The Waiting Game

Life as we know it

As I sit here today, wondering why life gets so out of control, I realize one thing—who I am. I am the type of person who gets involved. Each relationship in my life takes me somewhere. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. I make friends easily, and find it hard to let go of any relationship. This is why I struggle with disappointment within those relationships. I have a big heart, always have, and give it effortlessly. That is the frustration in my heart and soul. And it's the beauty of me.

There is so much room within my heart to bond with friends and family. I revel in it. But when those relationships are tested, which happens more than I want, I fight to keep them intact. I find myself working harder than I should have to. And then I reach my limit. But here is one thing that remains true. If you give me an inch, I will go the extra mile for you. I can’t walk away. Even when I say I am done, thru working my ass off, giving of everything I have, be it time, money, my heart, trust, love—I remain loyal, and will until my last breath.

So as some of you struggle to move forward, to mend things within your own lives, I sit here, waiting, praying and looking to the future, to fix the broken road that we find ourselves traveling. I’ve walked away from some of you, said I was done, finished, and washed my hands of you. And when I hear that things are changing, you’ve admitted to falling down, I find hope. I want to be here, to help you when you ask for it.

Might be the wrong thing, but I can’t help myself. I care—enough to swallow my pride, and to squash those thoughts that keep the distance and break the walls I’ve tried to build around my heart.

The ipod is getting the workout of a lifetime. Electric was awful yesterday- a whole 14 hours, and when the internet was getting connected, of course the electricity went off, from 6pm to midnight. And it was a friggin 104 degrees of sweltering, mosquito blood sucking torture. We have alternative electric, but it’s only good for a light or two, or the TV. Unfortunately, we blew thru that luxury before 9pm. Total irritation. It’s a good thing that I stocked up on candles two years ago (and evacuated because of the war) and didn’t get to burn them much. My house did smell nice, all those fruity, musky scents mixing and giving me something to smile about.

And since the ipoody can play movies, that’s what I do at night. Watch in bed until I finally can’t keep my eyes open anymore. I only added three. UGH! Who knew that I’d actually be watching them. It would have been smart to anticipate the sleepless nights ahead, add more movies and get rid of some music. In my case, hindsight is nonexistent. Theresa will know better the next time around. At least I can hope. See, there’s that word is again. I live for hope, in all things I do. Nothing like having time to sit and over think things. It’s what I do best.

Now, I am on the last few pages of editing Duncan’s, so I expect to be writing tonight or tomorrow. I need inspiration and I am looking for it.

I got into my email briefly yesterday….in four days I had 73 waiting. What a pain in my ass. Mostly trash, forwarded crap that gets under my skin and makes me wanna rip my chocolate hair out. But, I won’t. I love this color, it will stay for a while. I only made it thru 25 before I lost my connection. If they can’t get it up and running today, then I will give up the hope of getting on line. It obviously wasn’t meant to be, but it sure as hell would’ve been nice.

And my in-laws just informed me that the electricity in my mountain isn’t as strong as it should be. My house in particular isn’t even 220, it’s more like 202, which is a good reason things aren’t charging to full capacity, as they should. So today my brother-in-laws will be trying to rectify that situation for my house. Cause let’s face it, electricity is a necessity in T’s damn life! It kinda takes the fun out of this vacation. I’m done venting for this week. Move on peeps!

ON THERESA’S IPOD

Love this song. Really seems to mesh with my life at the moment. Take a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_GfEWLPg9c


Peace out.