Down the Rabbit Hole

Impending Nuptials

I'm been having a lot of private conversations with myself lately. I've been trying to keep my cool and try to stay collected and calm. I've been telling myself that the pettiness and indifference I've encountered lately should not matter, that I should not let my feelings get hurt. BUT, in the words of the Carroll's immortal Alice, "I always give myself very good advice, but I seldom ever follow it." The truth is, my feelings are hurt and I am disappointed and its like someone's cast a wet wool blanket over me. If it was just about me, I might be fine. I might be able to sail above the bad feelings, but its about him too. I'm hurt and disappointed for him too. Here we are, barely a month left to go before the wedding and his father's not even bothered to call. There is no formal bachelor party planned, and what has been planned, is only because he's made the effort on his own to organize something. He's even been struggling to finalize plans for the rehearsal dinner, which should be taken care off completely by his family, and not be just another thing he should be trying to manage. I can deal with the insults to me, I can deal with not being liked and not being accepted...but its not fair to him. He should have more support. He's the one getting married after all. Its hurtful and disappointing and its turning me dark inside. I can't help it, despite my best efforts, I feel resentment building like water behind a dam. I hope its not because of me, because they expected someone better in the end. I just don't know anymore.
I tell myself that I am being oversensitive. I tell myself not to take it all personally (this as I am navigating both up and down a dark, unlit stairway last night after picking up my mother-in-law) and that it will all be over soon. Then what?
Then it will be he and I. Us. And the rest of it won't matter so much I think. I won't forget it, but it won't matter so much. I can make up for it all. I can make him happy. I can be his support. Isn't that one of the lessons of life? And like he says, its not so bad...some families don't get along at all. Its not that kind of situation. I adore his Mom and I think that's mutual. My family loves him and welcomed him in long before the wedding date was even set. He likes my friends and they like him. Things are mostly, if not almost, great. Almost. If I can just grit my teeth like the Cheshire cat and get through the next few weeks...