Blogocentric Formulations

A Letter To Whoever Hit My Car

Dear Conscientious Motorist:

I don't know who you are, but I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for hitting my car in the grocery store parking lot last night. I really appreciate the fact that you didn't just give my Jeep a little love tap, you hit it so hard it buckled the door frame, which has rendered the passenger side door unable to open any more than a third of the way. My wife, thankfully, has a petite frame, and I'm sure she'll appreciate trying to squeeze through the door every time she gets in and out of the car.

I especially appreciate the fact that you didn't leave a note or any other indication that anything was amiss, so I was treated to the pleasant sound of grinding metal this morning when I tried to open the door and set my messenger bag inside.

With no other avenue of recourse, I can only hope that your vehicle's close encounter with mine left it with a similar impairment that will necessitate expensive repairs. If karma really is on my side, perhaps you knocked out a headlight and will get subsequently pulled over for the infraction, at which point the officer will discover you have three dozen unpaid parking tickets and will haul you down to the station.

Rot in hell,

- SoCalScribe