Enga mellom fjella

I feel like a magical chocolate frog with only one jump.

Me:

Going on 9 in the morning. Been up for over an hour but nothing accomplished. Restless dreams last night after falling asleep exhausted didn't help. And I'm beginning to question what I'm doing and why I'm here, why I'm coming back, why...

Why...

am I putting myself through this? I don't need to do anything with my life except breathe. Except breathing is boring... if that's all that I'm doing.

The Writer's group in Perez Zeledon is looking forward to my return. Wish I were as enthusiastic. It's great that they are supportive. Great that they read and comment on what I write; but...

I feel like a magical chocolate frog with only one jump.

Montana:

It will be surrealistic being back. I know I'll run into 50 people I know in the first three days. The Orange Street foodmart, the Senior Center, Bernice's Bakery, Butterfly Herbs, The Break Espresso, the bank, Fact & Fiction should take care of that! And since I'm planning on going to the Spanish group on Thursday, the First Friday art-walk on Friday, the farmer's market on Saturday morning and the LGBTQ picnic in Kiwanis Park that afternoon... I'll be worn out before the Hip-Strip block party in front of where I live on Sunday.

And my writer's group meets the following Thursday.

Beyond Montana:

If I stay in the states... do I visit my sister in Washington, my friends and cousin in California, friends in Kansas, Iowa, Minnesota. Do I go to the Nimrod conference in Tulsa (I went in 2003) October 26th and 27th? How about other book and writer's events. Some day it would be nice to get to Albiquiu, New Mexico (October 7-13th this year).

I wouldn't mind a short trip to Europe (Scotland, Ireland, Wales, England?) ...but the costs.

Where to live and travel:

Yes, I am whining, but although I have more money and fewer obligations than some of my friends, I have limited finances (by U.S. standards I'm considered poor). I've been able to manage well so far, mostly by not spending money. I live within my means.

The trip to Norway and Sweden cost... but it didn't break me. I'll need to sit with numbers that first week I get back. I want to return in May and have thought about traveling around Europe for three months. Can I stay in Norway for a month without stressing my finances. Can I travel for three months without stressing my body? These are legitimate questions.

What to do about my place in Montana? I'd give up my place in Costa Rica after May.

Do I move back to Kansas? I know of a cheap place in Sedan. But I'd need a car.

And there are few places like Missoula.

If I stay in Costa Rica November through May, I'd have to leave in February. Chile, Panama and Guatemala are the main choices. Australia may be too hot at that time of year. Have to talk to friends about their plans... maybe I can go with someone?

At the end of the whine...

...shines a rainbow. Living through dreams under a green sun with red skies it does have a different feel to it though.

As I've whined before ...it's in the balance. However, my body is sending out signals that I shouldn't wait.

The truth? I want to do too much. I want to stay in Montana (except December and early January when the sun doesn't shine). I want to live in Costa Rica (were it not for the hassles, the floods of October, the lack of culture and friends). I still dream of Norway (best to reread Hunger by Knut Hamsun first ...no way I can afford it ...plus they won't let me stay more than 6 months...). I'd like to visit the world in spite of not having the means to do so comfortably (roughing it is fine ...until it gets old) and there's no one to bail me out in an emergency.

I miss my old friends ... I miss the life I once had. Moving around will just give me more to miss.

33.774