Snow Melt

How I behave around different people

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I’m not sure that I behave differently with different people. I’m always myself, the problem is I never know which self I’m going to be. It’s not that I have different personalities or anything like that. It’s just that I’m sometimes shy and have to push myself to be myself.

I know where the shyness and fear comes from, but that doesn’t help me overcome the feeling that I don’t want to get close to people or interact with them. It’s just that I don’t want some people to know the real me. Actually, sometimes I’m not sure I know the real me.

I surprise myself with the things I do and think.
I surprise myself with the words I write and say.
I surprise myself almost every other day.

Sometimes I just want to be alone. At those times, I have to force myself to interact with the human race. There was a time when I wanted to live alone on a desert island without any human contact at all. I realize now that what I really wanted was time alone; time to be by myself and just interact with my own thoughts.

However, being along with ones own thoughts can get just as aggravating as interacting with people. If I’m given the choice I’d rather interact with people on line. If I interact online, I don’t have to worry about getting my eyeliner on straight or whether my lipstick is smeared.

Of course, those aren’t the things I worry about when I deal with people face to face. I worry about being late. I worry about if I have too much food in my mouth to take. I worry about silly things that aren’t going to happen.

It takes me a while to open up with people. The problem is that when I do finally open up (that sounds like I’m talking about a can of worms) I usually say too much or say silly things that make people look at me like they think I’m crazy.

When I’m with people at work I’d rather talk to them about work related issues. When I’m with family I’d rather talk to them about what I believe and why. When I’m with friends I’d rather listen to them talk then talk.

I like going to restaurants and eaves dropping on conversations in the surrounding booths. That’s why I like restaurants that have booths or tables close to each other. You can hear the weirdest things. Sometimes I think people just open their mouths and start talking without thinking. Instead of free writing the do free talking; I don’t think anyone in the booth with them listens to what is being said

I don’t think I act differently with different people. I always act like myself. It’s just that I have so many different facets to my personality that it seems like I act differently. It also takes me a while to feel relaxed with people, with friends, family and acquaintances that it takes me a while to open up. I suspect I may have issues of trust, but I can’t afford a psychologist so I have to put everything in my journals, short stories, novels, poems, blogs, and flash fiction.

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