L'aura del Campo

The gifts of Esera Tuaolo

L'aura del campo

WINTER: 1 Mulk (7 February) 19º and partially sunny in the morning.

'é a lua, é a lua, na quintana dos mortos'
♣ Federico García Lorca ♣

Ramblings ... when I was 10

My mind isn't blank ... just more interested in reading and not over-working itself.

Would you believe, folks are actually reading this rag? I'm approaching 15,000 views and maintaining a monthly readership of about 80 WDC members. About 25 are men, which is awesome because men are a premium around WDC and my blog isn't geared towards men specifically. My language abilities come from my mother who smothered me and my sister as children when all of us were ill and dad worked overtime to give the paycheck to my mother (the banker ) to pay the bills. Dad spoke, but he was a quiet person. I think I feared him as a child ... this cigar and pipe smoker who used the belt to discipline. I got to like him better as an adult.

So ... my more feminine speech patterns even confuse some folks here. I also know my colors, like sea-green and chartreuse, which leaves most men going 'duh?' asking themselves why a box of 8 crayons: blue, green, yellow, orange, red, purple, black and white isn't good enough for everyone. What can I say? Mickey (Michelle Brown) next door had the big box and I was partial to shades of melon and midnight blue. Even when I was 10 I knew that midnight blue was cool, but didn't care for navy.

Oh, I was an odd child. Insisting on wearing brown and green instead of the blue-is-for-boys bullcrap. My tree was an elm, my bird the Baltimore Oriole, my baseball team the Orioles and my favorite color was orange. I also started a garden when I was 9. I played under the swingset constructing a town with blocks of wood, weeds for trees, roads of clay for my plastic and metal cars.

But I was very short, skinny (probably malnutrition, looking back), constantly ill when I was 5 and 6, couldn't see because of I was far-sighted (became near-sighted at 11) and had no eye-hand coordination. I read my Book of Knowledge and Stories of Japan, France, Holland. I loved numbers and became quick at arithmatics. Knew the answers, didn't care if the teacher didn't like that. And I practiced my hand-writing. I still write cursive better than print. I didn't do sports.

So ... maybe that's why I have the readership I do and don't have the readership I don't. I don't do humor well. Thank God there are others here that do, who lighten up my day with a smile or a .

Me, my friends and my family

Saw Dr. Cowles. He has a certain warmf dat makes it easy ta talk ta him. He wants I should keep a diary of de Hours: when I not feeling well n why. N I need ta go trough my journal n my two blogs fo January, see what insight is ta be uncovered dere. Mostly poop, I suspect. N I was taught ta bury dat stuff. Soes ... I needs ta dig in da proverbial litteh box ta see what's buried down dere.

Tuesday afternoon? Like in the song from the Moody Blues, I'm not quite sure. It's 60º+ and sunny and wonderful and they are promising flurries for Thursday ... oh well.

Got to wish my long time friend Karen Bohannon a happy birthday last night. Today is her birthday, but I was so proud of myself that I remembered to call ... in the right month . Something I didn't know or had forgotten: she bowls. We come from a bowling town.

Got up at 9:49 a.m. yawning and achy. I have no obligations till evening.

IMAGES

Before, during and after taking the Number 2:

Hum of the motor; the vibration coming through the seat; too warm for a scarf; bright sun; the slip of thawing mud over frozen ground; dark dirty puddles; icy shadows; leaning into the turn of the bus; a blue dumpster poorly hidden by a fence.

WATT'S GNU!

Once again, I could rant ... but I'm more interested in a woman that is running for Head Chief of Cherokee Nation. I am almost positive that I met Stacy Leeds at least once at the Iguana Café in Tahlequah about 3 years ago. She's in the Kansas University Law School but still lives in Tahlequah. I'll have to look in my journal to see if I made any notes at that time.

A link:
http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2007/feb/05/law_professor_makes_case_cherokee_natio...

Unhappy without you

And I will stroll down the alleys without you,
hand clasped in hand with another
while his tongue will fight my tongue,
until both win over the other.
And my voice will whisper sweet nothings
as his fingers play with my beard,
And I will hold him tight to my chest,
as if he could leave at this moment.
Still, my heart will drum out your name
while my embrace delves deep within him.
And each breath I take betrays shame.
as I remain unhappy without you.

