Down the Rabbit Hole

Not All Me

This morning I left the house with a bright and hopeful attitude. The sun was out. I heard the voices of Spring birds and the mild 40 degree weather was a welcomed change. By 10:30, the sky had darkened almost as much as my mood had. The biggest contributor to my falling spirits was work, it has been a day of bad news and complications. Before it had turned noon, I'd already waged several unsuccessful wars and been drawn into two confrontations. The atmosphere in the office is one of frustration and tension. Its is simply not a great time to be the business and everyone is feeling the crush. Stress levels are high and everyone is doing more than they are capable of taking on. I'm plugging on, trying hard to ignore the tightness in my chest, my inability to focus on people and unhappy stomach that are characteristically how my body exhibits signs that I am too stressed. I don't have time to even be writing this blog but its the only really non-invasive way I can catch my break and my footing, so I force the minutes free for myself. The weather is certainly not helping. The sleeting rain repeatedly washes my window leaving running rivulets through which I catch glimpses of a dark and threatening landscape. I'd love to burn off some kind of steam but I'm clueless as to how. Even the silly online games that served to settle my troubled brain at night no longer captivate my attention or distract me. I feel disconnected. I jump from one active deal to the other, dropping one call only to pick up another extention to field yet another problematic question or deal with another potentially deal-killing issue. I am consumed with getting the deals done and closed, simultaneously frustrated and unmotivated by the lack of results that my efforts produce. I feel like I've never worked harder and had less to show for it that I have these last few weeks. I can't count the number of people I've told to "give me a break" today...a request no one has honored yet.