza, the second line, I don't feel it's really neccessary because we have the darkness idea from the word "overcast". Maybe incorperate another image there instead.

Also, the rhythm was kinda awkward through this poem. Read it out loud and see what you think. I know some times I read it and I had to stop and try to make it sound right.

Lastly, watch being vague. Your lack of concrete images and details (or a minimal amount of them) really made me feel disconnected from the poem. I wish there could have been more there so I could really get into it.

I hope my comments could be of some help to you! Best of luck!

A review of your review:Thank you for your review. I do appreciate your suggestions. This was a dream, which is why it seems a little vague and distant, because it is; as dreams always are.

#4. Review Of "A Dream with a Dream" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Khalish (59)
Date and Time: 11-04-05 @ 6:32am
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (3.5)
Review Length: 649 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

The title of this poem is pretty catchy. The content needs working upon:

1.Even two readings did not clarify the more than acceptable lack of clarity that pervades here. Vagueness is OK in poetry, but not lack of clarity.

2. How to minimise lack of clarity for readers?

a. Try using complete sentences wherever possible and feasible.

b. Use punctuation.

c. Prferably, capitalize the beginning of a line.

3. It lacks rhythm. [For definition of rhythm and for practical suggestions to improve rhythm, see —" POETRY IN RHYME AND RHYTHM CONTEST"]

M C Gupta

REVIEW OF THE REVIEW:Well actually Mr Gupta, I have great rhythm and so does my poem when I read it aloud. But thank you for letting me know that you know how to write my poetry better than I do. Have a nice day.

My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1029517 - A Dream with a Dream

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Chapter Five
The Waiting Period
Poem Twenty-Five Version II

A Dream Within a Dream

On a long winters overcast night
Darkness; total devoid of light

I dreamed within a dream to chart
Watching too; yet playing the part

This performance I was to help
Nourish as in spirit I dwelt

first I walked in water and sand
this turned into mine own home-land

I watched myself meet another
Like minds – we blended together

Though as one we became complete
Combined to power source elite

we came upon those of great need
empathic compassion to lead

Those tortured; personal freedom
Liberty and rights to fathom

dark this path and carelessly strewn
that which could bring us to ruin

Consent without hesitation
precise visualization

Called upon the element four
unlock and open all closed doors

as in confidence we commenced
Embarking upon our noble quest

fire our passion with finesse
As our innate voice sixth of sense

carving a pattern of forever
chains of steel we cleanly severed

Indications; clear this message
of LOVE the final lineage

To pass on through eternity
Maintaining the intensity

of a dream within a dream

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Five
The Waiting Period
Poem Twenty-Six

Cocoon of Deceit


To catch a thief when he has stole
My prodigy, my spirit and my soul
I will set a trap that is perpetually deep
Multi-faceted and horrendously steep

He shall fall unaware
Into my webbed Spiders Lair
The more he struggles to be free
The more ensnared will he be

Wrapping himself in a cocoon of deceit
The pain he has caused he will reap
His once born soul shall scream in agony
As his own mind forms the cruelest of irony

For he will become his own greatest fears
Over and over; a reflection of mirrors
Time without end; his darkness eternal
Creator of his own hell fire inferno

To catch a thief when he has stole
My prodigy, my spirit and my soul
His own arrogance will be his undoing
Earning his reward three fold ensuing

By the Power of Three
In the Quarters of Four
Above and Below; So Shall It Be!
Coast to Coast; Shore to Shore!

So I Will! So Mote It Be!

Author's Note: This pen has intentional misuse of grammar. I make note of this so that you, the reader, do not think I am lazy or uneducated.

Phoenix, AZ 85283 - November 22, 2005

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REVIEWS

#1. Review Of "Cocoon of Deceit" (nw) [Rated: 13+]


Review By: alfred booth (16)
Date and Time: 05-23-06 @ 7:07am
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Reviewer's Rating: (3.5)
Review Length: 457 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

You've written an interesting work which is easy to follow. However, your first line is incorrect "he has stole" needs to be "he has stolen" and improper grammar, even for rhyming's sake, is to be used with caution.
I always object to rhyming poetry which stops rhyming at a certain point. It can give the impression that the author is lazy.
If you decide to rewrite, let me know and I'll be pleased to reread.
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#2. Review Of "Cocoon of Deceit" (nw) [Rated: 13+]


Review By: milkywayman (2)
Date and Time: 04-22-06 @ 9:31pm
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Reviewer's Rating: (4.0)
Review Length: 439 Characters
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Hello DragonBlue (5)

Another that feels like a spell or deep seated wish.

