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 |  The Time Without |
Conversations with Merlin Author's Note:This chapter is a book within a book for I have listed each poem as a chapter. At the end of this story you will find a couple of the poems in this book individually listed and reviewed. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter Six - Conversations with Merlin ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter One Merlin’s Gift As Merlin allows me to see The magick that dwells within me Together we watch the Blue Dragon so young Caught in the web of the Wolfs tongue Like a deer in headlights Or the vampire seeking life The Wolf brings on paralysis With his songs of darkness She is unable yet to fly Wings worthless in the wind and sky She must stay and fight Pulling from within her; a powerful might Wielding fire from her lungs Poison from her fangs Claws as the blades of steel swords And magick rhyming words Chanting she overcomes her stillness - Loosing her fear She faces her enemy as he nears Where before; she fell in defeat Not to be this place in time as they meet As she finds the rhyme He circles ready for the kill That terror allows him the luxury to steal And finds instead her poison fang in his eye Fire upon his girth he gasps in surprise As swords of steel pierce his cold heart Her chant high and true turns him deaf Prey to his own arrogance in the end His dark Lord turns to run But the dragons fire bright as the sun Torches him as he melts in a pool of black blood His steed she Allows to run free The Blue Dragon smiles as the quickening Empowers her spirit in bolts of blue lightening With the life force of those slain As the night wears on her elation turns to pain For a life - nay two lives were taken So that she might live beyond their horrific schemes To be catalyst for that which she can sense Yet cannot be seen ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2 Embark Upon Thy Quest I stand before my magick mirror Dropping my gown to loose my fear I seek again to converse with Merlin As my sight goes dark and starts to turn in We watch the Dragon of Blue Stop along her path of due To sample the morning breeze For the scent to feel at ease Though she knows Wherever she goes Lonely she shall be For giving of love is what she needs Seeking others of her kind If only in spirit - of like mind Those with gladness in their heart If only upon her path they could impart She comes upon a still lake Senses she must cross and take The trail that leads away from home This much has to her been shown There she will battle again Only this time will refrain From the taking of life He will only fall to defeat with the tide For Her foe shall become her friend And she will nurture and learn to love him The force of two To the battles of Dragon Blue She crosses the barriers of time Chanting she balances the three of nine As the vision slowly fades from my sight Merlin chuckles as if in delight Knowing I will again come to see The strengthening Magick within me ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Chapter 3 Morning Star In my mirror for Merlin I again seek This meeting of ours numbered three The vision in my mind so intense I almost lost my focus of balance I could feel her rapid breath As once again she feared death Terrified - running away So afraid Again shamed And betrayed By one she loved and held dear Hot an soulful were her tears Trusting her needs Planting loves seeds She once again fell prey To the wolf - in whose arms she lay Her young were taken from her grasp Her soul aching As her memory lapsed As MoningStar her ally and closest friend Pulled her into another dimension Where she lay and wept For the love of her young was kept Where she now could not return Without receiving the branding burn Of which she could not take Until healed from the stake That which she now felt the searing pain Between her broken wings bloodstained Soaking her flesh and the ground below Go by what ye know As she knew the way before Her body shook with sobs as he said to her Not by what ye need For with thy need ye evoke this greed Said he; Now we must seek a third And change direction as another debt we incur To return your young to hearth We must walk lightly upon the earth As your friend, this I speak to you For ye will heal my Dragon Blue Though thy karmic debt ‘tis now paid Another path of strife be laid For we must split a space in time Along the unstable fault line Off the path meant for thee Of which ye sense Yet cannot see ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 4 Choices of Knowledge Life changing choices Are forever invading internal space With conflicting chaotic voices Drawing me in opposites at a quickening pace With many forks to forge upon my path Crossing the rapid waters piercing its depths with my sacred staff For I may not veer left nor right Though this beaten trail does tempt me so Walking within the Blue of Light My direction innately chosen by what I know Though my needs At weaker times Brings me to my knees The lines Are drawn cutting deep onto my soul ‘Tis but a test carving patterns above and below Ground is covered as I seek Truth though it be cold On a higher level I am warmed As I travel through dimensions of storms Blue Lightening in my vision forms A Warrior of Justice manifesting the reaction Balance the catalyst of actions Journey or Destination Is the question ringing through my head Will I find my Grail? Within? Without? When? This plane of journeys comes to end Only to begin again The Blue