Down the Rabbit Hole

Pandora's Letter Box

I was cleaning out some old files in my computer today and discovered there was one folder titled simply, Letters. I double-clicked seeking only to satisfy my curiousity and was ill-prepared for what that little yellow folder contained. To my dismay it was not a collection of cover letters, recommendations letter or personnel reprimands but rather a literary trip down memory lane. These letters were personal and told in startling candor, the entire story of my love history, my life narrated in my own words. Here was the letter I wrote to my ex-husband after the "last" fight of our married life. It must have taken time and many tears to tear these sentiments out of my heart and onto to paper. I was astounded by my apparent clarity of thought and command of myself as I chronologically detailed all the violence and tragedy, love lost and pain I had experience with him. Another letter titled only "Goodbye" was clearly my attempt at breaking off another unsucessful relationship, so sad because it was so obviously written by a person still deeply and hopelessly in love. There were happy letters to but even those seem to hint at a deeper knowledge that all things ended badly no matter the course. Ten minutes later I closed the folder. Oddly, I don't regret having stumbled upon it. It might be a fertile field from which to draw future inspiration for my characters and stories, something to tap into when I'm feeling disconnected and lost. Most importantly however, it showed me something of great value, how far I have come and how much I have grown from these experiences. As many scars and hinderances as the past have bestowed upon me, I have still managed to find strength, to rise above. I have loved and left according to my needs. I have chosen myself again and again. I have survived. I don't know how many of these letters ever made it to their final destinations but I know they are in just the right place for me now.