Down the Rabbit Hole

Shine for a Little While

Today is a bright and amazingly beautiful day. It seems this time of year, when summer is fighting to hold on and Fall is making an advance, that the air is crisp and clear and the world seems in brighter focus. I'm starting to catch up a bit from back to back weeks of grinding work days. I'm looking forward to autumn, to the cooler nights and dragging my sweaters out of storage. I'm looking forward to roaring fires and to Halloween. I'm mostly looking forward to the lighter, more carefree mood I characteristically experience in the months before and through holidays. I'm very bummed to be missing out on the annual Cape May weekend with my college friends, my recent experiences have made me have a deeper appreciation for their friendship and a keener sense of their absence from my everyday life. I'm making a considerable effort to be more positive about life but have those occasional moments when I feel old anger whelling up. I'm having a much easier time distancing myself from people in my life that add no value and only seek to take away from or bring me down. My ex, though I'm profoundly sorry for his dire situation, has been unable to inspire the same sense of guilt or fear that he was so adept at doing before. I just feel sorry for him.
Instead of getting bogged down by negativity, I'm trying to enjoy the things around me more. I'm spending more time with my family and watching the kids grow up from day to day feels like a gift. The other night, I was reading to my niece while her parents were out. The book was boring but she curled her hand around mine and leaned against me, her little body fighting back fatigue and I thought, "this moment is a flash in time, soon she won't be this little girl anymore" and it made me grateful and sad at the same time. This past year I have been surprised by many of these little moments.