Dragon has learned to use her Wings ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 5 A Warriors Inspiration Inspiration these days is hard to come by Wonder do I If the well has run dry Though in the mundane Growth is in abundance Spiritually I feel as if I stagnate Poetic, charming words of faery Are seen between the lines of this life I carry My Gaea Dragon glows blue My totem Grizzly growls at the new Souls I long to call my friends And give lovingly free with my heart again As with my inner voice His leaves me no choice But to guard myself and be wise Testing the truth of lies As the sleeping Turtle awakes Opening the Iron Gate That is wrapped about my soul Aye ~ should my heart not know? How to love and give To feel joy as it lives Joined with others to celebrate The power and warmth that emanates From deep within ~ without contingent To receipt of the same This sparring for the name And Goddess given right To walk and live in love and light Is wearing down my armor of silver As the spring run off rushes through rivers So do my own lonely tears As I remain closed with my fears Picking the lock of my chains Running through the pouring rains These thoughts do tempt me so As I seek to yet follow Anothers path but NO This time I wield The Sword as Warrior Shall we Dance Excalibur? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part II The Battles of Dragon Blue -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 6 Magick Wings One - Two - Three Harmony It Be Parts of High and Low Bass - Tenor - Alto One - Two - Three Are the Powers that be Answers I do seek To questions that I speak One - Two - Three The Sacred Trilogy With Matter as Change The Mode ‘Tis Rearranged Arrive at the Solution Before ye Leap To the equation In balance ye keep I wish to scry Anothers ambition Visualize the why At my own discretion On the brink Of an empathic Link Decide to stay Or to go Either way Sorrow will follow See shall I As my inner child cries Do not go by what you need Let your innate logic Lead The Blue Dragon can now use her wings But she lacks grace a mentor a muse to Glide as she sings She continues to seek that which she can sense Yet cannot be Seen ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 7 And Now Before I go to survey the fields of Battle Where I may lose my soul if not careful I will sharpen my sword With my sanding stone While chanting the Wyrd Of spirits to be shown All the ways That I can go Here above in days In years there below The circles that are drawn The staff that draws the lines Allow me through the portal to peer My Blue Dragon ‘tis the seer My vision very clear As is my voice Muscles taught with tension to hear The shifting selection of my choice I lift my sword to duel Drawing justice as my fuel And circle mine enemy Yet unseen In the mists surrounding me As I merge with Dragon Blue The mist no longer clouds my view For in this dimension magick rules Eliminating power from fools... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 8 Fear to Friend This place I have been here before In a lifetime past, maybe more Mine enemy knows not what ‘tis in store For this time I shall settle the score Drawing from within My magick sings and opens The power I partake My soul at stake With blue light As my inner might Truth as my plate of armor This opponent I shall triumph with sorrow And in so doing Will merge as one Sharp is the quickening And is most welcome Climbing the scales My spirit singing With power emanating Increasing the sting The Wyrd of Nine by three Changes naturally As it manifests Edging this test I must thank thee Lady, once again For mine own fear has become my friend I am honored to be Basking in the warmth of thy Trilogy And So I Will And So I Shall So Mote It Be ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 9 For... ...This enemy I have faced before Upon opening another door Though he knows it not Our fates are wrought Of another's thought And intertwined with a tapestry of Magick and many a destiny Lifetimes glimpsed in dreams Lay afore and aft as will be seen But not as he shall deem the outcome to be... I have loved and hated him stirring the turmoil from within I realize that is how he has defeated me by giving me my needs Then crushing that which is exposed with the script he has composed To soften me to mourn the calm before the storm I slowly rise above his presence now As Gaea’s Dragon Blue allows Me to loose the weight of mine own hate And chant a higher song each note four counts long In groups of three For I will continue to seek That which I sense yet cannot be seen The Blue Dragon has awakened the Magick that dwells within me... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 10 As I... ...Enter the portal as she the dragon's blue eyes as me Another mist to unveil as I hear the banshee wail Morning star my closest ally and only friend reaches for me again For our vision of a third that has been Upon her own journey of strife also is she woven into our life As the crossroads become clear we shall have and feel no fear Instinct tells us how we will combine our forces now To retrieve that which has been taken with a faith that shall not be shaken By those whom we rise above with blue light as our aura of love We as one become the Essence Of a warriors great stealth Our Truth Our Honor Our Wealth Forward we commence that which we seek and sense Yet cannot be seen For we now Manifest the Power of Three ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part III Reflections of Paradigms ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 11 Bed of Thorns The Cliché’s drum upon my skull Pounding pulse of rapid heart beat Choices of today Limit Opportunities of Tomorrow As once again I fall to defeat Though another directs the puppet strings ‘‘Twas I who decided to wear the Rings Thy Bed Thee have made Now Ye Lie upon It And of Thorns it be Ripping to shreds thy Spirit as Cold Tear Drops fall free Tis the price ye pay for thy needs the walls close in upon thy seeds Attempting to strangle all new growth Blocking the green of leaf From light and dark both Stretch as far as ye can reach And when ye feel ye can NO more Bend a little then go for breach to take that last inch for thy Door Once ye have grasped thy Portal at its very edge forget that thou art Mortal Pull with empathic humane strength from deep within thine own entire length Ignore thy Bruises Wounds and searing Pain they will only keep thee to remain Prisoner to their ruthless hold Physical needs will grow thee old Ye know that thy Spirit Is of Light and Energy Capable of the Shift the Change to this Blight this Lethargy Into thy ally or Weapon of Deceit to conquer thy next enemy of Conceit Choose as thee know of And for thine own Right Chanting High Thy Wyrd Deep into the Night For upon this Path ye must follow As ye sense & seek Yet appears to be hollow And cannot be seen As the Power of Blue Will Reveal unto You This Dimension of Thy Maiden of Nine A glimpse of Her Laws Fragile Fine With what ye know to define Clearly drawn is the narrow line Cross it Leave Behind What ye think thee need For Earthbound Choke ye will on the weed As it devours and consumes thy Soul That which ye have done to sew For ye do and always will come to reap Thy earned rewards ‘tis what ye keep Upon this Path of Freedom and Integrity Dues to pay for Success Life and Liberty All Life Forces Large and Small From Astronomical to Microscopic In the Nine of Three One and All Survive by Instinct Innate Logic Ye See Ye Do Ye Receive All ye do In Folds of Three As Ye Have As Ye Shall As Ye Do Bring Harm to None Would it be unto You Then Ye Shall Walk the Walk Talk the Talk And Live To Give Unconditional Love as only ‘tis it True For the Warmth that dwells Within the Light of Blue... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 12 Rites of Passage In retrospect as one reflects A journey began amidst shifting sand Turmoil and utter chaos Desperate to balance at any cost Seeking inner peace confidence direction Truth justice solid foundation Unlearning my biased upbringing to shed the guilt spirit free and singing No longer martyr to their nightmares called dreams or part of their madness to justify their means A spirit of Light and Energy Peace within Peace without Harmony Following mine own destiny by harnessing the power internally this path has not been one of ease Brutal honesty will bring ye to thy knees Chanting to the summer breeze welcoming the chilling freeze For when ye seek the truth of a higher plane No longer can ye call thyself by anothers given name Ye learn that Mother Earth is to embrace Surrender thy heart and interlace Thine own reality and inner rhyme Persevere until Blue Light ye find As I am Gaea’s Dragon Blue I have also paid my Due By loving unconditionally My weakness revealed to my enemy Surviving this season As I of the Sea Learn through the smoking Pipe of Peace Arrow of Logic thoughts to release The riddles to overcome at last Polarities in balance with the past Excalibur ‘tis Symbol of my Strength My Passion my Desire my Courage at length Yet to be consumed if I cannot withstand The Fire of mine own demands No longer a wash of emotional needs For my Grail has shown unto me How to calm Waters of Flood and Drought to toss aside all self doubt Walking the Precipice of Time Living the Laws of the Wyrd I climb Within the Three of Nine My Soul shall consciously align With the Universal Web of Light Seeing beyond that of which fits tight As ‘twas meant to be For I am a spirit of light and energy ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 13 Starry Flight As the Blue Dragon soared in Flight On a dark and starry night Tasting Sniffing the air On end ‘twas every hair Fear she smelled and sensed As forward she commenced Into the ancient castle by the sea Wondered if there the source would be As the bridge dropped down into a walkway Over the moat and in the wind began to sway It greeted and welcomed her With a mysterious allure As she entered the forlorn halls Shivering from the shadows calls Her Eyes locked with anothers upon contact Muscles tensed, she growled and reared back In her warriors stance Choosing to lead this dance Of life and death - if ‘tis what it be And that which she sensed was her enemy As the figure in the gloom became clear Kindness and compassion overcame her fear With a minute lift of her hand She touched the nose of the Blue Dragon And gave such a caress In this forbidden fortress Breaking this Blue Dragons heart As tears in mine eyes began to start This fearful creature I had found Had moved forward without a sound And wrapped her arms about The Dragons neck still crying aloud Despair and death had fallen Upon the castle keep came crawlin- Taking servant and noble alike Leaving only her to fend and fight To protect the treasures within From those who pillaged to begin Their own nightmare of reason Ignoring the season Of the ghosts and Goddess who dwelled Within cold walls as she had been jailed Until a dragon of the fairest blue One that chanted and sang as she flew Would come upon and