LIONS and OTHER THINGS

MORE THINGS lll - The male and all.

More Things
--------0------

There was a time when things were normal in my life. If only I can remember when that was? It must have been at my birth, as I heard, I was there, a normal birth caused by natural events. Even my Mother attended the birth; she stayed for a few days, quite nice of her. Father popped in now and then, as he had already done his share in the events, his fretting and chocolates were a bit much, (with the weight already gained, very thoughtful). The flowers was totally an overkill, (or was he working on round two already?)

Nothing to get upset about, this is how it will be for a while.

It will scream Its lungs out when It is unhappy, (‘It’ is a collective name word for either him or her; his or hers, always assuming the singular or plural of baby, or as well as the actual given name. Apologies for putting the male form before the female form, as old habits die hard.)

First - is It dry? ‘Yes.’ Now this is one to be very careful about, there are two sides to a baby, the wet side and the other side. So, please look to both sides, otherwise we will have to repeat the process again. These areas are situated in the nappy area, somewhere.

Has It been burped? This may take a while, as there is a standard law for burping. The later it is in the day (very late nights and very early morning preferably) the longer it will take for a burp to be a success. This is the process where It is put over the shoulder - either one will do, shoulder that is, a gentle rubbing on the back of the baby and after a while, supper, lunch, breakfast or any other meal, will appear, hopefully, only in limited amounts. - ‘Done.’

Is It hungry? The basic test here is easy. Stick a clean finger into the mouth of It, not too deep. This is not a tonsil inspection. If It starts to suck on the finger, one can assume that It is hungry. This step may be tried at the onset of the ‘scream’. If nothing seems to work, look for the mother of It or any other person resembling a female. Get rid of It.

A male is not geared, equipped, trained, brained or in any way what so ever, ready to work with a baby. For an odd job - yes, for a full time occupation - not likely, as a male may become a teacher, a trainer, a policeman and so many more occupations where he will have to deal with babies in one form or the other. That is it, a male does not carry or give birth to babies, nor does he suckle them. Now, a professional ‘baby person’ is called either an obstetrician or daddy (father is the more formal term).

It is clearly stated, man was made to be kept in a paradise, surrounded by animals and plants, to be close to nature and in the case of him getting lonely, a woman will be supplied


. -//////l\\\\\\-

Fingers, handy little things that are attached to the hands, think of all the things you can do with them and think of the things you cannot do without them.

I have always taken a few things for granted in life. All of the basic senses that I posses, I have assumed that they MUST be there, never really considering what a great attribute the senses are to my quality of life and how much I should be grateful for these senses.

The basic act of typing this little effort; uses all my senses of thinking; sighting; touching; hearing; smelling; tasting even speaking, it would not possible to perform this task, if all of these senses were not available.

What? What has all these senses to do with writing, you would possibly be thinking. The most important senses in writing are speaking, smelling and tasting.

Speaking: If you are a lone writer, the advantage you have talking to yourself is enormous, even talking to the keyboard and mumbling, ranting and raving , while composing masterpieces, are not to be underestimated.

For the poor writer burdened with an unhelpful family, speech is invaluable. The words, ‘Go away; shut, shoos, get me a cuppa’, etcetera, is a must.

For the totally abused writer, that is usually the lonely housewife; a Babara Cartland or Emily Dickinson in the making, speach, in the form of a prayer, is the norm. …..‘Can they not do anything, find anything, see anything or change their own nappies, by themselves.’….

Smell: The above situation is where the sense of smell is of much use, warnings of soiled nappies, burnt food, dog’s little poo heaps and the aftershave of a well-meaning hubby, creeping up on you, trying to get a glimpse of the newest masterpiece and frighten the living daylights out of you, with an unexpected boo/hug/kiss.

For the lonely writer, the smell of a leftover something heated in the microwave; for the late night keyboard prowler, a pot of coffee dancing on a hotplate, these are some of the smells that keep writers going.

Taste: Too damn hot, too damn cold, just right, these are associated with taste. Nummy, yuck and others are the norms of taste. A small word, with major implications, as there is also the taste of the work being offered, there is much to be said here, I will opt for brevity. Be true to your and your market’s taste.

The other senses are so basic, as to discuss those will be senseless.






.