Second Helpings

I, Me, Mine

Apologies. I feel a grump coming on. I make no excuses as I think I’m well overdue for one.

Humbug still hasn’t happened in our house, but that’s no big deal as far as I’m concerned. One of the reasons I dislike it so much at the traditional time of year is that I think it brings out the worst in people. Anger, stress, anxiety, selfishness and greed are all on show in abundance and often make me feel ashamed of the human race and its values.

I lost count how many shop assistants and till operators asked me if I was ready for Christmas or wished me a Merry one, with silly hats on their heads and worn out, innane grins on their faces. I admit to a sort of perverse pleasure in telling them there would be no Christmas at my house as my husband was fighting for his life in Intensive Care.

I’m not a killjoy and each to their own, but I am not alone in disliking that time of year and certainly not exclusive in personal suffering this last Christmas. The huge hospital confirmed that for many Christmas Day was a nightmare and tears, deep trauma and despair were the order of the day. So why can’t people just play it down a bit, take into consideration it is not a joyous time for everyone and be a little more thoughtful in what they do and say?

Selfishness is an inherent human quality. It has to be to support man’s survival instinct. Very few can claim to think about famine and war victims when in hospital or sitting in a dentist’s chair. It’s human nature to hone in on ourselves. But I’m pretty sure we were also granted the ability to care for others and take other’s feelings into consideration for good reasons. But it seems under certain conditions those latter qualities are lost and many show themselves as totally egotistical and thoughtless.

Humbug is one of those times and now we have another. Snow. The white stuff is a given in England in either autumn, winter and sometimes spring. Yet the way humanity deals with it has become increasingly disturbing and frequently outlandish. As a child I loved to play out in the snow as most children do. But I don’t remember transport coming to a halt, schools and offices closing or panic buying at the shops. Of course there were few cars back then, children generally attended a school within walking distance and supermarkets didn’t exist.

It snowed here last weekend and has been so cold since it has stuck around and turned to treacherous ice. For people like myself who no longer drive and have little alternative but to shop daily, it has made life difficult. But yesterday, because the forecast was for a lot more snow the situation became ridiculous. Car parks were full, supermarkets were manic and shelves bereft as those who think they may starve over the weekend selfishly stocked up with no regard for the needs of others. I’m no spring chicken but managed to walk to the shops in my wellington boots, then carry home two bags of heavy goods as I have done most days since hubby came out of hospital. No more, no less.

What is it with people that the mere mention of snow sends them into panic mode and they feel the need to drive to the supermarket and grab everything in sight? I don’t own a freezer as most of these people do and I don’t feel the need to stockpile bread and milk to survive. Who lives on bread and milk in the twenty-first century anyway? It sickens and appalls me these folk care not a fig about the elderly, the disabled and the not so well off who may go short of basics because of the unnecessary greed of others. I wonder how many of these selfish hoarders have offered to shop for elderly neighbours or donated anything to local shelters? Do any of them even think to feed the poor birds out there struggling to survive? Without blowing my own trumpet I think I’m the only person in my neighbourhood who religiously tops up water and all varieties of food for our feathered friends. A personal choice of course, but none of them work, have children or elderly parents and don’t have an invalid to look after either.

I’m no Mother Teresa or Florence Nightingale and am perfectly aware of my faults, but I hope I have enough milk of human kindness to consider the feelings and needs of others. I’m not one of life’s natural carers, but have spent the majority of my life looking after children, parents and now my husband. I don’t expect praise or sympathy, but a little sensitivity from other people goes a long way.

This morning I was disgusted by some of the comments on Facebook from people young and not so young who were praying for the snow to arrive so they could have a day off school or a paid work day at home. Selfish with a capital S. I worked at a school almost twenty miles from where I lived in my younger years, travelled daily on public transport and if I didn’t get there I didn’t get paid. Yes, I’m now a grumpy old woman, but I find it despicable that people will celebrate the arrival of severe weather conditions for their own self absorbed gain.

My husband has had to travel twenty miles to hospital today for an operation tomorrow and we can well do without hazardous road conditions, freezing temperatures and the possibility of being housebound and unable to visit. There will be thousands of people distressed and stranded by these conditions and yet there are some who consider a day at home slobbing and watching TV instead of going to work in normal circumstances a real treat. Sick people and their carers don’t get paid, but we don’t get time off when the weather turns nasty and we don’t take kindly to those who think of no one but themselves.

Having someone seriously ill in the family really does put things into perspective and also helps distinguish the genuine people from the rest. I have not appreciated the phone calls from friends and family who normally never keep in touch or show any interest and I have not felt pleased to receive emails from those who usually can’t be bothered just because their morbid fascination means they want to know all the gory details.

I have appreciated the people who have offered to take me to the hospital or helped me with the shopping. I am indebted to people who quietly leave milk and packages of bird seed on my doorstep without even ringing the bell and those who send handwritten letters and cards expressing their concern and offers of kindness, but at the same time realise I needed to keep telephone lines open and would be exhausted explaining the situation over and over again.

Yes, I’m grateful there are still so many good people in the world and I thank God I have many surrounding me both near and far. But sadly this week of hazardous weather highlights the qualities of many who just cannot think beyond themselves. I hope if they do become housebound over the weekend they don’t need a doctor, an ambulance or a visit to a hospital, but if they do maybe they’ll think twice in future about what really is important when inclement weather arrives.

Grump over. Time to batten down the hatches and pray for a successful operation for hubby and a thaw.