partake Of her tears and not forsake Her to walk along this path For all who harm shall feel the wrath Of the elements of four Earth, Air, Fire and Water As the Blue Dragon and the girl whose name Unknown was to remain Approached the crossroads of time Singing and Chanting the Wyrd in Rhyme Knowing together they would yet find That which they sensed in heart and mind As they continue to seek That which has yet to be seen ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Afteward As tears of despair fall from my eyes... I wish to comfort thee this night For though the darkness is long This Blue Dragon will sing a song To heal thee soul and release thy pain No more to be bloodstained For in the light of blue Mine own spirit bleeds for you... DragonBlue -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- REVIEWS #1. Review Of "Conversations With Merlin" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Princess Megan... (99) Date and Time: 09-18-05 @ 11:42pm Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (5.0) Review Length: 225 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] Sounds like you love fantasy. I have wrote 2 journals of Guinevere and 2 fantasy newsletters. I really enjoyed reading this. I love dragons, too. I love all the rhyme scheme on this. Nice job here. Always: Megan ~~Image #883809 Sharing Restricted~~ #2. Review Of "Conversations With Merlin" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: obwan (22) Date and Time: 09-12-05 @ 12:58pm Public/Private: Public Reviewer's Rating: (4.0) Review Length: 1,062 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] This is a good start - I am really biased to this particular form and you've done a good job with building the framework for an epic ballad here. The main problem I have with it is the lack of structure to the verses - you jump back and forth between forms and it's very distracting. You also start to follow certain rhyme schemes, then abruptly drop them and change to a different structure. Some of the rhymes too are imperfect rhymes, which don't seem to work well here as you started with perfect rhymes (example: paralysis and darkness do not rhyme) A suggestion here to help you keep the meter together better - try to come up with a bit of a song to which you can write this - force you writing to fit between the bars of the music and you shuld find that the flow comes naturally. I have to rate this very high in concept and basic execution, but I think that you really need to give it a good mechanical once-overand see if you can't make it flow better. Thanks for the read! Write On! #3. Review Of "Conversations With Merlin" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: PamelaPS (1) Date and Time: 08-25-05 @ 10:47am Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (4.5) Review Length: 105 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] This is very original. I like the colors and the descriptions. The wording is unique and fits the mood. My Feedback; My Received Reviews For #1004493 - Conversations With Merlin *************************************************** ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter Six - Conversations with Merlin Morning Star In my mirror for Merlin I again seek This meeting of ours numbered three The vision in my mind so intense I almost lost my focus of balance I could feel her rapid breath As once again she feared death Terrified - running away So afraid Again shamed And betrayed By one she loved and held dear Hot an soulful were her tears Trusting her needs Planting loves seeds She once again fell prey To the wolf - in whose arms she lay Her young were taken from her grasp Her soul aching As her memory lapsed As MoningStar her ally and closest friend Pulled her into another dimension Where she lay and wept For the love of her young was kept Where she now could not return Without receiving the branding burn Of which she could not take Until healed from the stake That which she now felt the searing pain Between her broken wings bloodstained Soaking her flesh and the ground below Go by what ye know As she knew the way before Her body shook with sobs as he said to her Not by what ye need For with thy need ye evoke this greed Said he; Now we must seek a third And change direction as another debt we incur To return your young to hearth We must walk lightly upon the earth As your friend, this I speak to you For ye will heal my Dragon Blue Though thy karmic debt ‘tis now paid Another path of strife be laid For we must split a space in time Along the unstable fault line Off the path meant for thee Of which ye sense Yet cannot see... ******************************************************* REVIEWS #1. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Rosalba (2) Date and Time: 01-16-06 @ 8:00am Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (3.0) Review Length: 1,136 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] I found this poem to be very confusing. It seemed to tell quite a tragic story, however, I'm not certain about this as I can not say with any certainty what the poem was about. Your repeated use of unusual syntax and what I call 'saga-ish writing' made it very difficult for me to grasp what you were actually trying to say (examples of this are the lines "This meeting of ours numbered three", "my focus of balance", "the love of her young was kept/ Where she now could not return"). Lines such as "Go by what ye know /As she knew the way before" I find completely baffling, no matter how simply they are written, as I have no idea what you are referring to here. I'm sorry to be so negative in this review, but this is an honest expression of how I felt as I read your poem. I'm sure that many other members will read and enjoy it, but I can not. As I can't understand your poem, the only concrete suggestion I can make for improvement is to correct the spelling mistake in "Hot an soulful were her tears". I assume that this is meant to be "Hot and soulful"? I'm sorry I can not be of more help to you. #2. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Lou-My Words For You (27) Date and Time: 01-15-06 @ 2:49pm Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (4.5) Review Length: 349 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] A very well written poem. I really like the mated lines of this piece. The centering, and ending with a final, single strong thought drives the points home. Short dynamic bullets really make this a powerful and easy reading piece. No suggestions for improvement! #3. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Mary Ann Chidlow (1) Date and Time: 01-14-06 @ 9:25pm Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (4.0) Review Length: 431 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] If I keep reading these maybe I will understand them. I have read it three times. I am impressed by the writing. It flows very smoothly. I just wish I understood it. That has nothing to do with your writing. I am just not used to reading this type of writing. I think I have it figured out and then it seems to take another turn and I am lost again. I will keep trying. It is interesting. #4. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Heide has a bro... (9) Date and Time: 01-14-06 @ 3:30pm Public/Private: Public Reviewer's Rating: (3.5) Review Length: 516 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] I liked: the form, the language, the flow What I didn't like: A few places felt like her just weren't enough syllables in the line, but other than that, I liked it all! Suggestions: 'Hot an soulful were her tears' - I think you meant 'hot AND soulful...' ? Overall: Very pretty with a hint of whimsical fantasy, keep up the good work. #5. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: M Duci~In Friul... (30) Date and Time: 01-13-06 @ 9:23pm Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (5.0) Review Length: 577 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] Morning Star, is one of the best I've read in this Genre. Many times! I've passed it by but this time I thought I must read this work. It has caught my eye and I like it so much that I'm sure I will read the rest of your work as well. I found myself weeping for the loss of her young and the betrayal that had become her. I almost felt that he was talking to all womankind, and he was telling her that this was her Karma. I hope I have the meaning clear. Great work, and continue. Bravo, a perfect 5. M Duci ~~Image #match Sharing Restricted~~ " My Winter Angel Review Sig by Kathleen" #6. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: AliceNgoreland (27) Date and Time: 01-13-06 @ 5:39pm Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (4.0) Review Length: 320 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] "In my mirror for Merlin I again seek" Although this is a fine line I found it to be a little confusing. I thought that you were going to go looking for Merlin. Most of this fine and you should be proud of it. I am not sure if she is reunited with her children. Alice #7. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Dave (18) Date and Time: 01-13-06 @ 5:08pm Public/Private: Public Reviewer's Rating: (4.0) Review Length: 572 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] This is a lovely poem that takes us into another world of mystical dimensions. The rhyme scheme enhances the mystical quality, and the varying line length and word selection provide a lyrical rhythm that makes it very pleasant reading. I believe some punctuation would aid in attaining the proper flow on first reading, as I had to read it through a couple of times to get into the rhythm. A couple of copy editing items: 1. Hot an(d) soulful were her tears. 2. Planting love(')s seeds. Good job! #8. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: meg71186 (2) Date and Time: 01-13-06 @ 2:46pm Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (3.5) Review Length: 375 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] Once again, I love the way a touch of old english is used in this piece to help convey the meaning and intensify the overall mood. However, I did feel that this poem was a bit hard to follow. Though descriptive, this poem doesn't really give the reader a thorough feel for the action that is no doubt occuring. Overall, though, well written. #9. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Anestel is busy (8) Date and Time: 01-13-06 @ 2:45pm Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (4.5) Review Length: 395 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] I really like this poem. In a way I can relate to it. I always like that in poetry. I think you did really good. I like your style of poetry. It's really neat to read. I hope to see more from you and all. I'm sure the more that you write the better you will be. THere's always room for improvement. I apologize for not being able to give you suggestions though. #10. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Khalish (60) Date and Time: 01-13-06 @ 1:26pm Public/Private: Public Reviewer's Rating: (4.0) Review Length: 643 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] This is obviously a poem with deep meaning, rather mystic, which needs rather specially gifted mental faculties, which I lack. Yet, I can clearly see its high poetic calibre. One does not have to be a great cook to appreciate a great dish [though, that helps]. Ref: By one she loved and held dear Hot an soulful were her tears Trusting her needs Planting loves seeds >>> By one she loved and held dear Hot and soulful were her tears Trusting her needs Planting love's seeds M C Gupta #11. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: Mandik~onto the... (37) Date and Time: 01-13-06 @ 8:06am Public/Private: Public Reviewer's Rating: (4.0) Review Length: 495 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] Such a sad story. It sounds like this poor woman just can't find the way to love, but finds the illusion instead. I liked how you enhanced the poem by making it blue. It adds to the sadness. A few possible typos- Hot an soulful were her tears and Planting lovesseeds love's- implys ownership Keep writing #12. Review Of "Morning Star" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: bakerdunn (2) Date and Time: 01-12-06 @ 11:22am Public/Private: Public Reviewer's Rating: (4.5) Review Length: 475 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] It is a beautiful poem, but I guess I am a little confused. Please let me know what you were considering this poem. I see images of someone standing in front of a mirror observing the plight of a woman. Is she a fallen angel? I almost sense that she is Lucifer's lover as the Morning Star is mentioned and she pays for her loyalty to him. I just reread it and think may be it is a story of pure fantasy. Please respond back. I really enjoyed reading it more than once! My Feedback; My Received Reviews For #1016104 - Morning Star ******************************************************* ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter Six - Conversations with Merlin Embark Upon Thy Quest I stand before my magick mirror Dropping my gown to loose my fear I seek again to converse with Merlin As my sight goes dark; starts to turn in We watch the Dragon of Blue Stop along her path of due To sample the morning breeze For the scent to feel at ease Though she knows Wherever she goes Lonely she shall always wander and be For giving of love is what she needs Seeking others of her kind If only in spirit - of like mind Those with gladness in their heart If only upon her path they could impart She comes upon a still lake Senses she must cross and take The trail that leads away from home This much has, to her been shown There she will battle again Only this time will refrain From the taking of life His defeat will be a price For her foe shall become her friend And she will nurture and learn to love him Onward they travel; the forces of two Oward to the battles of Dragon Blue She crosses the barriers of time Chanting she balances the three of nine As the vision slowly fades from my sight Merlin chuckles as if in delight Knowing I will again come to see The strengthening Magick within me Authors Notes: This is Poem #2 of an epic story that starts with Poem #1 Merlin's Gift
******************************************************* REVIEWS #1. Review Of "Embark Upon Thy Quest" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: fasara (6) Date and Time: 01-19-06 @ 3:04pm Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (5.0) Review Length: 311 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] That was awesome! Great word choice, very descriptive, draws you in. It has a certain elegance to it, that makes it uniquely beautiful. I really like it, I'll have to read more of your work. Keep it up, you're doing great. You should write a novel, I'd bet you'd get published easy! -Good Luck #2. Review Of "Embark Upon Thy Quest" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: ~*spring rose*~ (6) Date and Time: 01-19-06 @ 10:19am Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (4.0) Review Length: 627 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] This was a really nice peice, I would like to suggest more punctuation. Maybe some periods to help break it up, especially at the end, it seems a lot like a run on sentence and makes it a bit unapealling to read just for the impression that it has no end or beginning,and while it looks nice I dont think its correct to capitalize each sentence without the period in the one before,theres just not breakage for the reader, and its kind of monotenous thought the poems content is spactacular, it has great imagery and shows much creativity. Good job hope this helped some, and please... write on! #3. Review Of "Embark Upon Thy Quest" (nw) [Rated: E] Review By: blue jellybaby (32) Date and Time: 01-19-06 @ 8:27am Public/Private: Private Reviewer's Rating: (4.0) Review Length: 438 Characters Review Follows: [Delete Review] Well done on a sequel to the first piece! To me I found this one slightly easier to read, maybe because of the shorter stanzas. I like the way you have changed the syntax, particularly with the words 'Blue Dragon' in order to keep the poem flowing smoothly and making sure it rhymes. The only thing that confused me slightly was 'three of nine' but maybe it was part of the spell she was chanting. Well done again, jo My Feedback; My Received Reviews For #1016103 - Embark Upon Thy Quest ***************************************************** |
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