My view in this is that in creating the terror that he reaped he has also made a mirror image of himself. One that will in a time of weakness strike and he will see what he created. For if his eyes are not bound and discoloured. He will see a mirror image of his past self.

Now I confused myself.

Milky

My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1037926 - Cocoon of Deceit


#1. Review Of "Dark Poetry" (nw) [Rated: 13+]


Review By: milkywayman (2)
Date and Time: 04-22-06 @ 9:35pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 520 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Hello DragonBlue (5)

A mini port raid I did conduct and in the performance I confused myself and maybe even you. If this is so, please cast no spell upon me. I'm just a mere male that confuses easily.

But I've enjoyed wandering around your port and reading your works. Thought provoking pieces, indeed. You made me stop and think. Questioning my action and reactions. Thank-you for doing so. I need to think more often, then verbalise the feelings clearly.

Milky

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Chapter Five
The Waiting Period
Poem Twenty-Seven

Peering Up At Me

Sometimes I wonder
At the ache in my heart
As I long so very much to see
Your faces peering up at me

One set ice blue
The other forest green
These eyes I will
Love for eternity

Your life so fragile
As you walk the mile
Choosing your own
Path to call home

Though
I know

Blessed I am today
In so many ways

The loss of you two
In this life of due

Hollow it has left me
Chained in despair-I be

Your presence I seek
In spirit; to reach
Every moment - every day
My tears fill this blue bay

I need your delightful love
Sweet as the morning dove

Reach me in the mundane I beg—
Try very hard ~ until we find stayed
The high tide of emotion
Colliding in joy; not motion

Renewing our resilient bond
As mother and daughters in song
Rising in voices of three
Elation in perfect harmony

Sometimes I wonder
At the ache in my heart
As I long so very much to see
Your faces peering up at me

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Dedicated to my two precious flowers: Aspasia Lorraine - 9 and Aricia Elizebeth - 6. Their very presence I crave by the minute, hour, day and night.
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REVIEWS

#1. Review Of "Peering Up At Me" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Shylah (2)
Date and Time: 04-18-06 @ 2:59am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 271 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

That was very nice. I really enjoyed reading it and the message was great. I've not quite been able to figure out who lost who here, but whichever, it's a poem of hope and wishing to see loved ones again, believing that they will be together again, as it says, harmony.

#2. Review Of "Peering Up At Me" (nw) [Rated: E]


Review By: Candy (10)
Date and Time: 01-19-06 @ 11:21am
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Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 397 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Hello DragonBlue,
Wow. What an awesome poem! This is another one of your well written creations that I absolutely enjoyed. You expressed this piece with so much emotion and warmth. I thought this poem flowed quite smoothly, and was easy to follow. This poem falls into my "pleasant reading" catergory.
Keep up the good work!

Your writing.com sister.
candy

#3. Review Of "Peering Up At Me" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: ~*spring rose*~ (6)
Date and Time: 01-19-06 @ 10:37am
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Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 520 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

Great poem. The only thing I can suggest is some punctuation of some sort. Without it the poem seems to have no beginning and no end. without a break in there it gives the reader an impression of montony.
I do the love the flow of the poem it flows very nicely, the rythem is great, and I love how you paint a such a wonderful description of color.
I enjoyed this peics and do hope that may review helped you some just remember that is is only one persons oppinion.
And please,
write on!

#4. Review Of "Peering Up At Me" (nw) [Rated: E]

Review By: Cynda (3)
Date and Time: 01-19-06 @ 9:09am
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 266 Characters
Review Follows: [Delete Review]

I've never read anything like this poem before. It's beautiful, perfect... I could say so many things about it. I read some of your other poems, too. They're all beautiful.
You write wonderful, fascinating poetry. Keep on writing poetry, and don't ever stop.


My Feedback; My Received Reviews For
#1016322 - Peering Up At Me
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Chapter Five
The Waiting Period
Poem Twenty-Seven

A Final Plea

Though my heart hesitates
This turmoil I must initiate

For ye have left to me no choice
Time the courts heard my voice

Without a shred of evidence
Thy word was circumstance

Darkness now rests heavily
Threatening to drown me

But I must now draw my sword
Call this duel-the line is scored.

I hope that ye come to see
Before I set this fury free

That both of us is what they need
Not fighting, hatred; please concede

To let it be
Between us as we

To move on from where we’ve been
For if ye continue; I must begin

A storm I will not
Be able to stop.

This is my final request
To lay this conflict to rest

If nay can ye do
Then I send to you

The fury of Aries, Mercury and Mars…
Capricorn exalted among the stars.