Down the Rabbit Hole

Nightmares

I don't have very many nightmares anymore. Its also been years since I had a repeat of a very troubling dream that used to plague me growing up. For the most part, my nightmares take the form of confrontations and emotional fallouts with people who's faces I know and often, love. Last night however, I had a real bonified nightmare. I was trapped with a monster. I was horribly brutalized and raped with a venomous violence that left me feeling hopeless and hollowed out. I had been taken somewhere that was dark and smelled like earth. I spent hours on my back in gravel and bleed copous rivers of red. My attacker was undeniable human but thoroughly unrecognizable. The dream had a clarity and a sense of depth that left me feeling utterly hopeless and disoriented well after waking and lying away for hours afterward. I was as shocked by the content of the dream as I was to have had it in the first place. I spent a long time thinking back over anything I had recently seen or read that would have prompted it but came up empty. The worst part of it was slowly coming back to conciousness with the sensation of feeling worthless and empty, of having absolutely no hope. I'd fallen asleep basically in my husband's arms, a fact that I would have thought would have given me a sense of protection that should have extended into the dreamworld. It hadn't. This morning the images have faded but not the sick feeling in my stomach or the vague sense of dread. Its all compounding the sense of general unease about my life right now. Needless to say, I'm limping through the day functioning on as few brain cells as humanly possible. I've manage to keep down the coffee but its not registering the way it usually does.