Can we talk?

Realistic (but fictional) ads

Browsed the "singles" ads in the local paper the other day. Very funny reading. What if these ads were truthful?

Ex: Over 35, don't want to settle down, will dump you in 6 mos to a year, you must have fantastic bod and face, I'm average with male pattern baldness, separate finances, no pets, athletic, smart, will flirt with your friends. (min.21, max 39)

Or: Outdoorsy, sun-lover, hard-worker,frugal. Want same. No drugs, no commitment, no children, no religion. Not fashion conscious. Camping, hiking, canoe-ing, rafting, biking, boating, fishing, gardening. Don't try to change me. No girly stuff. Must keep active, in good shape, and healthy. Should be young. It's all about me.

Or: Like to eat out, dancing, concerts, sports, travel. No clinging, no commitment, no big spending. No community property. I have a middle age spread; you can't. No butting into my family or children's lives. I won't get into yours. Don't tell me how to do anything.

Or: Looking for man, any age, with big income. Got to have my mani-pedi, nice clothes, and hair done. Want to be worshiped and adored. Will make you very happy if you take care of me. I don't cook or clean. Country Club nice perk. Love to travel. Like to work out at gym, but hate sports.

Or: I'm a desperate, lonely alcoholic. I need a driver, who's pretty and sexy, and open-minded. No complaining, no negativity. Don't expect me to pay for anything. But I'll make you happy occasionally. And embarrass you frequently. We'll eat healthy food, reminisce about my past, and go to bars where I can flirt with women I never met before. I think I'm good looking, and you will need to appreciate that.

Or: I like mind games. Want an everyday woman of average size, pleasant personality that I can control. You will give up all your activities for mine. I'm conservative, middle class. I play arm chair psychiatry and try to read everyone I meet and figure out weaknesses. I want devotion and affection. Must be smart and well-educated. Age doesn't matter as long as health and looks are okay.

Or: I'm shallow and can't keep a relationship. Looking for great-looking younger woman with good personality. Very active, healthy, good income. You should be same. I'm 30 and live day by day.

Anyway, you get the idea. . . . I left out the raunchy ones that came to mind. Oh, there's the guy who's had 4 children by 3 women and changes girl friends twice a year . . . good-looking, charming, but . . . .