My Life on a Plate

What to do?

I'm not sure I should be writing this entry. I'm not sure I can make any sense or not look like a drama queen. I think I may have had too much to drink and may flap my mouth off more than I should. But what the hell? After the shock I received this morning nothing seems of any importance.

What do you do when your only child is on the other side of the world, alone and vulnerable? What do you do when he claims he's fallen in love with a Cambodian girl and plans on marrying her? What do you do to accept the fact she has a one month old baby, an amputated arm and he's known her for only two weeks?

What do you say to a son who thinks he's in love and can't understand why I cannot support him in this? Oh yes, he's 25 and it's his life and I must accept he'll make mistakes. We all do, but this is the son who didn't want to settle down, wanted to see the world and do so many things. I loved him for that. What do I do to stop him making the biggest mistake of his life?

What do you do when you can't get in touch or talk things through with the child you love so much? He has the upper hand and can choose to ignore us while he goes ahead and self-destructs, What do you do when you have stood by and admired and supported a son who wanted to do so much and has now been sucked in by some poor, pathetic circumstances?

The world was his oyster. Now he chooses to take on a woman from an alien culture with much baggage and cannot see why his parents are devastated. He's an innocent, a soft hearted soul, a lovely person but I want to scream at him not to do this.

I tell others to take one day at a time. I know worse things happen and at least he's alive and well. But two months of travelling, seeing much hardship and being unwell convinces me he's not thinking straight.

He plans on marrying in January and bringing her back here soon after. I will never cast him aside or be unsupportive but if he goes ahead with this, I know it will be one of the hardest things I've ever had to come to terms with. I'm not racial, prejudiced or judgmental. All I want is my son's happiness and for him not to make the mistakes I have.

Excuse me, I'm emotionally drained and maybe I shouldn't post this. My heart is breaking to think the one light in my life is contemplating what I can only see as a disaster. I apologise for neglecting you all but my head's a mess and I can't focus on anything.

I know you'll be supportive but don't think I'm not aware there are worse things happening. But for now I can't get my head round anything and I know you'll understand.