[163.569b]

The weather was incredible yesterday! Over 60 sunny and mild! Today ... cold. But nothing we can't handle. If I don't finish this blog entry, I won't get outside to enjoy it!

Inspired by Esera Tuaolo

I went to an inspiring talk last night by Esera Tuaolo. He spoke about his strong faith (he sings like an angel, sang "In the arms of an Angel and "Imagine" with a clearly soulful gospel voice), his upbringing in poverty, how he always wanted children, how he changed the diapers of all 17 nephews and nieces, how throughout high school, college and 10 years in the NFL (6'3" and 300 pounds and the super Bowl ring) he kept to himself the secret that he was gay, fearful most every day that someone would find out and snatch his dream away from him.

He spoke of meeting Mitchell, how he knew he was the one, how M's mom knew in a dream that her son would meet a Sara, how Esera is pronounced uh-Sara. How, in his MIL's eyes he can do no wrong. But his eyes twinkled when he told us of holding his adopted twins, his son Mitchell, his daughter Michele. He told us how he called his family with the good news that he now had diapers to change. He assured us that they would be raised with love.

Esera comes from a church background of Four Square holy rollers. He never could quite give up on God even when he'd given up on himself; it was not an option. Last night he was full of joy, full of love for his family, for Mitchell and for their two children.

What an up-lifting evening! Some stories have happy endings. And although he is no longer accepted in the NFL, it doesn't matter.

A nice article with a couple pictures:

http://espn.go.com/magazine/vol5no23tuaolo.html

The above had to be written (now edited) after reading an entry in vivacious 's blog. It isn't easy to want what everyone else has for the asking, to feel left out and denied that happiness that comes from being surrounded by love and acceptance, especially from 2 little eyes looking up and saying mommy or daddy.

When you see that pain of loss or what-never-is-meant-to-be in someone's eyes, don't ask that they share what cannot be adequately expressed, just give them a hug.

I did ask Esera about the over 1,000 student athletes in football and basketball in the Big 12. I said that the likelihood of them all being 'straight' was as good as a snowball's chance in Hell. I asked him what he would say to the 24 coaches. Although, he didn't answer that directly, he later mentioned that the support must come from the top down not the bottom up. I took that to mean NFL, NBA, NCAA Commissioners, University Chancellors et cetera. If I got that wrong, maybe he'll email me a clarification? I would welcome it .

I hope this will get you to his music:

http://www.outsports.com/entertainment/041127esera.htm

BLOGVILLE

A new blogger who I believe is English married to a Bulgarian: THe LiTTLe MaN . And another who has come back: scrybhelaimus.

KimChi is dealing with the aftermath of a fire "Invalid Entry" . If you have been through this you may wish to visit (or not).

Scarlett has to deal with verrucas and the chiropodist (I had to look up both words too. English is not my native language, American is ). Read about it all in "February Flappage"  or you could read about Jack-the-toe-tickler and a lament to a worm in: "Life is..." 

BLOG LIMITS

Most folks here at WDC know that there is a blog limit of 500. Those who don't may want to check and make sure they haven't set theirs for 100.

What is less known is that there is a limit of 2,048K. Mine is now at 1,949K having deleted an extraneous entry of 17K and my first entry that had ballooned to over 19K. I backed up the first entry on hard disk including the 2 comments (by copy Ctrl+C and paste Ctrl+V) before deleting. Because the first 100 entries were mostly unread and uncommented upon, those will be the first to be backed up and deleted. I know some folks here just start another blog, but for me this is better if not best. My average blog entry now is around 8K, so one can see how it would be possible to max out after only 250 entries due to space. The amount of K you have used and the size of each entry can be found when you click on 'manage' at the top of your blog. By deleting two large sized entries, I've bought myself some space. By deleting 100 entries I'll buy back about 200K more; the earlier entries were smaller. At some point I'll be faced with tougher decisions, but for now, this will work for me.

Quote

I live with a partner, Mitchell, I have loved for six years, and we have beautiful 23-month-old twins -- Mitchell and Michele -- we've adopted and are raising together. Got a house in the suburbs (of Minneapolis) and a lawn and two dogs. I've recorded two pop albums. I'm just your typical gay Samoan ex-nose tackle who'd like to break into show biz.

~ Esera Tuaolo, Fall of 2002.

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