Blogocentric Formulations

Throwing in the Towel

So I've been thinking a lot about this over the past couple days, but I think it's time to call it quits on my NaNo effort this year. There are a lot of reasons I'm considering this, not the least of which is that I've been really distracted over the entire month of November, with getting laid off the day before Halloween and now dealing with unemployment checks, consulting work for extremely low pay, etc. My mental state is frazzled, unfocused, and - if I'm being honest - more than a little discouraged.

Not to mention the fact that I'm really not enjoying my story. I had an idea I was (and still am) excited about, but I spent so much time preparing the "NaNoWriMo Write-A-Thon"  and working on my NaNo-themed newsletters for the "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"  that I neglected my own NaNo prep. I don't feel like I know my characters or the finer points of my story, and seem to be just rambling on and forcing the words each day, without being invested in them. I guess the easiest way to say it is that I feel like I'm not doing the concept justice by forcing large quantities of words onto the page without enthusiasm.

I know that sounds like I'm just making a lot of excuses and trying to justify bailing out, but the honest truth is that for one reason (or many), NaNo just isn't clicking for me this year. Last year it was one of the best writing experiences I've ever had - fun, exciting, intense, satisfying, etc. This year, it's been a more challenging experience - tedious and not really all that fun for me. Over the past week, I haven't been viewing my NaNo writing time as something I'm looking forward to, but rather as something I'm dreading... just another task that will take another couple of hours out of my day.

I guess my heart's just not in it this year. Which is sad, because I've been looking forward to NaNo since about January or February.

I think the best thing right now is to bow out now and come back to my novel when I have the time to do it right; to develop the story and characters, and figure out a structure that works for what I still think is an interesting idea. So here's my lesson learned from NaNo 2009 - While you can definitely "wing" an erotica novel (my NaNo 2008 entry), it's not so easy to do with an action/adventure/espionage/mystery. If you don't know the clues and puzzle pieces in advance, they're hard to think up on the spot!

I do feel badly about all of the beneficiarie for the "NaNoWriMo Write-A-Thon" , so I think the only fair thing to do is make up the difference in word counts from my sponsors. I made it to about 20,000 words this year, so I'll be donating the balance of the 50,000 word count in the denominations they've noted, out of my own personal funds. It's not fair to deprive all the charities the activity is supporting, just because I'm being lame and giving up.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who's been reading my blog and encouraging me in the struggle to catch up on my NaNo writing. The month didn't start off very well, and never really did get back on track, but I deeply appreciate all of the friends who have shown their support and believed in me. If I were more invested in my story, I have no doubt that your encouragement would give me the inspiration to actually pound out the words. After all, you were all the reason I was able to get 20,000 words in the first place. So thank you, to everyone.

I think I'm going to make the most of the last week of November by writing a couple really kick-ass contest entries and maybe starting on that new screenplay I've got rattling around in my head.

To everyone else who's pounding out the NaNo words... keep up the good work! You're all doing great!